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sword-up-bum7

No, he wasn’t using it as a sex toy and he wasn’t just perusin’ around the local sword store one day and accidentally fell backwards onto a blade — he was using it to try and chop off his hemorrhoids.

…Except.

Wait for it…

He told medics that he was initially too embarrassed to just turn up for treatment for the condition on his bottom.

But he ended up on the local news as he allowed cameras in to the treatment room as a warning to others.

He told doctors that he wanted to remove his own piles and tried to do so with a miniature, but razor sharp sword.

It didn’t go well, pretty much thanks to the bizarre position he needed to be in to reach around and slice them off.

Unfortunately he slipped and the blade shot up his back passage.(via)

Keep in mind this guy is 54. He’s not some shithead 16-year-old with a pet hamster and a burning desire to “discover his sexuality.” He’s probably as old as the parents of some of the people reading this. Can you picture your dad in the hospital because he shoved a sword up his ass? I hope not. If you can, well…you’re probably white trash and it’s not even a traumatizing image because you’ve probably seen worse shit go down in your house before.

Anyways, back to waiting for it….

The 54-year-old man, named online as Yan Wu, was working in Hangzhou City, China, and said he had been suffering from haemorrhoidal pain for a decade.

… It seems on the 15th of this month, he could no longer take the sharp pains in his anus and decided to try to cut out his haemorrhoids himself.

A short time later, he phoned in work telling staff: “I can’t come into work today. I have a sword stuck in my bum.”(via)

Was that REALLY the only excuse you could come up with? Really?

sword-up-bum1

And yes, we’re still gonna wait because eventually we’ll find out…

The patient told reporters he had been crouching over the mirror while he was trying to remove the piles and he slipped.

Luckily, doctors were able to remove the sword without too much trouble and he spent a few days in recovery at the hospital.

However, doctors then laid the devastating news on him the he didn’t actually have any hemorrhoids.(via)

A man who apparently thought he had haemorrhoids was rushed to hospital with a sword up his bum after trying some bizarre home surgery.Painful: Doctors removed the item but then told him he didn’t actually have haemorrhoids

HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE ANY GODDAMN HEMORRHOIDS. This, my friends, is called “natural selection” and when we tamper with it by removing self-inserted swords from people’s rectums, it ruins the gene pool.

Thanks a lot China, although it’s not like we’re any less guilty of it over here.

Source

Guy Goes To Hospital With Sword Sticking Out Ass For What Would’ve Been A Great Reason If It Wasn’t So F*cking Dumb

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