“Outsourcing” can sound like a dirty word, conjuring images of people losing their jobs to cheaper, out-of-sight alternatives. But in our day-to-day lives, outsourcing is a damn near necessity. Without it, we wouldn’t have time to do any of the things that make our lives worthwhile (like reading stimulating Supercompressor articles, for instance!).
Thanks to the interminable reaches of the Internet, the menial tasks that pollute our lives can now be outsourced with unprecedented ease, thus giving you the freedom to spend more time with friends and family. Or binge-watch all eight seasons of Home Improvementin one sitting. There is no wrong answer.
Writing and proofreading
If you haven’t been on Fiverr yet, stop what you are doing, and get there. Actually no, finish reading this article, please…then go to Fiverr. One of the most useful things you can get done (with most pricing starting at $5) is have a (semi) professional write, edit, or simply proofread any piece of content you’d wish, from homework assignments, to articles for your job writing for Supercompressor. I think I’ve said too much. Please disregard.
Shopping for groceries
Who: FreshDirect, Plated, Netgrocer
As far as hellish experiences in modern America go, shopping for groceries ranks slightly behind Furry conventions. Thankfully, sites like FreshDirect (limited to the NYC-area, so far) and Netgrocer make getting your produce as easy as a few clicks. For the extremely lazy, there’s Plated, a site that will send you all the ingredients for a meal, along with recipe instructions, all for around $10 a plate.
Browsing the web for stuff you like
Who: Feedly, NewsBlur
The Internet can be an amazing place. It’s filled with things like crowd-sourced charity projects, and myriad websites chock-full of baby elephant gifs. On the other hand, it’s also littered with crap like “Vine stars,” and the Insane Clown Posse. Here to help you sift through the sludge are sites like Newsblur and Feedly: customized newsfeeds that aggregate the content you actually want to read. And unlike your Facebook newsfeed, there are no awkward political rants, or even more awkward grandparents asking you what “fleek” means (I seriously don’t know, Nana).
Seeing a therapist
Who: Breakthrough, 7CupsOfTea
If you need somewhere to vent and reap the benefits of a trained therapist, but absolutely despise laying on couches, there’s a happy solution. Discuss all your issues in the safe confines of the web, on sites like Breakthrough, who connect you with professional therapists, or 7CupsOfTea, who link you with trained volunteers. Find the root of your problems, and finally get some closure on that last season of Fraiser.
I don’t have kids, but I do plan on spreading the fruit of my loins one day, and when that day comes, I plan to do as little work as possible—it’s the American way. Websites like Sittercity will provide you with a referenced sitter in your local area, so you can go about your life without that screaming, poopin’, burden of joy rolling around, ruining everything.
Setting your alarm
Who: WakeUpDialer, Wakie
Waking up to face the day is hard enough without worrying about setting your alarm, hearing your alarm, or actually buying an alarm clock in the first place. With WakeUpDialer, you’ll get a free wake-up call every morning (voiced by Stephen Fry, no less!). Another service dubbed Wakie is an ingenious new iPhone app, where a complete stranger from somewhere around the world will volunteer to give you a call in the AM. Personally, nothing gets me going in the morning more than some Russian dude asking me what I’m going to have for breakfast.
Getting your essentials
Manpacks.com sounds a risky click, but I assure you, it has nothing to do with anyone’s junk. It’s basically Trunkclub for socks, condoms, razors, underwear, and everything else you desperately need, but don’t want to shop for. And it can all be delivered right to your house.