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Lady Uses Sandwich To Teach An Important Lesson About Taylor Swift’s Vagina And Jesus

taylor-swift-sandwich-vagina-compressed[1]

Before I even delve into this insane tweet where a mom professes that Christ’s love keeps her daughters’ vaginas from looking like literal lunch meat, I have to say that it is the least disturbing tweet in her feed. The rest of “Wife, mother, Christian,” Jennifer Mayers’ feed is a batshit racist digital running sore that could only be produced by a paranoid evangelist with a rabid persecution complex. Part of me wants to believe that the feed, and the corresponding WordPress blog, are some kind of elaborate troll based on how performative they are and there seems to be some agreement on Twitter that this is a perverse, longstanding parody account. So, yeah, congratulations, lady or gentleman, this is the longest and most devoted commitment to a troll persona I’ve ever seen.

That being said, even the most vile cesspool of a feed can offer up moments of comic relief. Case in point, this valuable lesson about teaching your daughters about #Christianity.

https://twitter.com/southern_mayers/status/743257961351385088

First of all, I can’t tell if I’m more worried about the fact that this lady either has intimate knowledge of Taylor Swift’s vagina, or she’s never actually seen a vagina in her life. Both scenarios are not even in the same Zip Code as plausible.

Secondly, she actually tagged Swift’s handle in a tweet comparing her lady business to slimy cold cuts. Ice cold.

Also, I’m not one to slutshame anyone to begin with, but does Swift really come to mind when you’re trying to pick an example of someone who is perceived as promiscuous? Most of her relationships have been rumored to be beards for closeted gay men or contractual agreements for the sake of mutual publicity. Sex isn’t a big part of her persona, if at all.

Still, there’s probably no point in looking for reason and logic in a tweet by someone who apparently thinks that the frequency of sex or the number of partners can somehow lengthen one’s labia.

When all is said and done, though, let’s not forget why the Lord sacrificed his only son.

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