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Make Private Phone Calls While Looking Like A Sadomasochist With Latest Invention

 

Tired of having to leave the room to take private phone calls while at work, the coffee shop, or various other public establishments you frequent? Well, too bad. That’s what makes them private conversations, idiot.

Oh right, someone actually took this obviously not-that-big-of-a-deal concept and ran with it. Thanks to the latest invention the Hushme, a “personal acoustic device that protects speech privacy in open space environments,” holding a private conversation is now as simple as staying where you are and clamping a device to your face that would make Hannibal Lecter do a double-take. But don’t take our convincing pitch’s word for it. Let the Ukrainian engineers who came up with the idea tell you all about it in a way that only someone with a heavy accent can:

Yep, nothing awkward about this device at all. Especially its other feature — which isn’t talked about in the video above — that allows you to “pick one of several recordings to drown out any remaining sound leakage.” Those recordings include such unobtrusive sounds such as monkey noises, Minions soundbites (totally not annoying at all), and Darth Vader’s heavy breathing. The latter option will go perfect for the “guy sitting in his cubicle with a ball gag in his mouth” vibe you’re trying to pull off. If we do say so, you nailed it.

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