police-car-thief-compressed[1]A Pennsylvania man was arrested twice in one day Wednesday when, after being released from a police holding cell, he decided to steal a police car he found idling outside the station.

According to Pittsburgh news station WTAE, Mario Tiller, 37, kicked off this unfortunate sequence of events by panhandling in traffic while sipping from a half gallon jug of wine, as the victims of neoliberal austerity politics are entitled to do. Motorists were like “ew, a homeless” and called the cops, who, upon seeing Tiller had a number of lacerations on his face, did the right thing for once and called him an ambulance. (He said he had walked into a door.)

Unfortunately for everyone, but especially him, Tiller was already quite drunk during his ambulance ride and groped a female paramedic while attempting to expose himself. When he subsequently arrived at the hospital, he caused enough of a “disturbance” that they sent him back into the waiting arms of the cops. It’s not known whether they stitched him up first or if they were like, “Wow, we can see why someone beat you up, GTFO rn.”


Tiller was kept in a holding cell (i.e. drunk tank) overnight and released with a citation and what the cops hoped was a slightly clearer head. To celebrate his newfound freedom, he stole a police SUV — which, to be fair, was unlocked, unmarked, and idling conveniently outside the station with the keys in the ignition, like some sort of ethical test.

The plucky Tiller was apprehended 23 minutes later in the nearby town of Elizabeth and re-arrested for a number of crimes, namely: “Theft, receiving stolen property, indecent assault, open lewdness, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness.” This is obviously a very sad story about one of many who’ve been failed by the system, but I still have to give it up to the man for sheer, dogged persistence.


[h/t Fark | Image: WTAE]



Man Gets Released from holding cell, immediately steals police car


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