Man Hates Obama, Loves Stealing Vibrators

An Illinois man has been arrested following an incident in which he tried to steal a vibrator from a sex shop, and, when confronted, tried to blame it all on President Obama.

According to Orland Park Patch, it was just another day at the Lover’s Lane sex shop when an employee noticed “a man walking around the store with a vibrator stuffed down his pants.” (It’s not known at this time whether the vibrator was switched on.) The employee called the cops, who arrived to find him leaving “with a large bulge in his pants.”

When the cops asked what he was packing in there, the man — later identified as Christopher Hucko, 44 — replied obscenely, or at least that’s what one might assume from the fact that much of his reply is “blacked out” in the police report. What’s not blacked out is that Hucko stated “he had a tattoo of a cherry on his penis and asked me if I wanted to see it.”

When the cops searched him and found the stolen goods, he feigned surprise that his pants contained anything but a tattooed dick.

From Patch:

The officer “searched the front of (Hucko’s) pants and under his boxers was a pink ‘G-Spot Delight’ vibrator, which I then removed,” the report said. “I asked Christopher how that got there, to which he replied that he had no idea.”

But it was not until police arrested him and took him to jail that his full motives began to emerge. What seemed like a petty marital aid theft was actually an act of civil disobedience against the forces of bourgeois democracy as symbolized by our oligarchy’s current figurehead:

“While in the cell, Christopher stripped completely naked and would not put his clothes back on,” police said. He reportedly agreed to speak to officers without a lawyer present but merely “proceeded to make comments about his political views and derogatory comments about President Obama.”

When he was asked to sign a form, police said, Hucko put “his name as ‘Obama is a criminal.’”

Makes you wonder what it really was they blacked out in that police report. Wake up, people.



Man Hates Obama, Loves Stealing Vibrators

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