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How Many Restraining Orders Do You Think This Psychopath On Tinder Has Been Issued?

My dad sealed the deal with my mom in high school after she claims he waited by her locker every day basically begging for a date. “I had to have her. I wouldn’t take no for an answer,” he said, trying but failing to come off sounding non-rapey. But it worked, and after 35 years of marriage, the story about how my dad threatened my mom into dating him is just a cute anecdote rather than the work of someone who belongs in a straight jacket.

Point is, there’s a fine line between passion and prison. And this Tinder diatribe from a dude named Mitch that was dug up by the dudes at TFM is all the evidence one needs to sentence Mitch to a lifelong term in solitary confinement without the possibility of parole. I’m actually not even convinced Mitch isn’t already in prison and had Red pick him up a cell phone from the outside.

P.S. If you’re name is Mitch, you’re a psycho. It’s science. By no fault of your own, when the name ‘Mitchell’ is stamped on your birth certificate, you immediately turn into a fucking sociopath who eats Taco Bell for breakfast and collects locks of hair that are put into small baggies and filed away in a leather-bound book. This poor bastard’s life was fucked before they cut the umbilical cord off. Didn’t stand a chance.

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