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More Men Have Had Sex With This Everyday Household Item Than They Have With Blow Up Dolls

We’ve all done things behind closed doors that we wouldn’t rush to put on our resumes. Jesus, if my dog could speak I’d probably have to put that little snitch down. I spent the majority of nights my freshman year of high school trying to decipher body parts through the squiggles on the TV from a porn channel my parents were too prudish to subscribe to.

I feel comfortable telling you this because I wouldn’t be the proud sexual deviant I am today without a few dark days growing up. Not to mention, I know I’m not alone. I’m looking at you. No really. Look out your window.

My Porn star and sex researcher Harriet Sugarcookie conducted an online poll of her fans on the subject of sex toys and uncovered some hilarious insight into just how grimy men can be. Via Harriet’s website:

In a recent survey, I discovered that 5% of men have had sex with a vacuum cleaner – meaning that they’re more popular than high end sex dolls which only 2% of men have used.

As to why someone would even think to stick his meat popsicle into the snout of a vacuum cleaner, Harriet offered up this reasoning:

“Many men not only enjoy the feeling but do it on a regular basis,” she explained.

“The common consensus is that the suction and vibrations from a vacuum cleaner can bring on an intense orgasm that’s different to normal sex or masturbation.”

For all you vacuum fuckers out there, do so at your own risk. They can get clingy AF if you make it a regular occurrence.

vacuum animated GIF

 

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