Movers Share The Worst And Weirdest Sh*t They Ever Saw In People’s Homes
Moving is stressful for everybody…especially the movers.
Being a mover is tough—not only do you need to have formidable physical strength, you also have to be able to suppress your laughter when you stumble upon a box of dildos.
Here’s what real movers told Reddit were the greatest discoveries when they were granted the responsibility of overseeing personal possessions.
Who knew that so many people hoarded piss and dildos?
1. It was pissing cats and dogs on asdf_1986.
Moved this family out of their house. The entire house had been pissed on everywhere by cats and dogs. The daughter had a room that had rats, hamsters, mice, who knows what else roaming free destroying her room… she didnt care. She had a couch in there they named “the rat couch”. Had to make an edit… this was in her bedroom, and she was totally cool with it.
2. f_n_a_ saw here a piss jug, there a piss jug, everywhere a piss jug.
I wasn’t a mover but doing demo work in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. It was in the old French quarter, not the touristy French quarter, and it was an old home that had been abandoned and then squatted in. The place was beyond a wreck, is was more likely a biological hazard zone. Not just from the storm, but it’s inhabitants. The neighbors said they were there for at least six months. Inside there was mainly three things: a lot of women’s clothing, creepy dolls made from said clothing and piss jugs. Everywhere there were piss jugs. Soda bottles, milk jugs, you name it. The smell still haunts me just thinking about it.
3. mansnotchaud saw EVEN MORE piss. What is it with people and piss?
I worked as a mover with friends for a summer job while in college and there is definitely a horror story which sticks out in my mind. I show up as relief help to a crew which had already been at a house for 7 hours and as I arrived I was greeted with wide stares of the “You aren’t going to believe this” variety from . The boys tell me to check out the basement. I got about 4 steps down the stairs before I was punched by the most pungent sour smell that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I buried my face in my shirt and took another couple unsure steps down the stairs to where I see a chest high shelf which runs around the whole room. The shelf is covered with bottles containing varying amounts of liquid. what was in the bottles? Piss. so many bottles of piss. There was an old beat up chair and a tv with an xbox surrounded by more bottles of piss. So much piss. I immediately left the job site but that visual and smell is seared into my memory forever. Fuck, so much piss. They also found a dead cat behind a couch later. So I guess I didn’t have it too bad.
4. McVeeth couldn’t get enough Jesus.
One lady had the word Jesus written on everything with what looked like permanent marker. I mean everything. The walls, the furniture, all the decor had the word Jesus on it. Couldn’t get out of that house fast enough.
5. fr33lefty has a sad one.
I spent one of my high school summers working for a guy who bought up a bunch of foreclosed McMansions in my area after the 2008 recession. Dude paid me great money under the table to clear them out.
It was clear in most of them that the families literally up-and-left (plates on the kitchen table, closets torn through while frantically packing.)
One got me particularly hard – it had a fully-furnished basement playroom that was the stuff of dreams for a 6-12 year old kid. Huge TV, a bunch of gaming systems, a nerf gun arsenal, super intricate hotwheels tracks, etc.
All of the toy cabinets had been dumped out and torn through and there were a couple of bags of packed-up toys left behind.
I know a lot of these people made fast money through ethically-questionable means, and spent it even faster – but the thought of an 8 year old kid, no matter how privileged, having to pick the toys he could carry out of the insane dream playroom he will never see again kinda fucked me up.
6. two__sheds has a hilarious and traumatizing one.
Obligatory not a mover, but this story is hilarious and a mover was traumatized so I think it counts.
My husband’s aunt had her youngest kid nearly a month early, days before moving to a new house. She hadn’t had time to set up a nursery because the plan was to be moved before the baby came. He was a tiny little thing – 5 lbs at birth.
She’s running around trying to get shit done last minute, so she put the little dude down in her daughter’s doll crib to sleep for a few minutes. She came back to find the crib was missing and ran outside to the truck just in time to see one of the movers winding up to toss the crib, complete with the baby, into the truck. She screamed at him to stop, and when he found out why he turned completely gray. He’d thought that the baby was a doll.
7. Senior citizens are even thirstier than high school seniors, as pollutedcrimson saw.
Was a mover for about 4 years.. seniors have the weird shit. Moved one who had over $10 000 in 100 dollar bills between his mattress and box spring. Gave me a $100 tip lol. Also moved some seniors who had a giant real-life taxidermied giraffe from Africa in their home. I didn’t actually see it because it was all crated up but it was neat. Lots of Viagra pills under beds. Sex toys. Most people were good about it and packed that stuff themselves but not always.
8. greaper007 stumbled upon old-school sexts.
I found an old lady’s (past 80 she was in a nursing home) sex toys and diary of her conquests from the 50s. She had an old dildo and a bunch of lingerie. The diary had details of all her hookups from the 50s I think. Things like blowjobs, makeout sessions and screwing married guys. It was kind of sad, she was never married and didn’t seem very happy in the text.
I also felt bad about reading it, but I worked for the guy that found it and he read it aloud to the group during lunch.
I also found a bunch of money that her dad hid in the basement. Coins from the 30s and 40s.
This was a construction job in college, I used to to a lot of work remodeling old mansions in Shaker Heights OH. It was always fun to find old bottles and cans of beer in some weird crawl space I was moving through. I wasn’t legal to drink at the time and I knew that teenagers 30 years ago tossed them in there after a party because I used to do the same thing at my parent’s house.
9. How does a Nazi around her get a terrace, Skidmark666?
Not a mover, but I used to work as a landscaper. About ten years ago, we worked for this weird guy, rebuilding his terrace. I asked him if I could use his toilet. He said sure and showed me the way. This guy had a fucking huge photorealistic painting of himself in SS uniform standing next to Adolf Hitler, foot on a jew’s skull. He bragged about it and how much it cost, etc. I’m pretty sure that’s highly illegal in Germany. When I got back to work, I told my boss and my co-worker about it. The foreman’s girlfriend is a Russian jew. Long story short, we packed our shit and the boss told him to get someone else.
10. Pack up your sex toys before calling notnowfetz, please.
So. Many. Sex toys. C’mon now, you booked this move weeks or months in advance and you really didn’t remember to pack up your dildo collection from under the mattress?
11. Makuch will save your cat.
Most of the stories are more like “Well, then the couch had to go upside down off the balcony; it was stupid.” Most of moving is stupid
-A cat inside a couch. Had to cut the couch open to retrieve said cat. Was dumb
-A hunk of cat poop stuck to a dresser. Hanging from this poop was a rather large thong
-Many boxes of dildos. Tripped over one. Dicks everywhere!
-crazy people screaming at us all day. Any movers out there can confirm that this just happens sometimes, but this lady was a particularly exceptional piece of work. She also, literally and with her foot, kicked her assistant out of her house that day.
12. No sofa, no go-fa, ButtTussler.
Mover for 15 years.
– Luckily only one disorganized hoarder.
– A few really nasty divorces.
– While moving seniors in to retirement homes, bodies coming out under a sheet.
– Moved an old flamboyant broadway director. The last 30 minutes during the load he cried over and over “Goodbye apartment.”
– The one that sticks out the most is we go pack this woman up, then show up the next day to move her. Sofa doesn’t fit in the elevator so we set it off to the side to carry it up the stairs when everything else is upstairs. Sofa won’t make it up the stairs. She decides that if she doesn’t have a sofa, she doesn’t want to live there. We had to move everything back. In the end,she paid $3000 to have us put all her stuff in boxes.