JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next

 

For most people it’s hard to think of the Martini without picturing James Bond. The same thing is true for The Dude and the White Russian, and the Old Fashioned and Don Draper.

These are great characters drinking great drinks, so it’s no surprise. But what about the movie drinks we don’t want to picture, let alone order? The drinks that are just too much? It’s time to give them their due.

THE FLICK: A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
THE DRINK: MOLOKO PLUS

Getting ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence? Then you’ll want to sharpen up with some delicious Moloko Plus.

Featured in the Anthony Burgess novel of the same name, the drink is best known for its appearance in Stanley Kubrick’s cinematic version of A Clockwork Orange.

In the film, Moloko, or Milk, is a highball cocktail with a dairy base and various pharmaceutical additives. They aren’t drunk to be enjoyed, but rather as preparation for outings of intense violence and deranged criminality.

Other than the milkshake in There Will Be Blood, this is definitely the most dangerous milk-based movie drink.

THE FLICK: BACK TO THE FUTURE PART III
THE DRINK: WAKE-UP JUICE

Bartender Harry Craddock notoriously described the double-edged sword of the Corpse Reviver #2, warning that while it provides a morning get-up-and-go, “four taken in swift succession will quickly un-revive the corpse again.”

In the wild, wild west of Back to the Future III, a similar warning might be attached to “Wake Up Juice”, the hellish rejuvenating serum delivered to Christopher Lloyd after one shot of hooch lays him out.

Brushing away McFly’s request for coffee, the bartender has something stronger in mind and quickly assembles the drink.

Clearly not the type of establishment that worries about exact recipe, a beer mug is soon filled with various juices, vinegars, and spices. After a quick stir with a kitchen knife, the whole thing is funneled into the mouth of the unconscious Doc. Whatever’s in there jolts him up screaming, and sends him running to dunk his head in a trough.

Even odder, he’s still passed out. The bartender explains that this is just a “reflex action” to the Wake-Up Juice. Maybe he should have stuck with a normal Bloody Mary.

THE FLICK: LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS
THE DRINK: EVERYTHING IN THE BAR

Like the best heist films, this Guy Ritchie picture is a mess of double crossings, misunderstandings, needless violence, confusion and, of course, theft.

After protagonist Eddy and his friends rob a neighbor who just returned from robbing a drug dealer, the men set about celebrating in a pub owned by Eddy’s father. Apparently celebrating means getting completely and utterly wasted.

Even with Richie’s frenetic, MTV-style editing, the scene is exhausting. Shots? Sure. But why waste glassware when you can just pour bottle after bottle into each other’s mouths? Why drink a beer when you can spray it in someone’s face? From the looks of it, the criminal masterminds have mixed and matched nearly every type of liquor behind the bar, a good recipe for a terrible morning.

THE FLICK: THE SIMPSONS
THE DRINK: FLAMING MOE (OR FLAMING HOMER)

They say necessity is the mother of invention, and that was definitely the case for the Flaming Homer.

During a visit from Patty and Selma, out of beer and in desperate need of a drink, Homer mixes the small scraps of all the liquor bottles in the house with (accidentally) a bottle of “Krusty’s Non-Narcotic Kough Syrup For Kids.” The resulting mix passes muster (Homer is not instantly blinded), but it’s the addition of fire that truly makes the drink great. The Flaming Homer is born.

Predictably, bartender Moe gets a hold of the recipe and that’s where this season three standout episode takes its name from.

THE FLICK: FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS
THE DRINK: SINGAPORE SLING WITH A SHOT OF MEZCAL ON THE SIDE

In the vast catalog of chemicals ingested by Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo during the course of Fear and Loathing, the “Singapore Sling with mezcal on the side” is very much on the tamer end of this list.

Of course, it’s all relative. For a normal person, double fisting liquor in the middle of the day  would be the beginning of the end. But these are not normal people—not by any stretch of the imagination.

For them the mezcal consumed “in the Pogo Lounge of the Beverly Hills Hotel” is just a time filler before the next mescaline, which is a stopgap to more acid, more ether, and perhaps a nightcap of adrenochrome.

 

THE FLICK: THE NUTTY PROFESSOR
THE DRINK: ALASKAN POLAR BEAR HEATER

No, not the Eddie Murphy one—the original 1968 Jerry Lewis version.The story is a riff on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but the tone is a lot less sinister.

In one particularly memorable scene, Jerry Lewis takes his bad-boy potion and enters a bar. After beating up another patron, he arrogantly walks the bartender through a recipe for a bizarre drink: The Alaskan Polar Bear Heater.

Per his order, the drink contains “2 shots vodka, lil’ rum, some bitters, smidgen of vinegar, shot of vermouth, shot of gin, a little brandy, lemon peel, orange peel, cherry, some more scotch.” He instructs the bartender to “mix it nice and pour it into a tall glass.

THE FLICK: COCKTAIL
THE DRINK: THE RED EYE

When Tom Cruise first walks into the bar, he looks disheveled. He needs a job, he says to an older bartender.

The older bartender sets about making himself a drink while casually interrogating Cruise on the finer points of bartending—for example, making a vodka Martini with a Pernod float and throwing a 400-pound psychopath out of a bar.

The drink being made during this exchange is The Red Eye, a mishmash of several different hangover cures, the exact proportions of which seem to vary by the hangover. This version, though, begins with an upended beer bottle in a pint glass, followed by tomato juice, a splash of vodka and a whole raw egg.

Hey, if it works, it works.

 

THE FLICK: OVER THE TOP
THE DRINK: VALVOLINE MOTOR OIL (NO CHASER)

This ’87 curiosity is usually remembered as “that arm-wrestling movie with Sylvester Stallone,”if at all.

If you’re still wondering, yes, it is that movie with Sylvester Stallone and arm wrestling. And before one such wrestle, Stallone’s bearded competition takes part in some truly epic trash talk.

I’m going through you like gas through a funnel,” he explains, looking Stallone directly in the eyes. In case Stallone misses the point, he then chugs Valvoline straight from the can.

It’s a bizarre bit of intimidation, but if he really wanted everyone to know how DGAF he is, it should have been Malört. Only a truly deranged person would drink that.

SOURCE

 

 

 

8 MOVIE DRINKS YOU COULDN’T HANDLE IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY REAL

JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next
Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors