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Murder Suspect Who Used Big-Penis Defense Gets Off

Get ready for dick jokes.

Do you remember the Florida man who was on trial for murder and had his lawyers argue about the size of his wiener? It was a ballsy defense strategy that included defendant Richard Henry Patterson offering to show the jury his dick to prove the sheer size of the thing is what choked victim Francisca Marquinez while she performed oral sex.

It turns out twelve men and women didn’t see his wang, but they did decide to let him go anyway.

In determining the verdick verdict, the jury on Monday acquitted Patterson of second-degree murder in the killing of Marquinez. The trial lasted a week, while deliberations took only five hours. Here’s a little taste of the action:

The defendant’s lawyers were all about the dick. They were compelled to flash Patterson’s junk to the jury, convinced that the 65-year-old man on trial was merely enjoying a blowjob when his girlfriend choked on his massive member. However, a medical expert testified and said that deathblows (see what I did there?) are highly unlikely. As a result, no sausage for the jury.

“That’s not the way she died,” defense lawyer Ken Padowitz said. “But that’s the way Richard Patterson thought she died.”

Unfortunately, medical examiners couldn’t determine how Marquinez died because her body was too decomposed to figure out the cause of death. And now, Patterson is out swinging freely in the streets of Florida. Had he been convicted, he and his dick would be locked down for life.

 

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