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Neiman Marcus is a humble luxury retailer, the kind of place you might pop into if you need a $400 cashmere scarf or a $1,000 pair of Tom Ford sneakers.

But once a year they pull out all the stops and release a catalogue known as the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. And nestled within that catalogue is a select, 10-item tasting menu of “fantasy gifts” for the true plutocrats among us. The store describes the collection as “consisting of pieces of extraordinary luxury, whimsical delight, and state of the art technology” but neglects to mention that you have to be a fucking Rockefeller to buy anything on the list.

Among the gallingly overpriced items available are a $10,000 dollar “Couture Diary” – yes, that’s 10 large for a notebook– in which “artist Abigail Vogel will hand-paint 20 of the recipient’s treasured ensembles” and which will be bound in “red or black Scandinavian calfskin.”

If that’s not your style, there’s Keanu….

keanu

I used the word “poor”  in the title not to insult you and also very loosely, because even someone who is a low-level millionaire can’t afford the gifts in the 2015 Neiman Marcus’ Christmas Book. Well, they technically can afford it, but if they want to continue being barely a millionaire they shouldn’t be dropping $150,000 on a motorcycle ride down the California coast with Keanu Reeves. As nice as that experience may be.

Yep, just you and Johnny Utah tearing up the pavement under the California sun. White surf, blue sky, and the open road all for less than a quarter of a million dollars. Aspire to greatness. Aspire to freedom.

 

“Hey, Keanu.”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that time you killed all those guys in John Wick?”

“I do.”

“Yeah, that was really sweet.”

“I hope you drop dead, dude.”

On top of renting Keanu Reeves to be your pretend friend for a day and speed down the California coast with you, here are some more of the highlights from the the 2015 Neiman Marcus’ Christmas Book. (Good on them for calling it a “Christmas book” and not a Holiday Book. Neiman Marcus’ ain’t about that PC bullshit life. They’re about EXTRAORDINARY LUXURY and also apparently Christianity.)

 

Via Neiman Marcus:

THE ORPHAN BARREL PROJECT
The Orphan Barrel® project was started to share long-forgotten barrels of rare whiskey discovered in old rickhouses and distilleries. Each release is hand-bottled—and once they’re gone, they’re gone forever. You and five bourbon-curious friends will visit the legendary Stitzel-Weller Distillery in Louisville, Kentucky, to go barrel hunting, tasting recently discovered bourbons and creating two completely unique Orphan Barrel variants to be hand-bottled with labels designed exclusively for you. You’ll receive 24 bottles each of the remaining stocks of eight different Orphan Barrel bourbons—including the variants created with you—along with a bespoke whiskey cabinet crafted in Kentucky to house the collection, barware, and a leather-bound book about your whiskey. With purchase of The Orphan Barrel Project, Neiman Marcus will donate $5,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($125,000; page 38)

WORLD VIEW EXPLORATION AT THE EDGE OF SPACE
This two-part adventure begins in 2016 with a behind-the-scenes invitation to a World View test flight. The Miraval Resort in Tucson, Arizona, is home for three nights; spend your days with the flight’s chase and recovery team and tour Biosphere 2 with original crew member and World View CEO Jane Poyter. In 2017, you and seven companions will experience 360˚ views of Earth as a high-altitude balloon lifts your luxury pressurized capsule 100,000 feet above our planet. With purchase of the World View Exploration at the Edge of Space, Neiman Marcus will donate $1,500 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($90,000 per person; page 39)

ITALY TOUR WITH IPPOLITA & ARTEMEST CRAFTSMEN
Experience a side of Italy rarely seen by outsiders. You and three guests will join internationally acclaimed jewelry designer Ippolita Rostagno on a very personal seven-day privileged-access art tour of Florence and Venice. Ippolita will introduce you to acclaimed artists, visit local workshops, enjoy VIP museum tours and dine on authentic Italian cuisine. Parting gifts include special mementos from studio visits and a newfound appreciation for art history in the progress. With the purchase of the Italy Tour with Ippolita & Artemest Craftsmen, Neiman Marcus will donate $10,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($150,000; page 40)

NEIMAN MARCUS LIMITED-EDITION MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE
A singular car sure to appeal to enthusiasts and serious collectors alike, the 2015 Neiman Marcus Limited-Edition Mustang Convertible commemorates Mustang’s 50th Anniversary with 700+ Supercharged Horsepower. This powerful pony hits 60mph in 3.5 seconds. The driving experience is further enhanced with unique chassis and suspension tuning, a race-inspired dual exhaust system, lightweight forged 20″ wheels, and an exclusive livery-covered Aero-enhanced body. Gift includes an exclusive two-day Ford Racing School Course.

Reserve this luxury car by calling 1-888-756-0775, beginning promptly at noon EDT on October 13, 2015. With the purchase of the Neiman Marcus Limited-Edition Mustang Convertible, Neiman Marcus will donate $1,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($95,000; pages 42-43)

TEXAS GUITAR TRI0 GIFT
From air guitar to heirloom, these are instant classics commissioned by Texas music legends. Designed by rock guitar icon Billy Gibbons, this is a modern riff on the classic 1961 Gibson SG and is the ZZ Top legend’s ultimate dream guitar. For the musician who blends folk, swing, blues, jazz, and gospel with country and western, a rosewood and abalone guitar was handmade by Lyle Lovett’s longtime colleague Bill Collings. Master luthiers John and Jake Bolin of Bolin Guitars have built this guitar to the exact specifications of the prolific American musician and songwriter Steve Miller. Getting one of these special commissions is really cool, but how you’ll get it is even cooler, backstage at the musician’s concert. With the purchase of each Texas Guitar, Neiman Marcus will donate $5,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($30,000 each; page 44)

The fun doesn’t stop there. Try not to start spontaneously punching yourself in the face while whispering “no … no … no” when you consider such items as the $400,000 “Dream Trip To India” which promises “dinners hosted by royalty, private cricket lessons, a dance lesson on a private Bollywood movie set” or the $80,000 “Trunk of Accessories.”

DREAM TRIP TO INDIA
For centuries, travelers have been entranced by the rich culture and historic grandeur of India. Now it’s your turn to experience this country’s vast beauty for yourself through O’Harani Luxe Experiences. For 12 days, you and a guest will travel in private planes and vintage cars to the finest hotels, restaurants, and experiences (dinners hosted by royalty, private cricket lessons, a dance lesson on a private Bollywood movie set). From legendary Delhi and the Taj Mahal, to artistic Jaipur, romantic Udaipur, and finally Mumbai, you’ll explore this fascinating country in luxurious style. With the purchase of the India Trip, Neiman Marcus will donate $15,000 to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation.
($400,000; page 48)

Fuckin’ rich people.

 

SOURCE [h/t Newser |Images: Multivu]

The Neiman Marcus’ Christmas Book Is Filled With ‘Extraordinary Luxury’, AKA ‘Nothing Your Poor Ass Can Afford’

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