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THE OFFICIAL LIST OF CELEBRITY UNTOUCHABLES

The following actors are beyond your scrutiny. They’ve paid their dues and established themselves as the coolest of the coolest. Lest you want to be considered an asshole, it’s best never to hate on them.

Bill Murray
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Murray is a man of the people. He’s known to crash random parties, send epic Christmas cards and was even once stopped by police in Stockholm on suspicion of driving a golf cart drunk. The guy is great. And he is, without a doubt, the most untouchable untouchable on this list.

Morgan Freeman
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Freeman starred in “The Shawshank Redemption” and “Unforgiven,” which is enough to put him among the ranks of the celebrity untouchables. He is also an accomplished beekeeper, which brings him even closer to the tip-top. Freeman has been in three Academy Award-winning movies for “Best Picture,” and his voice is sultry, smooth and deliciously deep in every single one of them.

Tom Hanks
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Hanks is continuously ranked as one of the most liked actors of all time. He was the youngest person to ever receive an American Film Institute Lifetime Achievement Award, and he won back-to-back “Best Actor” Oscars for his work in “Philadelphia” and “Forrest Gump.” He’s also hosted SNL eight times. Need we say more?

Kevin Spacey
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One time when Spacey was a kid, he burnt down his sister’s treehouse and was forced to go to military school, where he was promptly expelled for hitting another student with a tire. Awesome. In addition to blowing minds in “The Usual Suspects,” “American Beauty,” and “Se7en,” Spacey is also a talented impressionist.

Jack Nicholson
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Nicholson has been nominated for more Oscars than any other actor. From “The Shining” to “The Departed,” he has maintained a gold standard that has never faded. I imagine his real-life persona is a lot like his role as Frank Costello in “The Departed,” save for the killing gangsters and doing massive hauls of cocaine with hookers — actually, scratch that.

Johnny Depp
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Depp is the epitome of a “cool cat,” but he’s also a caring soul. He tried his darnedest to set the West Memphis Three free and even once offered to pay off Nicholas Cage’s debts. The man, however, has never won an Oscar, which means it’s about time to start a hashtag. Who’s with me?

Denzel Washington
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You never see Washington pontificate beyond the silver screen about things such as, say, politics. You never hear him cheaply take up a cause just to score PR points with the Hollywood crowd. He just does his job and kicks ass at it. And we appreciate it. We’ve all seen “Man on Fire” and “Training Day,” but if you have the means, we’d highly recommend “The Equalizer,” too.

Bryan Cranston
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It’s ironic that the most evil character of all time, Walter White, is played by perhaps the most genuine and affable person in Hollywood.

Jennifer Aniston
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Aniston strikes us as someone who doesn’t give a fuck. Which is incredibly sexy. She went full raunch in “Horrible Bosses,” spouting off lines like, “I bet you’re no shrimp in the cock department, Dale.” After an already accomplished career in both television and film, she hit the big time with “Friends” (but we all still remember her 23-year-old bodacious bod in 1993’s “Leprechaun”).

Keanu Reeves
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Reeves took a 90 percent pay cut so that Gene Hackman could be cast in “The Replacements” alongside him. This generosity has been a theme of his career. In addition to donating millions to cancer research, he once gave the stunt crew of “The Matrix” Harley Davidson motorcycles as a gift. He is a peach, and highly deserving in his status as an untouchable.

Steve Buscemi
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One might want to call Buscemi an A-lister due to his role on “Boardwalk Empire” alone, which earned him two Screen Actors Guild Awards. But his career is studded with memorable parts in indie films such as “Reservoir Dogs.” He’s been a favorite of the Coen Brothers since “Fargo,” putting a cherry on top as Donny in “The Big Lebowski.” Did you know he was also once a firefighter?

Bruce Campbell
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Hail to the king, baby. Once dubbed the “Laurence Oliver of bad movies,” Campbell’s perfection as Ash, and his giant, beautiful chin propelled him to B-movie superstar status. He was paid only $93,000 for “Army of Darkness,” but the cult of Campbell would live on.

Fun fact: In between roles in the “Evil Dead” franchise, he took a job as a security guard for Anheuser-Busch’s San Fernando Valley plant.

Dennis Hopper
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Now deceased, but forever in our hearts after decades of hilarious villainy, Hopper remains an untouchable even from the clouds. We will perhaps never laugh as hard as we did watching chillingly macabre characters such as Deacon in “Waterworld” and Howard Payne in “Speed.”

Willem Dafoe
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Dafoe’s diversity as an actor is unparalleled. In the ’80s, he was firing bullets at Vietcong (and taking a few, too). In the ’90s, he was kicking mobsters in the nuts dressed in drag. By 2002, he was the Green Goblin. A chameleon of the highest caliber, a casual viewer might not have noticed that he was also that psychotic murderer on a motorbike in “The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

William H. Macy
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Sure, Macy might’ve pissed off people from North Dakota with his stereotypical portrayal in “Fargo,” but that’s about the extent of his controversy. The warm, congenial actor will forever be a solid anti-diva in the industry. Yer darn tootin’.

Kurt Russell
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Russell has never had a hankering for fame and fortune, which is probably why he has had such immense success in cult movies. Like Bruce Campbell, he seems anti-Hollywood, and is currently in Vancouver living with his longtime wife Goldie Hawn shooting guns. In all, he’s never needed big studio financing to carve out his epic action hero niche (see: “Big Trouble in Little China”).

Paul Giamatti
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Pig Vomit. Enough said.

Elijah Wood
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He hasn’t aged since “Flipper,” but that’s not the reason Wood is on this list. The Hobbit himself has played every role imaginable from soccer hooligan to psychopath. But most of all, he’s a genuinely cool guy with no pretense. He’s also not afraid to hang out with asshole comedians and shoot the shit (while holding his ground, of course).

Danny Trejo
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Trejo is a badass Mexican, and he seems to have perfected said typecasting. We’re only including him here so that he doesn’t show up at our houses and methodically dice us with a machete. Kidding aside, he was once a champion boxer at San Quentin while he was imprisoned for drug offenses before becoming famous in Hollywood. He is, in every way, an untouchable.

Charlie Day
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Charlie Day plays Charlie Kelly on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” He’s also making strides in Hollywood (more so than his “Sunny” counterparts, at least), which is exciting for many reasons. Charlie, soon to the A-List you will go, yet already we don’t hate you one bit.

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