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People Share The Most NSFW Things That Ever Happened At Work… Uhh… HR?

 

“NSFW” is, by definition, something that is, hello, not suitable for work. But that doesn’t mean that NSFW never happens at work, it’s just still not…suitable. Over on Reddit, people shared the times that they witnessed incredibly inappropriate stuff in a professional setting.

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1. After reading lendergle‘s story, you will never leave your shoes anywhere alone ever again.

Went into work because monitoring software on a server was sending out alerts. When I got there, a guy was in the break room cleaning a woman’s shoe in the sink.

He was super startled when I walked in and began some weird story about the shoe smelling bad and it distracting him so he decided to just grab it and wash it. I was like “uh, well OK then Good Corporate Citizen.”

A few weeks later, someone walked in on him masturbating with a woman’s shoe. Apparently, it was normal for female employees to occasionally leave a pair of shoes at the office. This was in Chicago, and you either left shoes there or carried them with you on your commute so that you could wear boots in the slush.

At his exit interview, he made a point of saying that he always washed the shoes afterward. As if that somehow made it OK. They let him resign in lieu of calling the cops on him (although I’ve often wondered what the charges would have been. Is this even a crime?)

The day he left, a memo went around explaining what had happened and authorizing full compensation for replacement of any shoes that had ever been left overnight.

2. Forest_ranger‘s story gives new meaning to “quick change.”

When I was 19 I worked for a quick oil change place and I had a woman sit in her car and change every stitch of clothing while I stood there and wrote down her information.

3. You definitely don’t want to lose any bets at the sign show where el-toro-loco used to work.

I used to work in a sign shop that specialized in vehicle wraps. My coworkers were always fucking around, and one of them must have lost a bet or something. I walked around a tour bus we were wrapping, and I saw him standing on the scissor lift, applying the wrap to the bus, wearing only his work belt and shoes.

4. Martogg‘s experience makes me miss the days when people regularly got actual film developed.

I worked in a photo lab at a Meijer right out of high school. This was just a couple of years before digital cameras killed film so I still dealt with people bringing in disposables and rolls of film to develop. 95% of the stuff I saw was kids birthday parties and vacation shots.

The rest though was some NSFW stuff. One woman in her mid 40s that apparently liked to party with her friends had a thing about resting her boobs on people’s head (nice boobs BTW). Another guy dropped off a disposable camera for one hour development. I ran it through and the entire roll was a woman who was drop dead gorgeous just posing naked on the bed. Well when he returned to pick up the pictures she was with him. That was a very awkward moment of ringing them up and she couldn’t look me in the eye. Had another guy drop off a camera who was a real class act. Naked photos of his gf/wife, a collection of guns, and him snorting coke off a family picture.

One other story I have is about a couple that brought in a roll of film. I ran it through the process and most of the images were innocuous, but the final few were probably a little saucy. I say probably because the images were so dark I couldn’t make out much more than a silhouette. It was likely the wife modeling off some lingerie. I never printed the pictures though since they were almost all black. They picked them up and returned a short time later with my manager and store director in tow demanding I be fired for stealing those last few shots. My explanation didn’t satisfy them so I was forced to put their film back in the machine and show exactly how the shots were and why they weren’t printed. After that they got real sheepish and muttered an apology before quickly leaving.

5. Apparently “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” are words to live by where Craychel works.

I once saw a girl sit down on the floor in one of the cubicles and show everyone her clit ring.

6. Thehezz24 got a little lot more information than he needed.

I worked at a restaurant and one of the hostesses would talk about having anal beads in while working and how she came when she walked around the restaurant.

7. Along those same lines, Only_Get_Them_Off also had a coworker who was into talking about what was up her butt.

I worked at a restaurant with a woman who “forgot” to take her butt plug out before her shift. She just had to tell somebody… and then somebody else, and then two or three more some bodies, who all told somebody else. Eventually, the butt plug story made its way to management. Management had a meeting, decided it came down to uniform policy. Decided since the butt plug wasn’t visible to customers, it wasn’t an issue. Girl started wearing her butt plug all the time. Pretty cool job.

8. MrEmouse‘s boss’ son had an affinity for an interesting type of porn.

Owner’s son at a computer repair shop would use the test bench to look up stupid shit. He got the test bench infected with viruses while looking at cat porn.

No people…. Just cats…. Having sex.

At least he was laughing uncontrollably at it instead of furiously masturbating to it.

9. Stupidchange was probably wishing his monitor was a little smaller.

I was working for an international company and we were rolling out video conferencing equipment. We had the far end system in the London office on and connected (it was like 9PM there) for testing. The monitor was off there, but the camera wasn’t. I was looking at network traffic when I heard voices. Looked up and saw an exec and his male assistant.

Went about my business when my co-worker walked in and said “Hey stupidchange, did you get tha- WHAT THE FUCK?”. Exec had dropped to his knees and started going at it. On our 60″ monitor.

I quickly killed the connection. And I still don’t know if my side was muted or not, but if it wasn’t it was probably pretty funny with some dude getting a beej and the a sudden voice coming through from nowhere.

10. Feliscat‘s client’s computer apparently didn’t need to be fixed, it needed to be confiscated.

When I worked at a big box electronics company I did computer janitor work. A lady brought in her 14 year old boy’s laptop because it was ‘acting slow’. I booted it up in front of her, it had one folder on the desktop named after the kid. Opened that up and she and I both got an eyeful of thumbnails of the kid jacking it . Was insanely awkward. I closed and deleted the folder and gave her the computer back – she said ‘yeah, we don’t need to get this fixed, he’s not getting a computer back again’.

11. Does Phantomlvr work on the Enterprise?

There was a guy and a girl, not in a relationship, that used to regularly go into the sick bay around lunchtime for 10-20mins. She was a bit loud. Everyone nearby knew when they were in session

12. F_Tweetzche‘s coworker should have saved that sort of stuff for the bedroom. Or just any place that wasn’t work.

I worked with a woman who claimed she could give herself an orgasm using only her mind. On two occassions, I saw her demonstrate this.

Of course, she could have been lying, but that is a weird thing to lie about.

She claimed that the more people were watching, the easier it was for her.

She seemed pretty convincing.

13. Swarf‘s old job had an effective way of determining when to end meetings.

First start-up I worked at in the 90s (just a few of us) ran meetings by having the note taker use a sheet of paper placed over a Playboy. If the note taker started flipping through the magazine, the meeting wasn’t interesting enough and was declared over.

14. Fromhe didn’t see the van a’rockin’ so he didn’t bother a’knockin’. Big mistake.

I was the “Spot Kid” at a car dealership when I was 18. Moved cars around on the lot, when we got a “spot”, I’d clean it. A spot was the term for when one of the salesman sold a car.

I’d also clean up trade-ins and some other vehicles when i got a chance.

We took in one of those big ass conversion vans on a trade. It was left in the back lot. On most slow nights, I’d grab one of the trades that was going to go back out on the lot and clean it. I was putting off cleaning this van for a while. It’s a big ass can and it would take hours. So when I finally decide to clean it, I grab the keys and head to the back of the lot.

Open the door, there’s two of the male salesman going at it on the shitty pullout bed. While the female sales manager watched from one of the swiveling captains chairs. There was a shit ton of coke involved. I shut the door and slowly backed away.

Never cleaned that van. The service manager asked why i hadn’t already. Told him that.. let’s say “Jan”, said I didn’t have to, and to ask her. Few days later it gets loaded up and sent to auction. Nothing was mentioned for a few days about what I saw, but it was weird in the sales office when I was around.

15. IQ818‘s coworkers were engaged in a very special type of conference.

In my company we have live video in every conference room. If a meeting is scheduled between 2 rooms, then the live conference connects automatically and the 2 rooms are both on live video. Anyone in the company can schedule this. Well we were in a meeting that ended and the next meeting connected. Turns out the people in the room for the next meeting did not know this and were in a very NSFW activity. The whole executive team watched in shock what was happening in the 100 inch screen in front of them.

They still have jobs. But that will haunt them forever.

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