JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next

People Shared The Worst Sex Advice They’ve Ever Received And ‘Twist The Head’ Is Just The Beginning

 

For a good decade of my life I really, truly believed that Asian girls had sideways lady parts. Someone I trusted told me this and I took it to be gospel. That turned out to be untrue. I was lied to. I was upset with my friend, but then I thought how much more humiliation he could have inflicted on me. If he told me to sing a Michael McDonald song while rubbing my nipples as a tactic to enhance her orgasm, I may have given it a shot. Anything to get an edge. And from then on, I would have been known as the ‘Michael McDonald Nipple Lover’ and I’d probably have to change my name and start a new life in Peru.


cheekahrah:

You only become pregnant if you both finish at the same time.

Looks like if I want to have kids, I have to find a girl who cums after eight pumps.


AdelineKitty:

Cosmo advice: Take a baseball and when he’s on top, roll it along his spine. The ridges of the baseball will give him a massage while he’s going at it. I think they also said it will increase his orgasm or something….
I think Cosmo writers are either (A) Perpetually drunk or
(B) Actually 14 year old girls in a treehouse thinking up this shit.

Taking sex advice from Cosmo is like taking workout advice from Melissa McCarthy.


6cldcs:

Twist the head.

I was raised to never, under any circumstance, put my hands on a woman. Well, dad, I present you this.


-Lime-:

From Cosmo (obviously): “Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects.”

I’m just imagining a woman riding her boyfriend and suddenly grabing a pepper mill and yelling “Would you want some pepper with that?”

How shitting does your sex life have to be to bring preservatives into the bedroom?


BaftyCrastards:

“It’s simple. Just stick it inside her and pee.”

Duh.


okay_sky:

Pull anal beads out like you’re starting a lawnmower.

And get a suffocating whiff of freshly laid mulch!


Snorlax0143:

How do you finger a girl?:
Slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself.

I laughed at this one for about 3 straight minutes.


Khogewerf:

If a guy sucks your dick you gotta suck his dick back to un-do the gayness.

Two negatives make a positive?


Taftimus:

Cosmo: Find the seam on his balls and give them a pinch, it will make his orgasm that much more mind blowing.

My ex-girlfriend tried this on me, it made me cry.

Emphasis on EX-girlfriend.


MentalUproar:

From the high school locker room:

Dip your balls in a mug of hot water to kill all the sperm. Then she can’t get pregnant.

You should see the Facebook profiles now. Lot of trailers, crosses on the walls, and unhappy faces.

You can’t teach this level of stupid.


lostpasswordnoemail:

“It’s not cheating if its anal.”

Nice, I’ll let my girlfriend know.


Djbrr:

Double wrap condoms for twice the safety.

I can’t feel anything with one condom. Hard pass on this.

If the girls on top and you finish in her, gravity will prevent her from getting pregnant.

Cool. Now meet my nine children.

Just be yourself, girls will love you.

LOL. Nope, fake it till you make it.

If you rinse out a vagina with a turkey bastor after unprotected sex, pregnancy prevention increases by 98%

I don’t even have dinner plates, never mind a turkey bastor.

JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next
Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors