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People Shared The Most WTF Reasons They’ve Had To Stop In The Middle Of Sex And WOW

It’s never a good thing when you have to pull the ripcord and shut it down mid-coitus, but sometimes shit happens. Maybe you forgot to lock the door and her ‘roommates’ came bursting in and it turned out to be an angry father with a Louisville Slugger? Or perhaps you were both buck naked bangin’ on the bathroom floor when someone kicked open the door to drop a dump. Maybe you forgot to lock the door in the first place, or mayhaps you were having sex in the back seat of your car when a cop knocked on the window with his flashlight. I could keep listing reasons but you get the point, sometimes shit happens.

Below, a bunch of people shared the most WTF reasons they’ve had to shut it down during sex and some of these are pretty unexpected (via AskReddit):


InappropriateThrwawy:
She thought she heard someone break into my house. And she was correct. I thought she was bullshitting but I did the whole “don’t worry babe I’ll check it out bullshit” to try to get super awesome “oh my you’re my hero!” fucking after I got back. Grabbed my pistol for the full effect. When I got the the back door I saw someone had smashed out a little pane of glass on it and they were reaching in to get to the locks. Dick went from diamond hard to silly-putty in like .1 seconds


Barackis:


So I was giving it to my wife doggy style. She was on the edge of the bed and our backs were to the door. Anyway, the dog was freaking out for a little while and eventually I said “why is the dog freaking out?” only to have my 5 year old respond behind me “maybe its because im standing here”
Needless to say, that scared the shit out of me and our bedroom now had a lock.


The chick’s perspective

bedazzlethis:
He was f*cking my breasts and I made the mistake of looking down.
With each thrust, the hole at the tip of his penis would open and close like a little mouth singing a jovial, albeit silent tune.
Where I was, it was an unexpected cartoon on mute. From his perspective, I looked at his cock and laughed.


QuinstonChurchill:
I had recently torn some muscles in my shoulder playing ice hockey. I was on top holding myself up and my shoulder gave out. I landed right on her face with all my weight. Night ended with a trip to the ER, a broken nose, and two black eyes.


gameboyhomeboy:

Once we realized both of our kids were napping we ran to the bedroom knowing at any minute we could be stopped by a crying baby. Fast and furious mid-afternoon sex, trying to make it to the finish line…. We hear a faint crying through the baby monitor, and she yelled hurry up! I jumped up right before I finished to put it in her mouth, forgetting that our ceiling fan was on high. I stuck my head directly into it, knocking me off our unusually high bed. My fucking head hit the corner of our dresser and my scream woke both of our kids into full on screaming. She leaves to get the kids, I’m laying on my floor still partially erect and in agony. I did not finish.


IntheMiddlingWest:
First her 4 year old son walked in and let the dog in, then the dog got on the bed, then my lady friend turned the light on and we discovered her period had started, then the dog threw up all over the bed


BlueishCollar:


She was on top. Dick popped out. She came down. Dick got bent.


deadhead94:
She’s on top I try to slap her ass hit myself in the balls instead.


cornnndog:
I couldn’t focus. We were in like spooning position, with her in front of me. Her cat climbed on the bed and sat in front of her and faced me. He maintained eye contact with me the whole time. It was so awkward.


betneey:
The pizza delivery guy was knocking on the door. We forgot we’d ordered it about 30 minutes prior.


partial_to_dreamers:

I fainted. We were going at it and it felt amazing. Suddenly I tunnel visioned, yelled something incomprehensible, and passed out. We like to refer to it as the time we fucked to unconsciousness.


ooo-ooo-oooyea:
weird old guy knocked on my car window and yelled “show me your titties”


whatsthatpidge:
A cold, wet dog nose touching my butt shut down the sexy time pretty quickly.


Phonyme:
She was in the cowgirl position and our thighs started making farting sounds. She couldn’t stop laughing


OldSpiceDemoman:
My roommate I was living with at the time screamed “EHHH HARREHHH DONT STOHP. ACCIO BUM” through the door. Hard to keep going after that.


I-aint-never:


We were quietly having sex while her parents were home. We had done this many times and every time we cover up the noise by turning on a movie or a TV show. This time we turned on Spongebob.
Middle of having sex something funny happened in the show and I just busted out laughing completely killing the mood. She, unfortunately, did not find it so entertaining.


I’d like to hear the rest of this story.

ColdBeef:
Got walked in on by my high school football team. The first guy to come in literally yelled “HE WAS LICKING HER BEAVER!”


resbit77:
My ipod was on shuffle and Weird Al’s “Dare to be Stupid” came on


Bluscrf:
Parent walked in. Nothing more pleasant to a parent’s eyes than walking in and seeing their son plowing their girlfriend.


Ohsoeasy:


My boyfriend at the time vomited but he was on his back so it went all over his face. It was New Year’s Eve. Talk about a mood killer.


StubbornPotato:
Emergency bathroom run. ended up having about 5 minutes of noisy poops while I could hear her laughing so hard she was snorting


Kingjaybaby:
Her daughter picked the lock and came in the room. Thinking I was hurting her mom. Weiirdddd


badassmthrfkr:


We were in HS and couldn’t find a good place for sex, so we were fucking in my car parked off a remote road when a police car drove up behind us and flashed the police lights. I quickly unmounted and we dressed as quickly as possible when the police knocked on the door and asked me to get out of the car. I only had my boxers and t-shirt on at that point but I complied anyway and the police started asking questions to my girlfriend: “Are you here at your own will? It’s okay to tell the truth because you’re safe now.” He let us go, but it sure made me feel like a rapist.


This one’s a doozy…

neurorhythmic:
I’ve posted this in a thread before but I’ll put it here too. I’m more of the fucked up one in this story.
So, I had been in a relationship with this girl for a little while. We’d had sex a few times already but we’re usually considerably intoxicated during (it was college). I usually give a disclaimer prior to having sex that something strange happens every now and then while having sex.
So, we’re having sex one evening. Absolutely amazing sex. She’s really into it and is getting close to orgasm while on top of me. Cue dirty talk “I’m gonna cum. Yeah, right there. Etc.” When suddenly I feel it coming.
oh fuck, not now
No, ladies and gentlemen, I did not shit the bed or lay down an earth shattering fart. I did not prematurely ejaculate or fall asleep. That is not where this story is going.
After what seemed to be an eternity of holding it in, I could not contain it anymore.
I started laughing.
I tried to contain it. But it’s difficult to hide the convulsions of laughter when a woman is on top of you. She asks if I’m ok. I try to use a dismissive hand gesture to get her to go back about her business but now she’s genuinely concerned.
The more I try to hold it in, the worse it gets. I can’t hold it anymore and I start fucking howling. Tears streaming down my face. I can’t control it or stop to take a breath or say “I’m not laughing at you. This happens sometimes.” I can only squeak out a few vowels.
I try to cover my face in a desperate attempt to hide it from her. Mind you she is still sitting atop my penis which has gone flaccid. These factors combined with my seemingly psychotic display led to a punch, not a slap ladies and gentlemen, a punch, straight to the side of my head.
I bet you thought that serious’d me the fuck up right quick. Wrong again presumptuous reader. I start laughing so hard that I can hardly breath.
She then dismounts from from my gummy worm with such ferocity that she unleashes the queen of all queefs. The laughter has now become silent, rapid, convulsions.
Cue “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re a fucking asshole. Etc.”
She is dressed and out the door with a slam before I can get off the bed.
About 10 minutes later it finally stops. I find her on my porch sobbing while smoking a cigarette. I then, very carefully explain that I have the worst nervous laughter that I have ever seen. After two hours of incredulous questioning, and a phone call to an ex that corroborated my story, she accepted that I am a cursed man. We were together for a long time and made sexytime many times after that. She learned to ignore the laughter.
What had happened was, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever had in my bed. I got so excited that she was that into it and that she was about to reach orgasm that I got nervous about doing something wrong. Cue vicious cycle of nervous laughter.
TL;DR: Had sex with the most beautiful woman I’d ever had in my bed. Had a fit of unapologetic, hysterical, nervous laughter. Got punched in the head. Had to call an ex-girlfriend to convince her that I wasn’t a psychopath.


Last, but not least…

JUMP TO COMMENTS

MistingFidgets:
She farted on my balls which made her laugh so hard that she peed on me.

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