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You’re at the restaurant, the bottle of wine has just arrived, but the excruciating conversation and utter lack of chemistry with your date make you wish you were drinking a jug of Drano instead of a mid-priced malbec. You’re on a bad date and there’s no escape — or so you think.

There are actually a few reputable ways you can bail on a horrible date without horribly offending anyone or sacrificing your sense of decency. They require the intuitiveness of a Brosnan-era Bond and the reflexes of a cat, but they’re all quite doable.

 

 

1. Cry diarrhea

Please note: this involves absolutely no amount of fecal matter on or near the eyeballs — it’s just a name. The fact is, claiming nausea is the oldest trick in the book; anybody who’s anybody will feign sickness to get out of a test, dinner party, or date. However, feigning diarrhea is believable because… well… diarrhea is really embarrassing.

Not only will your date believe you, but it’ll successfully block the notion of anything remotely sexual for the rest of the evening. Plus, what kind of person wants to push on with a date when they know you could shit your pants at any given time?

5. The fire drill

We highly advise against pulling any tricks on America’s best and bravest, but there are some dates that warrant the fines, the embarrassment, and the potential jail time involved in pulling a fire drill when there’s no such fire to speak of. What kind of date would cause such a defiant and bold act?

When all else fails: she doesn’t care about diarrhea, your friend forgot to call you about an emergency, she carries around a spare EpiPen, and she wants to have a threesome with the “other woman.” When there’s nothing left to lose, you pull the fire alarm and hope to God she doesn’t notice you’ve started a full-on sprint into a taxi cab while everyone in the restaurant waits outside.

6. Try honesty

Just kidding. What are you, a sociopath?

SOURCE

 

 

A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO BAILING ON A HORRIBLE DATE

 

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