QUICK AND EASY HANDHELD BREAKFAST FEASTS
On the list of horrible things in this world, mornings land in third place, behind scabies and Martin Shkreli. You have to wake up. And unless you work from home or are an aerobics teacher at a nudist resort, you have to put on pants. And most people have to drive or take public transportation.
Whether you’re gripping the steering wheel or gripping the subway or bus pole, chances are you only have one free hand (at least) to hold on to something delicious and/or nutritious for breakfast. Sure, you could just wake up early and eat something before you leave the house, but then what would you do during that obligatory commute? If you are going to spend extended time sitting in traffic or on a train/bus, you might as well multitask.
This quick and delectable recipe eschews any red sauce for a more breakfast-friendly egg, and only takes about 10 minutes to throw together.
- English muffins
- Shredded cheese
- Bacon or pepperoni
Not only is this one of the healthier options on this list (because frankly, you have all day to burn these calories off, guys) but it’s also an option for those with peanut allergies — and people who have a weird desire to eat Chia Pets. You know who you are. This is the recipe, friends.
- Chia seeds
- Sun butter (or peanut butter… if you really want)
This Tex-Mex wrap is incredibly basic, but sometimes, a little Southwest simplicity is just what you need while waiting in soul-crushing traffic, or stuffing yourself in a sardine-can subway car. If you can’t figure out how to make this (for some reason), check out the recipe.
- Cheddar and/or American cheese
- Large flour tortillas
These take a little longer than other things on this list, but luckily, Pillsbury’s dough still bakes up pretty damn fast. With a little foresight (i.e., waking up a meager 15 minutes earlier), you can have a delicious breakfast that’s perfect to take on the road. Hold this fruit-and-nut-butter-stuffed croissant in one hand while you man the steering wheel with the other. Find the recipe right freaking here.
- Refrigerated crescent rolls
Again, this takes a little prep, but once you’ve got it together, that commute will be infinitely improved. You might as well eat while traveling, right? You’ve got nothing better to do. This one gives a little cockney edge to the tried-and-true breakfast sandwich template. And despite the reputation Brits have for creating subpar foods, this sandwich is guaranteed to leave your bollocks in a twist. That’s a good thing, right? Find the recipe here, chaps.
- English muffins
- Cheddar cheese
- Sliced black pudding (but you can probably substitute sausage instead)
If you didn’t know, the humble PB&J may be the most influential sandwich in American history. Is sticking the tried-and-true formula between two fresh Eggos blasphemy? Hardly. It’s just making something already great, even greater. Like when they added Danny DeVito to the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. So basically Danny DeVito is like a waffle. If you can’t figure this one out, we’ve got you covered with the recipe right here.
- Peanut butter
After much internal debate, I decided to include a smoothie on this list, even though I prefer liquid breakfast with alcohol that’s paired with eggs Benedict while waiting in line for two hours. But, you know, this is really easy to hold with one hand. Learn how to blend this sucker up, here.
Again, another instance of bringing waffles into the fold to make a great thing even better. Granted tuna is kind of weird for breakfast, but if you’re chowing down alone in your Mazda, who’s gonna know? Learn how to make them, right damn here.
- Shredded cheddar
- Green onions
- Tuna salad
OK, so this one probably takes up to an hour to make. BUT! Make a loaf the night before, and you can easily cut off a piece and eat it for breakfast for several days. This is essentially banana bread with avocado swapped in for ‘nanas. So yeah… add UGGs and Adele and it’s a white girl’s wet dream. And this is how you bake it.
- Mashed avocado
Is Canadian bacon better than regular bacon? Is it really just ham? Do people really eat it in Canada? I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t want to know. I just know it pairs well with a puffy omelet and a single hand. Which is all I care to know. The recipe’s right here.
- Canadian bacon
- Cheddar cheese
- Fresh mushrooms