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Rating Movie Scenes Where People Take Horrific Sh*ts

Sometimes it feels like life is just a long series of embarrassments — from screwing up at school to getting bad acne (which we should absolutely not be embarrassed by), it’s all bad. The grand-daddy of them all, of course, is none other than sh*tting. “Everybody poops”? Hardly any comfort, my friends. But hey, sh*tting’s funny when it involves other people, so that’s why I’ve gotten over my… DEEP discomfort with poop and have ranked a bunch of comedic diarrhea scenes from movies. My criteria is: how realistic are they? How innovative? And mainly, do you get a good chuckle out of them? Oh boy, get ready for the height of humor, folks!

 

Dumb and Dumber

It’s hard for me to accurately determine just how funny this scene from Dumb and Dumber is in a modern context, as I will forever associate it with my mother laughing harder than a human being is meant to laugh the first time she saw it. Still, Jeff Daniels sells the absolute hell out of it, and the sounds don’t sound so outlandish that they no longer resemble actual diarrhea noises, so it has to rank at least pretty high. RATING:4/5

 

Hall Pass

The Farrelly brothers return to the “graphic scenes of taking a dump as humor” well with diminished results here. For some reason, the angle just doesn’t seem right; while these kinds of sudden shock gags can be effective, I just feel like her explosive diarrhea should’ve landed lower. RATING: 2/5

 

American Pie

Pretty rote and by the numbers here, American Pie. Eddie Kaye Thomas at least gives it the ol’ Jeff Daniels commitment. I feel like it just would’ve seemed funnier if they’d turned the noise down a few notches and trusted their actor to convey what was going on. SHOW! DON’T! TELL! RATING: 2/5

 

Trainspotting

Trainspotting isn’t necessarily a comedy, but it does have some incredibly funny scenes, and this is a good example — not only does he take an absolutely horrific dump in the most disgusting toilet in Scotland, he then has to crawl into said toilet to retrieve the heroin suppositories he forgot were up his ass. Very good. RATING: 4.5/5

 

Van Wilder

Another generic massive sh*t because of a laxative scene. Oh, he does it in a trash can in front of some people? WHO CARES??? Boooo. RATING: 1/5

 

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

I think it’s important for me to put aside my own discomfort with… “number 2” and say that Harold & Kumar‘s infamous “battle sh*ts” scene is, in its own way, kind of ground breaking. Not only are male characters punished for potentially spying on women in the bathroom (a thing male characters would normally be cheered for), the women also have agency over there own… uh, scatological well-being. Okay, I’m reaching here, but this scene is fine. RATING: 3/5

 

White Chicks

It’s not possible for any amount of horrific excrement to be anywhere near as nauseating as the make-up and prosthetics in this nightmare. RATING: 1/5

 

Detroit Rock City

Detroit Rock City has an example of what Harold & Kumar makes fun of — the female character isn’t making the conscious decision to have a horrific bowel movement, thus giving herself agency over it. She’s doing it because she thinks she’s alone, and thus has no idea of the potential for her own ridicule. Thus ends my master’s thesis. RATING: 1/5

 

Jackass 3D

You can’t argue with this level of commitment being demonstrated by Steve-O. Imagine, going through everything this guy went through only for me to give it a low rating. I WOULD NEVER! RATING: 4.5/5

 

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

This scene doesn’t feature diarrhea, but it was made because of diarrhea. Harrison Ford caught dysentery and was physically unable to shoot the original, planned fight scene, and it lead to one of the all-time great movie scenes. RATING: 5/5

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