This question asked to men by Redditor TheRavenousRabbit combined with the complete anonymity afforded those who utilize the site is just too hilarious to ignore.
The question posed to the guys? “What are your worst failures in the bedroom/during sex?”
The answers? Priceless.
Girlfriend was riding me cowgirl position. She looked so good up there that I just had to reach around and smack her on the ass. Unfortunately, I reached a little too far, and slapped my balls between her legs with great enthusiasm. Had to take a breather before we could continue lol. ~groggyhippo
Moaned my own name out loud. Was turned on at the thought of her doing it, but i kinda thought out loud. ~ Evil_AppleJuice
Fell alseep while receiving a BJ. ~ Dispatter
Sneezed blood all over the back of a girl I was dating at the time in doggy style once. ~ Coidzor
Drunk, watching my gf (we’ll call her R) with another girl (Bl). I decide to have sex with R doggy style, but B was pretty tall, so R was close to the end of the bed. I tried to balance on the edge of the bed, fell off and cracked my head on the wall.
The girls did not notice. ~ 4_string_troubador
Having sex in my friend’s bed – we both knew her bed was broken, but in our drunken state we decided to do it anyway. All of her housemates heard the springs jangling, then one corner of the mattress gave way entirely – we kind of slid into the corner of the room between the bedframe and the wall, and had to disentangle ourselves. ~ i_a1m_to_misbehave
Drunk, girl going down on me, she was really good and in a particular moment where she caused me to lift a bit… I farted, and it was rancid. ~ TheGentlemanLoser
My wife and I were going at it missionary near the top corner of the bed. The pillow got pushed onto the nightstand and caught fire from the candle. I immediately saw it and started beating the pillow with another pillow to put the fire out. It burned a huge hole through it. We laughed and now as a rule lit candles stay on the dresser away from the bed. ~ I_drive_all_over
My dick sprung a leak. It became a firehose of blood! ~ NumbAsAStatue
Wrong name. Period. ~ enjoy_life_fully
Gave each other matching concussions while changing positions. ~ mooseman923
Girl was on top and I was getting close to cumming. She got off and my cumshot hit me straight in the face. I kind of laid there in shock and she couldn’t breathe because she was laughing so hard.
TLDR: Came in my own face. ~ frumious88
Drunk as fuck going at it doggystyle. Reached down to grab a titty, lost balance and headbutt her in the back of her head. ~ atooraya
I kicked my wife in the face on the dismount first time we banged. ~ ScallyCap12
So my SO at the time and I went out for drinks and whatnot. I happened to have had just a little bit too much to drink during the evening.
After we get back to my place I’m ready to go to bed. She’s not however. She wants to have sex before bed. I’m explaining to her that my penis has already fallen asleep, and there will be no sex tonight.
Well, she was very determined to have sex and decided to give it a go. By some miracle I’m actually getting hard, but I’m still telling her that I’m not feeling that good, and we should just go to bed and resume sexual activities in the morning.
But she wants to have sex right now, and tells me that I don’t have to do much; she’ll get on top. I’m all for this, thinking how nice it will be to fall asleep having sex.
Little did I know that her bouncing up and down on my stomach would make me throw up like I’ve never done before. So I ended up puking all over her boobs, all over myself and and also all over the bed.
Then I kind of passed out and woke up hungover in a huge puddle of puke. More throwing up ensued in the morning…
Not necessarily my finest moment to be honest… ~ GltyUntlPrvnInncnt
I deserved this one.
During climax, I yelled, “MORTAL KOMBAT!”
Sex was over after that. ~ Rootkit9208
He’s right. He did deserve that. Still pretty awesome though.
REDDITORS REVEAL – 16 Stories Of Colossal Sexual Failure Will Make Your Love Life Seem Like A Romance Novel