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most awesome way you masturbated

Another day, another splendid question submitted to the always entertaining and often frightening “AskReddit” section of Reddit.

Today’s question comes to us from hbostann who asks, “What is the most awesome way you masturbated?”

Why someone would be interested in finding out the answers to this question is a mystery to me, but there are millions of people on the Internet, most of them scary, and so he probably did it just to see what kind of bizarre answers people would be willing to submit.

Mission accomplished.

I jerked off on a secluded beach in Bermuda. I found a nice little isolated crevice to change out of my swim trunks, looked out over the perfect blue water at a beautiful sunset, and being an early teen going through puberty, naturally felt the only way to express my appreciation of this beauty would be to pound my pole at it. ~ super_awesome_jr

Standing, and here’s the kicker, when you feel close to climaxing lift one of your legs as high as you can, makes the orgasm insane. ~ Toninn

I can orgasm by just tensing my thigh and butt muscles so I guess that’s a pretty awesome way of masturbating. I really don’t know what to say when people ask me why only my thighs and butt are toned. ~ eraser_dust

When I entered the solo mile high club. I had just discovered masturbation, and couldnt resist rubbing one out 35 000 feet above the ground on a flight to china. ~ the_powerglove

I found sex stories, a really long particular story series too. And I kept masturbating throughout reading the whole thing which must’ve taken like 4 hours, constantly edging. When I finally came I swear the cum flew at least 4 meters, stopped just short of the table with all my notebooks. Close one that was. Maybe I should start using throwaways. ~ Mcquiz

Bought my first vibrator with my boyfriend, now husband, a few years ago and got really excited and had to use it ASAP. Bought some c batteries from 7-11 and proceeded to use it parked across the street from a pretty busy diner downtown. Once I was done we got milkshakes! ~likeeggs

I once jerked it in the eye of a hurricane, outside and at night. There’s really no grand story behind it, other than I went outside because it had been the only time in a while where it wasn’t stormy. The urge just came over me. I sat down on a bench and ejaculated right at God’s fury. It wasn’t the best orgasm or anything, but it certainly had the best circumstances. ~theydeletedme

I got a latex glove, two sponges, a Pringles can and a shit ton of lotion. 9/10 would recommend. ~ Icyfoil

I’m totally reliant on my left hand and I had two small fractures in my middle and index fingers. I fought through the pain all the way to climax while using what fingers I had available to grip and being careful to avoid using the two fingers that were taped up. The painkillers didn’t help make it any easier, but persistence paid off and I was able to sleep like a baby knowing the fire had been squelched. ~ MinorThreat83

I used to get into a sleeping bag naked, and bash the bishop as hard and furiously as I could, trying to generate as much heat as possible for as long as possible. When I would finish and unzip myself the combination of the inrush of cool air and having just ejaculated may be the most satisfying and refreshing thing I can remember. I stopped doing this after I passed out upon standing after finishing once. ~ SedativeCorpse

The most awesome time I’ve had masturbating was on mdma. Just watched some regular old porn. Nothing special. But my god i jizzed so hard it hit the wall behind me (I was laying in bed) and my legs were shaking for about a minute straight. Glorious. ~ le_fagabond

First time ever. I was playing Jaws the video game on PS2 one day at age 12. There was this back massager in my room, decided to put it on my dick. What a wonderful world that opened up for me. Then I found out how to fuck my mattress. ~ jbtk

I’ve told this story before but I have to tell it again. When I was in grade 8, 20 years ago, I had this huge crush on this girl. I luckily had been seated beside her and we always joked about how she bites on her pen all the time. One day she bit on the pen so hard that it started to crack. I could see that while she was biting on the pen her saliva was starting to fill inside the casing of the pen.

She put down the pen to ask the teacher a question, I swiped it , took it to the bathroom emptied her saliva that was in the casing of the pen all over my 14 year old dick and went to town. Afterwards I replaced the pen like nothing happened.

Greatest and most fucked up thing I’ve ever done. ~ redlitch81

OKAY! I think we’re done here.

Of course, as is always the case with questions and answers such as this the ensuing comments that followed these admissions might even be better than the answers. So if you’re feeling freaky, head on over to Reddit for even more responses (there are a lot) and the humorous commentary that followed.

Redditors Reveal – The ‘Most Awesome Way They Have Ever Masturbated’ And Damn Reddit, You Freaky

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