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REDDIT SEX STORIES The Worst

REDDITORS REVEAL – Their ‘Worst Sex Ever’ Stories, And The One About A Soldier Losing His Virginity In A German Brothel Is 100% NOPE

REDDITORS REVEAL – Their ‘Worst Sex Ever’ Stories, And The One About A Soldier Losing His Virginity In A German Brothel Is 100% NOPE

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We used to have to make our own mistakes in the bedroom and learn from those, or learn from the mistakes of our friends in the bedroom who then relayed their stories of embarrassing sexcapades. Thanks to the beauty of the Internet we have access to the entire world’s collection of sexual misfortune, and the ‘worst sex stories’ below are some life lessons we can all learn from. Specifically: never put your feet into leather stirrups at a German brothel.

The German brothel story is actually the last one below, since it’s longer than the rest, but I REALLY need you to read that one because it’s fucked up on a whole new level….Again, these are people’s WORST SEX STORIES ever, so you’re about to ready some pretty f’d up stuff (possibly NSFW). So be prepared to be shocked.

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yellowelephant88:

She very drunkenly decided she wanted to try anal.
I wasn’t going to turn down the offer.
Went at it for a few minutes and pulled it out of her arse, she sharted on me leaving my thighs, dick and stomach looking like the mud flaps on a dirt bike.
I threw up on her back and she called a taxi.
3/10 would not recommend.


VegPan:

Growth spurt in her mouth, she threw up on my dick. Wiped it off and we finished.
She also once tried to sneak a fart out while I was inside her. I felt an air bubble roll through her along my dick. Didn’t finish that time.
What happened? I married her.


gronkspike25:

I was with this girl and she was kind of an emo chick. I can deal with that. She also liked it kinda rough which I was also kind of ok with.
Then we are having sex one night and she wanted me to choke her. So whatever cool I do a little choking and try to make her happy. She keeps saying she wants to be choked harder and harder. I keep doing this and she finally tells me to choke her until she taps me on the shoulder. She wanted to be fucking choked out practically. I finally start choking her the way she wants but at this point I’m scared this girl is going to die. I release my death grip and she slaps me in the face and says “choke me harder you bitch.”

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So I just start fucking her and choking her as hard as I can and I’m about to cum. I want to get this shit over with and nope the fuck out. Apparently she could tell I was about to cum and she told me to cum inside her. NO FUCKING WAY was I cumming inside this fucking crazy girl.
So I pull out and cum on her tummy. She is not pleased. She swipes the cum up with her hand and fucking spidermans me. Here I am sitting here with my own cum on my face and this bitch fucking pissed off because I didn’t kill her and risk impregnating her to form a crazy master race. I left and never saw her again.


Don’t worry, the ‘German Brothel’ story is coming, it’s just down below!

Chaosadnd:

Not sure if this is worst sex, but it is definitely worst sexual situation. If this is wrong, I apologize.
The last time I ever had sex with my ex wife (9 years ago) was on a rainy day in the summer. She was always quick to finish, and I sometimes took too long for her. Well on that particular day, she finished, and started the “Are you done yet?” Question over and over.
I replied .” no..” and kept putting in work. So she kept asking, about 3 more times. Then to show she was over it, grabbed a magazine, and started reading it, and ignoring me. I pulled out immediately, and never touched her again.


nordak:

Drank way too much free champagne way too fast on New Years Eve. Met a girl, ended up hitting it off, dancing, and we caught a cab together. I was already feeling nauseous at this point and wasn’t going to invite her over, but she said “we can go to your place.”
We were making out standing up, started stripping and I pulled her down onto the couch. Sitting down quickly made my head spin and I was on the verge of hurling, barely holding it in. She starts riding but I can’t hold it in anymore. I take off my festive New Years cardboard tophat and vomit into it with her staring right at me. Needless to say, that killed the mood.


NukeTheEwoks:

She thought it would be sexy to be crazy and wild in bed… So she scratched my back until it bled while making the fakest screaming and moaning noises. My roommates were not impressed (albeit amused).


47821

Alright, German brothel story time. This is the best/worst thing I’ve read in years and I really hope you stuck around long enough to read this one…

EpicallyAverage:
When I was stationed in Germany it was a custom to go to the red-light district. Me and two of my buddies brought this one kid (I think he was 18) from our unit who was still a virgin. He wasn’t an ugly guy, but he was terrified of women and just couldn’t get a girl for the life of him.

The kid, let’s call him Timmy, was crazy nervous. We took him to four different brothels, but he couldn’t decide. Timmy finally picked a girl. She looked young and innocent, just like him. He goes in the room…. 10 minutes later he is being pushed back out by the girl. He is standing there with his pants half on, shirt in hand, looking like a white Ethiopian with the most dejected look on his face I have ever seen. Turns out he couldn’t get it up because of how nervous he was. He turns around and pleads with the young girl to let him try again. He even tells her he will pay double. Well, this woman of the night had some major ethics going on. She tells him that it just isn’t going to happen and to save his money and put towards finding a nice and proper little girl that is as naive as him. (I had been in Germany for a year at this point and this young girl had the most elegant approach to the English language I had heard yet. )

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I decide that he needs a woman with real experience. We continue our search up and down the brothels. Brothels are designed in a way that the higher you go up the women would get less and less attractive and more and more older. I knew the woman he needed would be on a top floor.
After hours of searching we come across a lady who I think might have been Thai. She was short, in her 40s with long black hair and she had a musk of experience about her. She looked at Timmy and asked, “Why be puppy so scared? I can pet puppy?” I could tell right away that this was the one Timmy needed. It might not have been the one he wanted, but what one wants and what one needs are two separate things.

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After a quick negotiation, we settled on two prices. 80 duetschmarks if she could get him to cum…. 20 if she couldn’t. Once that was settled, the older woman gently reached out and took Timmy’s hand into hers. Timmy flinched instinctively, but she patted his head with the calm reassurance of a mother. Timmy followed her into her den and the door closed with a thud.
We waited outside that door for over an hour. At one point, a nice older woman came and brought us tea. We all tipped her because she had also been kind enough to serve us while topless. She would casually lean across one of from time to time, making sure her erect nipple would brush against our faces. Best tea party this American has ever had.
Finally, Timmy came out of the room. His clothes were dripping with sweat and his face was both deathly pale and rosy red at the same time. He look up into my eyes and asked me a very sincere question that I will never forget.

“Do I look any gayer now than when I went in?”
Turns out, Timmy still couldn’t get it up no matter what trick the craft lady pulled out of her box. (Yes…. I said “box” he he he) Eventually she resorted to the last thing she knew would work. She talked him into getting on the bed and putting his feet in stirrups. She produced a small black dildo. Timmy, being the naive kid his was, assumed it was for her. He said he didn’t feel anything at first, but all of the sudden he got hard. Then he felt like he needed to take a shit. Then he realized she had put the dildo in his ass. He was about to voice his concerns, but she took the dildo back out.
He was about to remove his legs from the stirrups when he heard an odd sound that reminded him of the sound a balloon that hasn’t been blown up makes when you stretch it out and then let it snap back to its original form. He tried to peek around his legs that were still spread eagle I the air but couldn’t see what made the sound.

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Then he felt it. The most fantastic orgasm he had ever experienced began to wash over him. He said it lasted so long he thought he was going to cry.
Turns out, the amazing Thai professional had snapped on a rubber glove and proceeded to milk his prostate.
To this day we still argue on whether or not his encounter with this woman counts as losing his virginity.


I say it doesn’t count, but I’ll let you be the judge.

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