JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next

REDDITORS REVEAL – Trying To Get Sexy In The Shower, Almost Being Blinded,  And More NSFW Sexcapades Gone Wrong

Most people have a raunchy/NSFW story that they love to tell but don’t ever get the opportunity to. This happens because there’s really no appropriate time to bring up the story about shower sex mishaps, or the time that some girl’s step-dad caught you hiding in the closet, etc. Stories like this are pretty much why games like ‘never have I ever’ were invented, to give John Smith and Jane Jones a platform to share the most fucked up, NSFW stories that they’d typically keep hidden. At the end of the day most of us are pretty similar people, it’s often these stories that set us apart and give us our individuality.

Case in point: the girl in the shower who tried to give the world’s greatest BJ but ended up nearly blinding herself (story below). That story, and a whole bunch of other NSFW sexcapades popped up in an AskReddit thread titled ‘What is a NSFW story you would like to share?’ and it seems like everyone and their brother came out of the woodwork to share their nastiest. So before I ramble any more, let’s get to the good stuff…


Firhel:

I once was having a shower with an ex of mine years ago. I was new to intimacy, so I overdid it sometimes trying to make sure things were “perfect”. While showering, obviously things got intimate and I decided to show him how much I loved him with a good old fashioned bj. Went down there and started going to town, I kind of took him by surprise as he was in the middle of washing his hair. I looked up at him to try and be sexy by making eye contact and doing what I saw on videos. As I looked up at him, a single drop of selson blue hit me in the eye. I always questioned what was so special about anti-dandroff shampoo, and assumed it was like every other kind. That was the day I learned that aside from regular shampoo where it hurts getting in your eye, this was like napalm. I screamed suddenly, dick still in mouth, as the fires of hell did the tango with my cornea.
My scream must has startled him as he bucked his hips, effectively giving me a hard jab in the back of my throat, I fall into the shower wall behind me and smash my head on the brick before puking up what I could only assume was 3 days worth of food onto the drain and his feet. Falling forward and slipping into my own vomit, I’m still holding my eyes while gagging and screaming. My eyes feel something that could only be compared to cyclops when he attempts to hold back his laser vision, my throat feels like I swallowed a red hot pipe. I splash through the vomit and fall onto the bath rug, attempting to stop the inferno behind my lids that would make Dante Alighieri jealous.
It all ended with me crying while wiping my eyes with a bath towel as my ex rubbed my back and tried to wipe the vomit off me.


AllTaints18:

Ok, I met a woman for a date after chatting online. We go for drinks, and the chemistry isn’t really popping, so I decide to go for a drive and see what happens. After a long time just driving around her city, she suggests we go to this park to “talk”. I agree, and after talking for a while I make a move because why not? Anyway, it escalates and I end up on top of her on the reclined passenger seat, fully engaged. This is the part where things go off the rails. She keeps guiding my hands towards her throat, and moaning etc. I’m no genius, but I know what’s up. The problem? I barely know this woman, this kind of shit requires a ton of trust, which we haven’t developed obviously.
Anyway, I just kind of have my hands loosely around her throat to make her happy, and not seem like a total prude, when POOF, a cops spotlight lights up my car like daytime.
So there I am, mounted on a woman, hands around her throat, in a park….
As we explained the situation to the cop I realized I was totally fucked if she lied….


Highmendestroyer:

So a couple years back, my girlfriend and I got our first apartment. It was awesome. We decided to celebrate one night with sexy time. The thing about her is that she squirms and shakes a lot when she cums. I usually keep a bottle of water around me usually because the medication I was on gave me super dry mouth. Earlier that day I was watching The Exorcist and it was still fresh in my mind. So I go down and start eating her out and doing what I do, when before she cums, I thought, “how funny would it be if I started throwing holy water at her while she cums?” And that’s exactly what I did. Except it wasn’t holy water, it was regular water, and I was shouting, “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” while she came. She was very upset and I did not have sex for a while. I still joke about it with her today lol


The_Escalation_Game:

I got a call about a domestic dispute in a retiree trailer park. When I got there I knocked and announced my presence. A male voice told me to come in. When I walked into the house (it was the living room area) the guy was on the couch getting head from his elderly wife. Both were bare-assed naked. I again announced my presence and the guy held up one finger and about five seconds later apparently finished. The guy got up with his member still out and came over to greet me. I’m not really a cop; I just pretend to be one when I go to my parents house.


angryherbalist:

a customer once told me her urethra was the shape of a man’s penis and points upwards. if she went pee it would go up over the counter.
she needed to tell me this because to fix her incontinence she needed 3 special types of men’s pads taped together.
she was over 80. unshowered. in a nightgown.


Book_Jizz:

During my University years, I travelled up to Leeds (north England) to visit some friends of friends for an inevitably messy piss up. Said piss up was indeed glorious after buying copious amounts of cheap gin and orange juice like the well hung grandma’s we are.
Anyway, so we all go out after pre-drinks and, completely out of character, I immediately hit on a girl as we enter a bar and I score. Baffled, I keep it up and I end up going back to hers. Before I leave I exchange confused looks with my equally baffled mates who couldn’t believed what I’d done. It was still only midnight!
Anyway so we’re talking and making out lots and get back to her student flat, diving out the taxi and scampering up into her place as fast as possible. Squeezing into her tiny bedroom with a nice little ensuite, we quickly begin jostling on the bed like electrocuted walruses… when she pauses.
“I don’t want to be a one night kind of girl. I’m not like that. Sorry.” Or words to that effect were uttered and immediately caved in my hopes and dreams.
A sudden wave of despair drowned me where I was knelt like some horny little sex goblin at the end of her bed. My cock went limp. I hung my head.
“Yeah, yeah no problem. Let’s just get some sleep.”
Though briefly awkward and ruthlessly devastating, we did cuddle up nicely and fall asleep. Only that’s just when the fun begins.
I’m half asleep, climbing out of a dream hours later when I feel a straight sensation. It feels odd and my head gets dizzy. I ignore it for a moment and then it hits me like a ton of jizzoline.
I’d had a wet dream and I’m fucking 21.
She’s right beside me, fast asleep. It’s a single bed with barely any room so the chances of her rolling into my sticky patch of shame was high. Embarrassed, I get up and quickly wash, removing my underwear and rolling them up. I stuff them into my jeans and I climb back into bed, laying in the cream puddle to my absolute dismay. It clung to me.
The next day, it’d completely dried and left a large, much darker cum patch of doom. I waited for her to get up first and immediately tidied her bed and hid the bed spunk graffiti with haste. We both cleaned, got dressed (without underwear) and made our way into town. We had coffee, laughed about the night and made our awkward goodbyes. And as I got into my taxi back to my friends, I couldn’t help but think about the present I’d left for her.
TL;DR I went to Leeds, scored a hot babe at a club. Went back to hers, got blue balled and denied sex. Had a wet dream in her bed. Hid it and escaped. 1/10 do not recommend.


SlappyKraken:

One time after having sex with my boyfriend at the time I stood up and unleashed the loudest and longest queef either of us have ever heard. I could do nothing but make horrified eye contact as what could be confused for the guttural growls of a she bear rumbled forth from my cootch.
We laughed afterwards but I was mortified. Now I’m kind of proud honestly. Plus it’s a funny story.


And last but not least…This one’s long, but it’s worth the read:

DoNotJudgeBasedOnAge:

 

 

I was 16, living with my mother and sister. My father had only recently been kicked out of the house as divorce papers were being created.
To keep my mind off of it, in the middle of the night, I took my mother’s keys and drove across town to pick up my gf at the time. We grabbed some food at McDonalds and reentered the house via my window. It was a school night. The plan was to just stay up all night doing exactly what you think. And we did just that. A total of 6 times.
So naturally, I now have 6 tied and used condoms that I couldn’t fathom disposing of anywhere near my house, so I did what I thought was clever and put all of them, plus the wrappers, into the McDonalds bag. I then dropped said bag out my window to be disposed of at a later time. Important details about my window: it faced the driveway and the air conditioning unit was almost centered about 2-3 feet away from the window, giving enough room to walk behind it. The whole house had landscaping and bushes taller than the standard ac unit, which were used to hide said unit. So there was no possible way a human could ever find the bag or see it from the road, at any angle.
What should have happened: my mom leaves with my sister to take her to school at 7am. I leave at 7:30am with gf and meet neighbor who drives us to school where I would throw away my anonymous bag of stress relief.
What actually happened: after school, my mom picks me up, which is unusual because I take the bus home every day. She takes me to mcdonalds. In the drive-through, out of the blue, she says, “son, I don’t know how else to ask, so I’ll just ask… Are you having sex?” I come from a very religious background, but my mother is and always will be understanding. I had no issue saying yes, but what I had completely forgotten about was the McDonalds bag. I didn’t take it to school that day to dispose of it.
Before I could even answer my mother, my phone started to ring and my mom started to place the order. Lo and behold its my girlfriends mother calling me yelling into the phone that I had her daughter take plan B. Now, when it comes to sex stuff, I’m as safe as can be. Always using protection. The gf and I decided that she should take it after one hot session where my refractory period was so small that I was able to keep going, after ‘going’ once already, without removing the condom. I had read you should never use a condom more than once and though I was confident we’d be okay, I wanted insurance.
Oddly enough, the mom was a nurse, but was angry because “plan b could cause an abortion” and “what if she was allergic.” So I politely tell the mother that her daughter and I had done our research and made a very informed decision. I actually spent about 5 minutes explaining my vast knowledge of the pill, because I honestly did care, she had no words to say and respected me from that day forward. Since my mother was sitting in the car next to me, she heard the whole thing. After the call, my answer to her question was obvious.
Her reaction was one I will never forget. She did not shame me. She praised me for being so knowledgeable and using protection. I love you, mom. So anyway, she started to bring up why she asked if I was having sex. She said something along the lines of , “now son, you know I’ll always love you. This morning, after I got home from taking your sister to school, there were used condoms scattered around the driveway.” The divorce had been pretty messy and she went on to say, “so I called your father and asked him if he had done it. He said he didn’t and came over to see it for himself. Then he picked them up and threw them away.” I had never been so wide-eyed in my life. My mouth opened and nothing came out.
I didn’t want her to know I had someone over, so I told the truth with some important details left out, with the story essentially being, “I had no way to get rid of them where we had done it so I took them to dispose of later.” She had no reason to not believe me. We both laughed really hard. Then I ate my McDonalds. To this day, we don’t know how it happened. My guess is that raccoons in the area smelled the lingering odor from the bag, and upon finding no food just got really angry and tossed them everywhere.
Bonus: I’m 21 now and have since moved out. My mother called last week to inform me she had to have AC repairs done. When they took the case off, there were two more condoms on the bottom of the AC platform. She thanked me for embarrassing the crap out of her yet again. She said the two repairmen tried to act like it wasn’t there, but you couldn’t not see them. Only then did it strike me that she never mentioned how many had been picked up the first time. So yea. That was a fun time for me.


As always, I know there are some freaks among the readers and f you think you’ve got a story that can top any of these above I invite you to check out our 100% anonymous ‘TIP OFF‘ line, where you can send us your story (again, 100% anonymous if you want it to be), and we can share that story here on Brobible. And for the rest of the stories from the AskReddit thread you can follow any of those links above and click on over!

SOURCE

JUMP TO COMMENTS
Previous
Next
Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors