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Rejected jurors hated Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli as much as you do

In case you somehow missed it, Pharma bro and human rat Martin Shkreli was found guilty of securities fraud and conspiracy on August 4. On August 17, Harper’s published a transcript of the three-day jury selection process from June, and it is wonderful. It was, as you might imagine, very difficult for Shkreli’s lawyer, Benjamin Brafman, to find impartial jurors for the case, since Shkreli is fairly famous for being a total jerk.

Here are a few of the funniest answers that potential-but-then-rejected jurors gave during jury selection.

Juror No. 1 did not mince words.

Juror No. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.

Benjamin Brafman: I’m sorry.

Juror No. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.

The Court: Jurors are obligated to decide the case based only on the evidence. Do you agree?

Juror No. 1: I don’t know if I could. I wouldn’t want me on this jury.

The Court: Juror Number 1 is excused. Juror Number 18.

Juror No. 18’s parents and Juror No. 40 are on medication, and therefore have issues with RatPharma Bro.

(Remember when Shkreli jacked up the price of an AIDS drug by 5,000 percent? Yeah, turns out people were not cool with that.)

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Juror No. 18: Both of my parents are on prescriptions that have gone up over the past few months, so much that they can’t afford their drugs. I have several friends who have H.I.V. or AIDS who, again, can’t afford the prescription drugs that they were able to afford.

Juror No. 40: I’m taking prescription medication. I would be upset if it went up by a thousand percent. I saw the testimony on TV to Congress and I saw his face on the news last night. By the time I came in and sat down and he turned around, I felt immediately I was biased.

Juror No. 52 knows in his/her heart that Shkreli is a snake. Not incorrect.

Juror No. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

Juror No. 77 called Shkreli “the face of corporate greed in America.”

Juror No. 77: From everything I’ve seen on the news, everything I’ve read, I believe the defendant is the face of corporate greed in America.

Juror No. 59 was the opposite of impartial.

Juror No. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

Juror No. 125 didn’t even care what Shkreli was being charged with—”guilty.”

Juror No. 125: I’ve read extensively about Martin’s shameful past and his ripping off sick people and it hits close to me. I have a mother with epilepsy, a grandmother with Alzheimer’s, and a brother with multiple sclerosis. I think somebody that’s dealt in those things deserves to go to jail.

The Court: Just to be clear, he’s not being charged with anything relating to the pricing of pharmaceuticals.

Juror No. 125: I understand that, but I already sense the man is guilty.

Juror No. 144 nailed it so hard that even the judge had to give him/her a high five (that’s a lie but how great would it have been if it had happened?).

Juror No. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

Juror No. 28 can’t figure out Shkreli’s motivation, but either way, s/he’s not a fan.

Juror No. 28: I don’t like this person at all. I just can’t understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —

The Court: Sir, thank you.

Juror No. 28: Is he stupid or greedy? I can’t understand.

And Juror No. 59 had the best reason of all.

Juror No. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

The Court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?

Juror No. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

The Court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

Juror No. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

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