Bored COOL Food Money




Fast food isn’t expensive, but when you eat as much as I do, that sh*t adds up. And since I don’t wish to forgo my greasy, convenient indulgences, I’ve had to get crafty with the limited funds in my wallet. As such, I researched the crap out of how I can save money at some of my favorite spots and I wish to impart this penny-pincher’s guide to fast food on to you. So here you go.

1. Instead of paying for a Big Mac, order a McDouble “dressed as a Mac.” If they don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about, just ask for a McDouble without ketchup and mustard with Mac sauce and lettuce.

2. Is there anything worse than a warm/bordering-on-cold Filet-O-Fish? Probably, but a cold sandwich you paid good money for is some bull. To ensure you don’t get a sandwich that’s been resting under the heat lamp for an undetermined amount of time, order the sandwich without cheese, this way they HAVE to make a new sandwich.

3. Instead of ordering a six, 10, 20 or 40 pack of McNuggets, it’s actually better value to order multiple four-piece nuggets. Plus, you’ll get more sauce without having to request extra.

4. Ask for no onions to ensure you have a made-to-order burgers. Employees won’t (and can’t) scrape the chopped onions off the burger, meaning they must make another. If you like the onions, ask for something else off the burger, like pickles.

5. Order a Happy Meal. I mean, they’re intended for kids, but they’re cheaper than most other menu items. Forgoing a toy will make your meal even cheaper. Apparently those cost a pretty penny.

6. If you want REAL eggs on your breakfast sandwiches instead of the mystery liquid you find on some of their menu items, ask for a “round egg” on the sandwich. This is the same egg they use on Egg McMuffins.

1. Make yourself a cheap iced latte by ordering a triple espresso over ice in a Venti cup. Then, head on over to the condiment area and fill the remainder of your cup up with milk. By pouring your own milk, you save yourself some coin.

2. If you get your morning cup of joe at Starbucks, revisit your location and they will refill your cup with brewed coffee for only 50 cents. Any size. And, you can get a refill even if your drink wasn’t a coffee in the first place.

3. By bringing your own reusable cup or mug, you’ll save 10 cents on the price of your drink. It isn’t much, but if you do this daily, it’ll add up.

4. Instead of ordering their ridiculously expensive bottled water, ask your barista for a Venti cup of water with ice. Water and ice at all Starbucks locations are triple-filtered, which means it’s probably better than whatever the hell’s in that luxury bottled water to justify its price.

5. Did you know that Starbucks offers a size smaller than “Tall”? Indeed, and it’s aptly called “Short.” It’s not even that small, especially when you consider the strength of Starbucks coffee. When you order a Short cappuccino, ex-employees have said it will have the same amount of caffeine as the tall version. So by ordering a tall, you essentially get more filler — you know, milk, water, etc.

6. If there’s two of you and you both want a Frappuccino, you’re better off ordering a Venti (24 ounces) than ordering two Talls (each of which have 12 ounces). Ask for an extra cup and you’ll save yourselves a dollar each.

1. Instead of choosing between black or pinto beans, get both with no additional cost by executing the following hack: When the disgruntled Chipotle employee asks which kind of beans you want, tell them one type of bean. Say, black beans. Then, once the beans have been added, say, “Actually, can I have the pinto beans as well?” By applying this method, you assure two FULL scoops of both beans opposed to half scoops of each.

2. For a weightier, carb-dense burrito, do the same with white and brown rice.

3. To ensure more meat lies pretty on your burrito, ask for ½ chicken and ½ steak. Since Chipotle doesn’t measure their meat and uses a scoop, you usually get way more meat than if you settle for a single meat.

4. You know the basket of grilled green peppers and onions right beside the beans in the Chipotle lineup? Ask for those, they’re called “Fajita mix.” For some reason, they don’t ask if you want these included on your burrito, but you definitely do, they’re delicious and make for a hearty burrito.

5. If you want a girthier burrito, order a Burrito Bowl (which is known to encompass MUCH more ingredients than an actual burrito), and get a tortilla on the side. Make your own!

Burger King
There aren’t many value hacks here, but there is one that will make sure your food hasn’t been sitting under a heat lamp for hours (which does/has happened at Burger King quite a bit). The hack is easy, just customize your burger. By customizing your sandwich, the cooks have to recreate your burger as the Whoppers sitting under the heat lamps are standard.

1. Instead of ordering two six-inch subs, get a footlong and split it. Easy as that. And you totally can get different toppings on each half; you might get some attitude from your “sandwich artist,” but whatever.

2. This one won’t impress your sandwich artist either, but whenever they add a ridiculously minuscule amount of toppings on your sandwich, keep asking for more until you’re satisfied. You want your sub to look the way they do in those ads, don’t you?


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