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Vice News and MedPage Today dug into all the horrific ways that lovemaking can potentially go wrong. Their cautionary tale stems from a review of about 450 sex injuries logged from 2009 to 2014 in the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System, which is run by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission—meaning a consumer product was somehow involved in each of these injuries. (Injuries related to drugs like Viagra live in a separate FDA database.) Six takeaways:

  1. Beware the dead of summer: February may be the month of love, but it ranks third in terms of reported sex injuries. The most dangerous month: July, followed by April. March is the tamest, relatively speaking.
  2. You’re far more likely to get injured another way: Sex injuries made up less than .02% of the 2.3 million injuries filed during the six-year span, though it’s believed that “most” sex injuries go unreported.
  1. Keep the pencil out of your you-know-what: Among the less expected objects that became lodged in an orifice: pencil, pool ball, toilet plunger handle. Other product categories that made a showing as causing the injury: “lawn mower, not specified,” go-carts, and coins.
  2. No part of the body is safe from harm: The most commonly injured areas are the pubic area and lower trunk, but there are certainly exceptions; one dental injury occurred when a 19-year-old’s sex swing broke loose from the ceiling. The database includes entries for parts like “arm, lower (not including elbow or wrist).”
  3. There are a heck of a lot of potential injury diagnoses: “Foreign body,” was the most common diagnosis, but burns, conjunctivitis, nerve damage, and poisoning also made the list.
  4. There is a silver lining: “None of the injuries were fatal.”

Meanwhile, a new analysis by Flowing Data uses NEISS data to review the 17,968 ER visits for foreign bodies stuck in a rectum over the same six-year period. About three-quarters of patients were men, with 41% of the visits involving sex toys…

We know now what sends people to the hospital’s emergency department over the course of a year. There are common events like falling down stairs and tripping on a floor board, and there are seasonal things with sports and what not.

Is that really what we care about though?

The reason the ER seems so intriguing is because of the rare events. On one side of the spectrum, there are the people with real emergencies who need immediate medical attention. This is scary stuff for most people.

But then, on the other side of the spectrum there are the odd stories that make you go, “whaa?” Let’s focus on that. On one thing in particular. On, well, maybe this Seinfeld clip says it best:

Frank Costanza is furious with Kramer for making a supposed pass at his wife. In his rage, Frank slips and falls on a statuette of Jerry made of fusilli pasta. The episode ends at the proctologist and Frank exclaims, “Million to one shot, doc! Million to one.”

Million to one shot indeed.

As it turns out, people get a lot of things stuck in their rectum, but it’s typically the result of pushing something in rather than falling on something on the ground. We can find out what these things are through the same data — from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System — that we used to see general monthly patterns.

I downloaded data from 2009 through 2014, which like before, is a national sample from emergency departments in the United States. The data is focused on consumer products, and each record represents an ER visit and the main product that led to an injury. I then filtered down to injuries due to foreign bodies in the rectum.

So that’s where we’re at.

Between 2009 and 2014, there were an estimated 17,968 emergency room visits for foreign bodies stuck in a rectum. About three-quarters of patients were male, and as you might expect, many of the foreign bodies were sex toys. But, perhaps unexpectedly, about 60 percent of those foreign bodies were not sex toys.

Primary object

The question is this: What are these other products? Well, it’s a wide range of 90 things, from glass bottles, to tableware, to hand tools.

I could graph the counts, but there’s not much point. The sex toys category (officiallymassage devices and vibrators), is around 40 percent and everything else on its own is around one percent or less.

Besides, the numbers aren’t nearly as interesting as the doctor notes that provide a short description of each case. So here are a few from 2009 to 2014:

KITCHEN GADGETS, NOT ELSEWHERE CLASSIFIED
70-year-old male
70 YO MALE HAS METAL RING STUCK IN RECTAL AREA, HAS BEEN USING A TURKEY BASTER TO “FLUSH IT OUT”. DX FOREIGN BODY REMOVAL FROM RECTUM.
BATHTUBS OR SHOWERS
35-year-old male
35 YO M INVOLED IN A SEXUAL PLAY IN A SHOWER,WHEN HE PLACED A SHOWER HEAD IN HIS RECTUM. UNBALE TO GET IT OUT.DX FOREIGN BODY RECTUM ADMIT
BOTTLES OR JARS, NOT SPECIFIED
15-year-old male
15YOM FB RECTUM, STATES HE SAT ON A COLONGE BOTTLE & THE CAP WENT INTO HIS RECTUM
MASSAGE DEVICES OR VIBRATORS
67-year-old female
67YOF-STATES INSERTED A VIBRATOR IN RECTUM X 2 DAYS AGO-LG PORTION WAS PASSED,THINKS SM PORTION REMAINS IN RECTUM DX POSS RECTAL FB NON SEEN
PLASTIC BAGS
60-year-old male
60YOM HAD HIS LOVER PUT A ROLLEDUP STACK OF PLASTIC TRASH BAGS UP RECTU M AND NOW UNABLE TO GET THEM OUT FB RECTUM
OTHER CONTAINERS
46-year-old male
46 YO M,C/O RECTAL PAIN,BLEEDING THIS AFTERNOON,THINKS HE HAS TOOTHBRUS H CASE IN RECTUM,DOESN’T KNOW HOW B/C HE WAS DRUNK, DX
FB RECTUM
BABY BOTTLES OR NIPPLES
47-year-old male
47 YOM PT C/O RECTAL FB. PT PUT BABY BOTTLE UP RECTUM ON A DRUNK BET. FOREIGN BODY RECTUM.

 

A 17-year-old man presented to the emergency room with abdominal pain and a foreign body in his anus. He told doctors he had inserted a pencil into his rectum and then had anal sex with the pencil still in there. He was treated and released.

The man’s case is one of nearly 450 sex injuries found over six years in the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS), which is compiled by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission.

“It’s not uncommon that we see this, but it’s not a daily occurrence,” emergency physician Robert Glatter, MD, of Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, said of sex-related injuries. “We’ve had a woman with a head injury and fractured cervical spine, who basically ended up going forward into a headboard. She was very dizzy at the time and was on top of this gentleman lurching forward into a headboard.”

In another sex injury in the database, a 62-year-old man sustained a penile crushing injury after putting homemade PCVP pipe rings and the ring off a horse halter around his penis. He, too, was treated and released.

Most of the sex injuries involved foreign objects used for pleasure that disappeared and got stuck in certain orifices, according to the data. Objects included vibrators and other sex toys as well as some other objects, including a “spikey (sic) rubber ball that lights up,” a screwdriver, the handle of a toilet plunger, and a pool ball.

Sometimes, patients waited several days before going to the emergency room to have these objects removed.

“We see a ton of these. Patients delay and sometimes don’t come in for a few days,” Glatter said, explaining that perforation can occur with catastrophic results. “The longer you wait, sometimes you can even get septic.”

Other sex injuries in the federal database included sprains and fractures, concussions, lacerations, and conditions like syncope. None of the injuries were fatal, and most patients were treated and released.

Glatter said patients shouldn’t wait to go to the emergency room, even if they’re embarrassed.

“We always have respect and privacy and never pass any judgment,” Glatter said. “We want to make sure they’re OK. I think that’s what contributes to delays — fear staff will react in a negative way.”

Most sex-related injuries affected the lower trunk and pubic region, but others included the head, neck, and even mouth.

A 19-year-old woman sustained a sex-related dental injury after her “sex swing” fell out of the ceiling and her mouth was hit.

Although these injuries account for less than 0.02% of the 2.3 million reported injuries from 2009 through 2014, most sex-related injuries never get reported, experts say.

Sociologist Pepper Schwartz, PhD, of the University of Washington, said most of these injuries don’t get reported because patients try to avoid the emergency room. Schwartz, a sociologist who specializes in sex, said the stress of an intercourse injury can bring couples together or tear them apart.

“The important thing is not to let yourself panic,” she said, stressing that the vagina and the anus are not cut off from the rest of the body and can have serious consequences. “Get it fixed.”

The database does not include penile injuries related to drugs like Viagra and Cialis, which Glatter said are also common. Adverse events from using medications would not be expected to appear in this data, and would instead appear in a Food and Drug Administration database.

Glatter added that alcohol and mood-altering drugs often also play a role in sex-related emergency room visits.

Valentine’s Day is this month, but February is actually not the top month for sex injuries, according to the data. That month is July.

 

 

AND you could read about the “most dangerous” sex positions…..

 

Sex-Injury Data Illustrates The Dangers Of Love: Hey! You Can’t Put That In There!!!

 

SOURCE/SOURCE/SOURCE

 

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