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Sickeningly Weird Sexual Habits And Stories Of Royals Throughout History

Have you ever wondered what kings and queens got up to in their spare, sexy time in the bedroom? You know, when they weren’t too busy with any of their other weird royal obsessions? Well, wonder no further – some of these monarchs had quite creepy fetishes or other weird sexual habits in the privacy of their own homes.

While there are several reasons people develop a fetish, one has to assume that some of these kings and queens were just straight-up bored. After all, if you have all the money and power in the world, what else is there to do for fun? Some of them, of course, probably just had stories made up about them. Still, from the pedophile emperors of ancient Rome to the necrophilacs of France, here are some of the strangest royal sex fetishes in all of recorded history.

Perhaps the most infamous “fetish” is that of Catherine the Great. This early modern Russian empress supposedly had such a sexual appetite that she couldn’t be satisfied by a man; instead, she had to resort to bestiality, having sex with her favorite well-hung horse. In reality, this was just a rumor used to slander a woman who took lovers throughout her life, but were any of these dirty rumors about monarchs and their sexual habits true? Well, there’s always creepy Caligula, the incestuous emperor of the first century C.E. The most bizarre of the weird fetishes of royals from history were even stranger than you think.

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1

Tiberius Got His Penis Nibbled By Little Boys

The second Roman emperor, Tiberius, was into some pretty awful stuff, sexually speaking. He trained a bunch of little boys, his “fries,” to “to swim between his thighs to nibble and lick him.” He even snatched up “weaned healthy babies” and let them “suck his penis instead of their mother’s nipple, he being, by age and nature, fond of such perversions.”

At his seaside villa in Capri, he hosted orgies to help keep his own libido up, according to Suetonius. Tiberius also collected erotic writings and had sexy frescoes painted on his walls. Also, in the gardens, he made boys and girls dress up as Pan and wild nymphs and have sex. And that’s not even counting all his depravities with adults…

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2

Herod The Great Had Sex With His Dead Wife In Honey

Herod was a notorious figure in the ancient world, but his problems might have run even deeper than we realize. He wasn’t actually born a Judean or a royal, but married into the Hasmonean/Maccabee dynasty that ruled the area; his wife was called Mariamne. A beautiful lady, Mariamne made Herod super-jealous of any guy she smiled at. So, thanks to some conspiring from his own family, Herod had her killed.

Horrifyingly, he couldn’t let her go after her death. The Talmud claims that Herod kept her dead body and still made love to it for seven whole years. And that must have been a sticky situation, considering Mariamne’s body was supposedly preserved in honey!

Photo: Jacob Reyes/flickr/CC-BY 2.0
3

Prince Chien Of Han China Liked Drowning Little Kids

Like the infamous Caligula, the ancient Chinese prince Chien loved keeping it in the family: he slept with several of sisters. Allegedly, he also punished the women of his court he didn’t like by making them stand outside naked, keeping time on a drum, all day long. Also, Chien drowned boys and girls in his palace lake, put ladies he didn’t like naked in trees, or refused to allow them to eat. So, yeah, maybe your last Tinder date wasn’t so bad after all.

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4

Caligula Committed A Ton Of Incest

The Roman emperor Caligula (his real name was Gaius; “Caligula” was a nickname, which meant “little boots”) liked to get down and dirty with his family members. Ancient Roman rumor had it that this insane autocrat slept with each of his three sisters. However, contrary to popular opinion, he didn’t rip his sibling’s baby from her womb and eat it.

Caligula’s favorite sister was Drusilla; their grandma caught them sleeping together (allegedly) as kids, and Caligula took Drusilla from her husband to live with him when they were adults. Grieving intensely after Drusilla’s death, Caligula also pimped out his other sisters to his favorite subjects.

Photo:  Georg Christoph Grooth/Wikimedia Commons/State Russian Museum/Public Domain Mark 1.0
5

Catherine The Great Was (Maybe) Mounted By Her Favorite Horse, Definitely Got Around

Rumor has it that Catherine II of Russia was so lascivious that she died by having sex with her horse. In reality, Catherine was just a woman with a healthy sexual appetite; she didn’t schtup her pony. Throughout her adult life, she took many lovers, which contemporaries and historians used to depict her as an insatiable harpy. Such mockery was often part and parcel, unfortunately, of being a powerful woman in that day and age. Catherine actually kicked the bucket after having a stroke on the toilet.

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6

Elagabalus Raped Vestal Virgins And Stripped In Public

The uber-creepy Emperor Elagabalus was debauched in both his personal and official life. In a case of the ultimate religious sacrilege, he raped a Vestal Virgin – the chaste priestesses who were the heart of Rome – and wanted to destroy the eternal flames at the goddess Vesta’s shrine. During his reign, he “profaned the sacred rites of the Roman nation,” according to the Historia Augusta, supposedly in an attempt to put his own patron god at the center of the pantheon.

Elagabalus also sent his agents out to get the men with the biggest, um, “organs” to come pleasure him. He also hosted performances of Helen and Paris’s love story at his home; he himself played a role in the drama, assuming the part of love goddess Venus and stripping naked in front of his guests.

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7

Ottoman Emperor Ibrahim I Held Palace-Wide Orgies

The seventeenth-century Ottoman Emperor Ibrahim “the Mad” lived up to his nutty moniker. Rumor had it that he ordered his gardeners to execute all 280 ladies in his harem by sewing them into sacks and dropping them into the ocean, just so he could choose some new hotties for his own pleasure.

He was the last heir of his house at the time he came to the throne, so everyone tried to interest him in having sex. Unfortunately for them, lust became an obsession, so much so that Ibrahim refused to stop having kids and lovers. He might have even hosted massive orgies at the palace!

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8

Charlemagne May Have Humped His Living Sister And His Dead Wife

He might be best known as the first Holy Roman Emperor, but Charlemagne (derived from “Carolus Magnus,” or “Charles the Great”) was actually a total weirdo. Medieval rumor had it that he actually liked sleeping with dead people. At one point, it was just said that he’d committed some “unspeakable sin” that the Church eventually pardoned him for, but was it necrophilia?

Legend said that one of his wives had a magic ring that made him love her; when she died, she had it in her mouth, so Charlemagne stayed in love with his deceased spouse and wouldn’t let her go. Some have suggested he committed incest with his sister and had a kid by her instead. Either way, he clearly had some issues.

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9

Emperor Nero Loved To Screw Wearing Animal Skins

Besides loving his mom, Agrippina, way too much, the Roman Emperor Nero had another, somehow weirder sexual habit. Apparently, he went after men and women’s private parts while dressed in the skins of slain animals, according to Suetonius.

Like a wild creature himself, Nero “was released from a cage dressed in the skins of wild animals, and attacked the private parts of men and women who stood bound to stakes.” After he got super-aroused, his ex-slave/freedman, Doryphus, got him off.

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10

The Zhengde Emperor Reportedly Keep Women In His Menagerie

This Ming Dynasty ruler loved three things: animals, drinking, and women. He collected exotic beasts from all over the world in his royal menagerie, downed tons of alcohol in his spare time, and added lots of women to his harem. He even merged these interests, allegedly keeping some of his ladies in the grounds near his menagerie at one point. It was all just flesh to the Zhengde Emporer.

Photo: Juan de Flandes/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain Mark 1.0
11

Juana “The Mad” Of Castile Lugged Her Hubby’s Body Around

The daughter of the famed “Catholic Monarchs” – Isabella and Ferdinand – of Spain, Juana “la Loca” (or Joan the Mad) inherited their thrones, but also her family’s mental health issues. Juana’s maternal grandmother, also named Isabella, suffered from severe depression after she was widowed, and her granddaughter appeared to have inherited this condition.

Juana married a notorious lecher named Philip the Handsome, and he drove her crazy (or more crazy, anyway) with his infidelities. But she still was madly in love with him, so much so that, after he died young, Juana dug up his body and carried his casket everywhere with her. She went around Spain in a giant funeral procession, showing off his deceased body from 1506 to 1509. Juana refused to bathe or sleep in a bed until her father, Ferdinand, put her in a religious house.

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12

Domitian Left His Wife For His Niece

Domitian was a super-disturbed Roman emperor (it was kind of a thing with them). One of his many misdeeds involved him getting it on with his young niece Julia Flavia, daughter of his late big bro Titus. After killing his own wife’s alleged lover, Domitian chose to live “with his own niece (Julia, that is to say) as husband with wife, making little effort at concealment,” according to Cassius Dio.

Eventually, Domitian and his real wife got back together, but he kept up having sex with Julia anyway. He also arbitrarily claimed that lots of Vestal Virgins had broken their vows of celibacy and ordered them to be killed.

 

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