lonely dude

Wait. Hold on. So you mean to tell me that mindlessly swiping right on my couch with a 40 oz. of Old English and my hand down my pants isn’t going to find me love? FUCK YOU, 2015–YOU PROMISED!!!

But the sad reality of the situation is that I’ve had little success with all of those robots and accidental right swipes I’ve matched with because they’ve most likely already found love. Even the robots. Even the fucking robots have Valentine’s Day plans. That is certainly what a study from the Global Web Index indicates.

The survey polled 47,622 Internet users ages 16-64 and concluded that, of the 621 who had been on Tinder in the last month, 30% are married and another 12% are in a relationship.




As Marie Claire points out, Tinder offered an explanation to the Guardian as to why a significant amount of users are off the market.

“Tinder is a social network and these are many use cases for it — not just dating. People are using it to make new friends, to network, and they use it when they travel to meet new people in the area.”

Ya ok, Tinder. And I go to McDonald’s looking for a salad. Fuck outta here.

Hey Tinder, if I wanted to stare at hot chicks with boyfriends, I’d climb a fucking apple tree in an orchard during peak foliage.

What am I going to do now? Meet someone organically in person like every single generation before me? LOL NAH. Bumble, Hinge, MySpace–welcome your newest member.

matt keohan


Study Finds That You’re Going To Be Lonely Forever Because Half Of Current Tinder Users Are Already In Relationships

Please wait...

And Now... A Few Links From Our Sponsors

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!