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After holding a contest and receiving some 1,200 entries Sweden has come up with a new word for female masturbation: Klittra.

So why is this necessary? There are more expressions for masturbation than you can shake a stick at. In fact I may have just coined a new one right there. But if you think about it most of our onanistic vocabulary is oddly male-centric, which is to say phallocentric.

Jerking off, whacking off, jacking off, spanking it — they all involve a certain pronounced wrist motion. A disturbing number also involve animal abuse, from spanking the monkey or choking the chicken, to flogging the dolphin or, forgive me, “burping the worm.” Thankfully, most of the latter are rarely used outside of Vince Vaughn movies.

But what expressions do women have?

“Buffin’ the muffin?”

Women have a few suggestions, including “jilling off,” “polishing the pearl,” “flicking the bean,” and “playing the skin marimba.”

But hardly any of these expressions are well known, and some of them I suspect were invented just to mess with me.

The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education (RFSU) held the wank-branding contest in order to confront the taboo around female masturbation and, according to a spokesperson, settled on ‘klittra’, which is a combination of the words “clitoris” and “glitter,” because it “highlights the importance of the clitoris for pleasure.”

I suppose the more wankonyms the merrier, but do we really need ‘klittra’ and will it catch on? After all, some gender-neutral terms do exist.

As Lucy Mangan, writing in the venerable Guardian, astutely pointed out:

“…[D]id “fap” not make it over to Sweden? Is “wank” or “rub one out” not clear and gender-neutral? Are there no Scandinavian equivalents of the array of English phrases, joyful in their inventiveness, that we have at our disposal? Can Swedes not dial “O” on the pink telephone? Take a constitutional in their lady gardens? Double-click the mouse?”

Indeed. There’s also the glaring question of how to use ‘klittra’ as a verb.

Will we soon see “No Klittering” signs in public parks?

It’s a brave new world.

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[h/t Guardian  |Photo: AboveTheLaw]
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