TUESDAY ROAST POST: NOTHING BURNS QUITE LIKE A GOOD ROAST

TUESDAY ROAST POST: NOTHING BURNS QUITE LIKE A GOOD ROAST


Man Asks The Internet If He Can Kick His Pregnant Wife Out

Man Asks The Internet If He Can Kick His Pregnant Wife Out -

 

 

 


A Satisfying Revenge Story Of An Employee Ending His Despicably Cheap Boss

A Satisfying Revenge Story Of An Employee Ending His Despicably Cheap Boss -

 


15 Times Innocent People Looked Guilty From Being Victims Of Terrible Timing

15 Times Innocent People Looked Guilty From Being Victims Of Terrible Timing -


A Tale of Epic Revenge On The Terriblest Of Roommates

A Tale of Epic Revenge On The Terriblest Of Roommates -

 


14 Surprised Window Cleaners Share The Most Bizarre Things They've Seen On The Job

14 Surprised Window Cleaners Share The Most Bizarre Things They've Seen On The Job -

 

 


20 Fans Try To Predict Some Of The 14,000,604 Futures That Dr. Strange Saw

20 Fans Try To Predict Some Of The 14,000,604 Futures That Dr. Strange Saw

 

 

Out of all the possible futures that could be, what has doctor strange seen?

They go with Star Lord’s plan, which ends up just being a dance off.

Turns out Thanos is an amazing dancer and wins.
– u/Theproton

Another one where it’s going really well, Thanos is getting served… and then Star Lord mistakenly transitions into a West Side Story dance-off.

*snaps fingers
– u/Verklemtomaniac
____________________
The one future where they win is when Dr. Strange sends Starlord back in time to dance better, because he knows all of Thanos’ moves
– u/AdouMusou

The avengers decided that the only way that Thanos won’t kill half of the universe is if he knew how it felt to experience true love. Then he would know how hard it would be to lose the one you love. So in order to make Thanos find true love, each of the avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy attempt to seduce Thanos. Unfortunately when Thanos realized that Hulk didn’t actually love him he took revenge and killed half the universe.
– u/General_Judgement

Thanos accidentally snaps Death and now everyone is basically immortal. Nobody wins
– u/hulking_ninja

Basically everyone rolled a 1 on their attack throws. Drax trips and impales himself. Doctor Strange accidentally drops Mantis on some rebar. Quill sticks his grenade to Iron Man’s head instead of the gauntlet. Spiderman just ends up swinging into Thanos’ upstretched arm and hits his throat, choking to death. Critical fails left and right!
– u/Sonotmethen

Thanos himself gets purged in the snap and the avengers do a second civil war to see who gets to keep the gauntlet.

This boils down to the extinction of the other half of the universe.

Then Deadpool shows up at the end credits and rambles about how all of this made Disney a ton of money.
– u/aruametello

Vision uses the power of the mind stone to actually be useful.
– u/lokigodofchaos

Instead of turning into dust, Stan Lee walks up to them with a giant pencil and erases them.
– u/Locke108
__________________
He’s really drunk while doing it so he ends up just dismembering them.
– u/ExoHead

The one were all the same thing’s happened and the avengers end up winning but Dr. Strange stubs his toe on the corner of the coffee table. Obviously he decides that that is an unacceptable future.
– u/anonomous_toaster

Or the one where they beat Thanos and every gets to go to the Avengers Award Ceremony in recognition for their heroic effort and Dr. Strange discovers his fly was down the entire time.
– u/[deleted]
____________________
You’re forgetting the one where he’s at the award ceremony and it seems like the exact same thing but then Strange goes to the bathroom and gets the forked stream and pisses on his shoe.
– u/TheCrystalGem

Dr Strange brings Bruce Banner onto Titan to confront Thanos. They need the hulk, so Starlord kicks Bruce in the balls. He doesn’t turn into the hulk, and Thanos kills everyone.
– u/fdsdfg

The one where doctor strange could have portal cut Thanos arm off.
– u/JAM224365

Maybe the one where Thanos realised Starks mom is also named Martha. Then Tony joined his side.
– u/orangeinsight

The plot of Tucker and Dale VS. Evil. Instead it’s just Thanos trying to enjoy a vacation and all of the Avengers killing themselves around them.
– u/TidalFight65

So all the heroes attack as one hitting Thanos with everything they’ve got and more. Spider-man jumps on Thanos’s head, reaches down and starts yanking away on Thanos’s chin. With a violent rip, Thanos’s mask comes off! Our heroes all gasp “Dan Didio, Publisher of DC Comics?!?” “Yeah! And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!… Oh, wait!

SNAP!
– u/Lilfrostgiant

Instead of snapping he dabbed.
– u/SexyCrimes
____________________
The Avengers actually won in this one too. But Strange felt it was morally wrong to let that happen.
– u/OptimusTardis
____________________
And in this one no one even died. But Strange still was like, “Nah, not worth it.”
– u/my_useless_Opinion

Thanos snaps. It fails. Thanos snaps again. It fails. Frustrated, Thanos runs his hand over his face and let’s out a high pitched moan. He tries one more time. Nothing. He looks around, growing embarrassed. He gives a little shrug and a half smile. The Vision has no emotion, because he’s dead. Thanos puts his fingers together for one more try then…wait! He slaps his head with his hand, and cries, “That’s right! I almost forgot! I’m left handed!” He snaps again and half the universe dies.
– u/Zombierabbitz

Thanos ends up jerking off with the gauntlet still on his hand and inadvertently makes the entire universe go blind
– u/sobstoryEZKarma


13 INTRIGUING 'TIL' DISCOVERIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY USEFUL

13 INTRIGUING 'TIL' DISCOVERIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY USEFUL

1. “I found out you’re supposed to store staples underneath the stapler. Life is crazy.”

2. “How old were you when you realized Sebastian from The Little Mermaid appears in Aladdin?”

3. “I realized the lower the number on the McDonald’s ketchup packets, the sweeter it is; the higher, the more sour.”

4. “Now I know what this thing does.”

5. “I found out that you can lock notes on your iPhone or iPad.”

6. “I found out that the C1 (first cervical) vertebra is called the atlas because it supports the globe of the head, just like Atlas who was a Titan condemned to hold the earth up after the Titan War.”

7. “I need time to accept the fact that Ariana Grande and Cardi B are the same age.”

8. “I found out THIS is how a cheese grater is used!”

9. “I found out this clip is for bread and chips after bagging!”

10. “I learned that the clock app icon on my iPhone is a working clock.”

11. “The dentist in Finding Nemo (2003) emerges from the bathroom immediately after flushing and goes to work in his patient’s mouth without washing his hands.”

12. “It took me years to realize that The Incredibles’ family suits are a combination of Mr. Incredible’s and Elastigirl’s suits. Mr. Incredible’s suit has a big ’I’ and Elastigirl has her logo in a small circle; while The Incredibles’ suits have an ’I’ in a small circle.”

 

 

 

 

 

13. “I accidentally found out that the headrest can be comfortably used as a pillow during a ’rest break’ in a car.”


29 People Who Got Owned Online

29 People Who Got Owned Online

 

 

 

 


37 MILDLY AMUSING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY AMUSE YOU

37 MILDLY AMUSING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY AMUSE YOU -

 

 

 

 


18 Hilariously Cringey Texts That Are Dripping With Regret

18 Hilariously Cringey Texts That Are Dripping With Regret

 

 


 


15 Brain Champions Whose Enormous IQs Dwarf Your Puny Intellect

15 Brain Champions Whose Enormous IQs Dwarf Your Puny Intellect

 

 

 


25 TIMES ADVERTISERS STRAIGHT UP LIED TO US

25 TIMES ADVERTISERS STRAIGHT UP LIED TO US -

 

 

Dump of all things designed by assholes with the intention to Mislead/Trick the consumer.

 

FAKING THE NUMBER OF COOKIES

BOTTOM THIRD OF THE BOTTLE IS SOLID GLASS

PUTTING FAKE HAIR ON THE AD TO MAKE YOU SWIPE/TAP

PRINTING FAKE HANDWRITING ON THE AD TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE YOU KNOW "LOVE'S IT"

Sign made to trick tourists into getting out 97.9 miles before the Niagara Falls

"ROLL" OF STICKERS IS JUST A SINGLE STRIP OF TWENTY.

-17% MORE IN EVERY BOTTLE. FUCKING 1984 CHOCOLATE RATION HAS BEEN INCREASED TO 25 GRAMS SHIT.

THAT IS FUCKING DELIBERATE.  THAT'S NOT EVEN A FUCKUP. BEING DECEPTIVE WITH PIZZA IS FUCKING WEIRD MAN.

THE HARDEST KIND OF MATH

FAKE ERASER? WHY?!

THE PEEL ME IS JUST A STICKER

GRAPH NOT TO SCALE TO MAKE YOUR CREDIT SCORE SEEM LOWER

CHARGING EXTRA FOR LESS FOOD

SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

Worse than Lays

Ever have trouble finding the unsubscribe link?

Hiding the fact that it's free.


26 Idiots Who Do Not Understand How A Woman's Body Works

26 Idiots Who Do Not Understand How A Woman's Body Works

 

 

 

 

 

 


24 People Who Can't Stop Lying On Social Media

24 People Who Can't Stop Lying On Social Media

 

 

 


28 People You Don't Want To Mess With

28 People You Don't Want To Mess With

 

 

 


21 MILDLY INTERESTING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY INTEREST YOU

21 MILDLY INTERESTING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY INTEREST YOU -

1. A Rubik’s cube placed in a jar

2. A stingray’s skeleton

3. This is the world’s longest wind turbine blade. It’s 290 feet long.

4. The air pollution in New Delhi makes it look like you’re playing a video game on a low setting.

5. This dog jumps over this hump as if it’s sliding on it.

6. It’s not a neon sign, it’s graffiti.

7. That’s what happens to a balloon filled with water when it’s thrown into metal mesh

8. A tree that has grown through a car tire

9. A waterfall in Yosemite National Park

10. This tree grew through a stone and made it split in half.

11. Audrey Hepburn on a leaf

12. This is the world’s largest wine barrel. It was built in 1751 and it holds 58,124 gallons of wine.

13. A snail drinking water from a pipe

14. 2 photos of Pluto, 24 years apart (1994-2018)

15. This is a rally car making a turn.

16. This is a model of Quetzalcoatlus northropi, the largest known flying animal that ever existed.

17. Braking on a horse ride

18. This is ice on car tires. This shot was taken on a frosty morning in Norway.

19. Huge quartz crystals

20. A giant cow

21. Its tail rolls up like a spring.


17 Times Fragile-Hearted Idiots Didn't Get Satire

17 Times Fragile-Hearted Idiots Didn't Get Satire

 

 

 


19 MILDLY AMUSING THINGS THAT WILL MILDLY AMUSE YOU

19 MILDLY AMUSING THINGS THAT WILL MILDLY AMUSE YOU

1. The indent on top of egg cartons are for the last egg from your old cartons.

2. Oil platforms can move with massive waves.

3. So penguins have really long necks.

4. Does your car have a gas cap holder that you’ve been neglecting all these years?

5. Tobacco flowers aren’t as ugly as I figured they’d be.

6. “I’ve just learned that the hole in the Chick-fil-A box is for your straw so your cup can become a table.”

7. Yup, these exist.

8. Locust wings are beautiful on the inside.

9. A baby platypus is called a puggle.

10. Bald Eagles can swim.

11. “I never knew Brussels sprouts were so horrifying until I saw them on the stem.”

12. “I wanted to see how much 39 g of sugar actually was (the dosage in my almost-daily Red Bull). Think it’s time to give them up.”

13. “Today I learned whales can sneeze and vomit…today was a good day.”

14. “Did you know that the broccoli we eat are really flower buds? I discovered this after growing some broccoli in my garden.”

15. This is what harvesting olives looks like.

16. “Did you know that a toaster has pull-out drawers so you can empty the crumbs from toasting food. I’ve been on this planet 26 years and only just discovered this.”

17. The Smaug gigantaeus is a South American lizard that looks just like a mini dragon.

18. “The manual release on my trunk latch depicts a person presumably trapped, escaping, and sprinting away to freedom. It also glows in the dark so folks trapped in the trunk can see it.”

19. Cows are incredibly fast.


30 CHEAPSKATES WHO CRAWLED OUT IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS

30 CHEAPSKATES WHO CRAWLED OUT IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS

 

 

 


9 People Share The Eeriest Sh*t They've Seen While Flying

9 People Share The Eeriest Sh*t They've Seen While Flying

 

 

 


People (Over) Sharing Their Top Five Of Anything Devolves Into Absolute Crude Madness

People (Over) Sharing Their Top Five Of Anything Devolves Into Absolute Crude Madness

 

 

 


25 MILDLY INTERESTING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY INTEREST YOU

25 MILDLY INTERESTING THINGS THAT MIGHT MILDLY INTEREST YOU

1. “I found the lighthouse on the bag of the Cape Cod potato chips bag.”

2. There’s a gorilla in my meringue.

3. This perfect ring of icicles on my way to work.

4. There is a statue of a dog peeing in Brussels.

5. This Starbucks drive-thru in an old car wash.

6. A statue at the new Bucks Stadium, The Fiserv Forum, in Milwaukee. The hide is made from cut up basketballs and the antlers are made from basketball hoops.

7. Fake plane for filming movies.

8. “You can see where a leaf cast a shadow on this apple.”

9.

10. In Tallinn airport, one of the mens bathrooms has step by step instructions on tying a tie.

11. “Frost on my taillight this morning. Magnified.”

12. “Skin after a few month cast is taken off.”

13. “My classroom has a mirror so we can see his counter when he’s cooking.”

14. The way a leaf has fallen and left a rusty impression of itself on a roadside barrier.

15. The audio spectrum analysis of Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” looks like a brick wall.

16. This building in Tel Aviv.

17. “Found a time capsule tearing down a shed this summer. Included a note, a penny from that year, and our state stone.”

18. “What my crooked teeth do to an apple.”

19. These footprints look like they’re sticking out of the sand.

20. This tree fell over but continued to grow upwards!

21. This spork.

22. This ball made of honey which you can drop in you tea.

23. Work of art created by small overnight leak of insulating foam.

24. “Our local utility services sent us some free biscuits while causing disruption.”

25. This dining room table at The Broad Art Museum.


11 Vicious Roasts There Is No Recovering From

11 Vicious Roasts There Is No Recovering From -

 

 

 


12 Starter Pack Memes That Are Accurate As Hell

12 Starter Pack Memes That Are Accurate As Hell -

 

 

 


11 Ruthless Roasts That Brought A Painful Death

11 Ruthless Roasts That Brought A Painful Death

 

 

 


21 People Describe the Creepiest, Strangest Things They Will Never Forget

21 People Describe the Creepiest, Strangest Things They Will Never Forget

 

Life is full of creepy, unexplained experiences, but it's rare that you come across truly unforgettable stories, the kind that haunt you so thoroughly you can never escape them. However, these creepy stories shared by reddit users definitely make such an impact. These particular horror stories come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them seem like they're out of this world, while others are unnerving AF. Being buried alive, suicide, high-speed chases, and the supernatural all make the list.

You'll be glad that they didn't happen to you, but if you want to vicariously live through some real-life American Horror Stories, check out this list of the creepiest, weirdest things that the storytellers will never forget.


20 Of The Most Catastrophic Injuries People Have Sustained Doing Simple Tasks

20 Of The Most Catastrophic Injuries People Have Sustained Doing Simple Tasks -

 

 

 

 

 


18 Ex-Employees Share Their Stories Of Getting Fired When It Was Totally Worth It

18 Ex-Employees Share Their Stories Of Getting Fired When It Was Totally Worth It

 

 


14 People Share The Really Annoying Acts Of Kindness They Never Needed

14 People Share The Really Annoying Acts Of Kindness They Never Needed

 

 


20 Shower Thoughts To Make You Think

20 Shower Thoughts To Make You Think -

 

 

 


31 People Share The Best Sex Advice They've Ever Received

31 People Share The Best Sex Advice They've Ever Received

 

 

If 2018 has taught us anything, it's that sex can be pretty complicated. It's undoubtedly the most intimate experience we share as humans which means for all of the good, there can also be a lot of foggy trails to navigate.

Aside from flirting, courting, dating, and consent, there's also understanding your own preferences and how they work with your partner's, and learning what is best for you and your specific relationships.

Luckily, who we choose to have sex with and what we expect from the experience is getting talked about a lot more. Regardless of how much progress we've made, though, there will always be sex questions, fears and 3 AM breakthroughs that need analyzing. In a recent Reddit thread, users (mostly straight men for this one) shared the best sex advice they've ever received and things got pretty interesting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy sexing!


15 Things Deaf People Were Surprised To Learn Made A Sound

15 Things Deaf People Were Surprised To Learn Made A Sound -

 

 


11 Lost Souls Getting Roasted to Hell And Back

11 Lost Souls Getting Roasted to Hell And Back


24 Insufferable Things Every (And I Mean EVERY) Asshole Does

24 Insufferable Things Every (And I Mean EVERY) Asshole Does -

 

 

 



 


23 Of The Biggest Red Flags People Ignored Cause Their SO's Were So Hot

23 Of The Biggest Red Flags People Ignored Cause Their SO's Were So Hot -

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


17 Intelligence Titans Whose Colossal Brains Will Smother Your Mushy Noggin

17 Intelligence Titans Whose Colossal Brains Will Smother Your Mushy Noggin -

 

 

 

 


12 Roasts That'll Make You Say "SOMETHING'S BURNING"

12 Roasts That'll Make You Say "SOMETHING'S BURNING"

 

 

 


12 Roasts That Will Burn For Decades

12 Roasts That Will Burn For Decades -

 

 

 


19 TIMES THE INTERNET SOLVED THE 'WHAT IS THIS GIZMO' PROBLEM

19 TIMES THE INTERNET SOLVED THE 'WHAT IS THIS GIZMO' PROBLEM

 

When finding a strange thing the purpose of which is unknown, you can feel like an archeologist who just discovered an ancient artifact. After making the discovery, we usually start trying to find out what this gizmo is all about and what it was made for. When Google brings us to a dead end, the best thing left to do is to ask internet users for help. It is thanks to them that we found out how an ancient hearing aid and the fallen spines of sea urchins looked, as well as what a creature with a Y-shaped head is called.

1. “Researching plantation houses in the 1700s. What is the thing hanging from the ceiling in this dining room?”

It’s a ceiling fan. The rope at the top would be pulled to create the back and forth motion to fan the air and keep flies away from the table during a meal.

2. “Found underneath the seat on the metro train, seems to be a windowed container filled with sawdust?”

There is a “sandbox” located under seats in metro trains. It’s a box with sand to use in wet or slippery conditions to improve traction (during acceleration or deceleration).

3. “Found some sort of door on Orcas Island, Washington. The door was locked and hadn’t been opened in a long time. Any idea what it’s used for? ”

That’s the door leading to a lime kiln that had been abandoned for a long time. It was built far from living houses so that its gases don’t poison people.

4. “Saw it during my flight. No idea how to Google it.”

It’s a large tower-type solar-thermodynamic power plant located in the state of Nevada, USA.

5. “I saw it in a little museum in a small town I once lived in years ago with a sign saying ’What is this thing?’ Even the museum employees didn’t know what it was.”

It’s the rusted guts of a Mills slot machine which has reels and combinations of pictures in order to win. Here you can see how it works.

6. “Metal thing and its leather case. Found when clearing my grandad’s house. What is it?”

It’s called a pocket ear trumpet.

7. “Found in a house in Ohio.”

It’s a snooker or billiards scorekeeper.

8. “I found it in my new fridge. What is it?”

That’s a tool for cleaning a drainage hole that collects condensate in the fridge.

9. “On display on a wall at the ski slopes telling us not to touch it if found. What is this?”

It’s an avalauncher round — an explosive device used in avalanche mitigation. As with any other explosive materials, they sometimes explode and, therefore, they pose a danger.

10. “Found this in the Mississippi River while kayaking. I think it’s some kind of fungus but I’ve never seen this in my life.”

It’s Bryozoa — a type of invertebrate animal. These are aquatic and colonial moss creatures. The colonies of Bryozoa can cover the square of more than 10 sq ft. Their colonies have many forms: some grow on reachable surfaces (stones, shells, or seaweeds) in the form of crusts and lumps, while others can have forms of fans, bushes, and sheets.

11. “My friends’ kitchen has this odd narrow cutting board. What can you possibly use this for?”

Back in the day, people used hand-operated meat grinders rather than buying ground meat at the store. You could mount them to the narrow board via a C-clamp on the bottom of the grinder. If you look carefully, you’ll see the traces of clamps.

12. “There are a lot of these in the sands of Portugal. What is this?”

These are sea urchin spines.

13. “World War I era helmet. What is this one for?”

These protective helmets were worn by German flamethrower operators.

14. “Found in a charity shop in Scotland. It has a simple press screw and 2 nails to hold something aligned.”

It’s an old tool for holding a stack of notepaper and a loop for a pen.

15. “I noticed a massive net next to the main road near Manchester. Any ideas what it could be for?”

There is a golf club near the road and the net won’t let a ball get on the highway.

16. “Spotted these metallic structures on a cliff while going on a train to Machu Pichu. What are they?”

That’s a hotel on the cliff consisting of 3 semi-transparent rooms. One night there costs $450.

17. “What is this strange thing all about?”

That’s a handle for a hand saw. That’s how it looks together with the saw.

18. “Saw it in a Facebook post. Any ideas?”

It’s a Bipalium — a planaria worm also known as a hammerhead slug. By the way, the worm feeds on earthworms.

19. “What is this helicopter used for?”

It’s Sikorsky S-64 Skycrane. The helicopter in the photo was designed for transporting military tanks. But, in fact, it can be used to carry any heavy object because this machine can lift up to 42,000 lb.


AT LEAST ONE THING IN THIS DUMP WILL ANNOY YOU

AT LEAST ONE THING IN THIS DUMP WILL ANNOY YOU -

 

Someone decided against an ice cream cake and left it on a shelf.

“Leaving Used tissue in the lobby.”

“Let me just park my yacht beside a restaurant and turn on all my lights.”

“Woman using her mother as a shelf…”

“This dude seriously took up two spaces.”

“Came into class with this all over the boards. Just a waste of ink, really.”

“One bike, five spots.”

 

 

 

 


Reddit Users Rank The Site's 10 Most Memorable Moments Ever

Reddit Users Rank The Site's 10 Most Memorable Moments Ever

However you might feel about the site, Reddit is a place for news, moments, and memories. Redditors gathered together to commemorate some of the sites greatest (read: embarrassing) moments and threads, and most of them aren't pretty. Here are some of the greatest moments/threads/conversations in Reddit history.

1. Getting caught in the weirdest lie ever via MsPumpernickel

Wikimedia Commons

I vaguely remember a story where a guy went to meet his girlfriend's parents and claimed he didn't know what a potato was.

Here's part of the epic tale in question, in which a Reddit user pretends to not know what potatos are as a joke, only to get caught in a horrible lie:

So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"

They stared at me and the mother said "It's a baked potato." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a baked....what is it again?"

And she was like "A potato."

And I was like "A 'potato', oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good."

And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato is.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don't know what to tell you."

Read the rest here.

2. Never gonna fuuuuck you uuup via uninvincible314

YouTube/Rick Astley

the Rick Astley AMA where somebody commented "will you ever give me up?" and his response was just "go fuck yourself" or something lmao

3. Wow. No jokes here. This Disney World Goofy has a hell of a story  via culb77

frikitiki/Flickr

The Goofy story. Prepare for tears.

Here's part of it:

I was working City Hall one day when two guests came in with two little girls. One was in a wheel chair and the other one looked like she had just seen death. Both were cut and bruised and the one in the wheelchair had her arm in a cast. The two women were actually nurses from a hospital and were asking for a refund on the girl's tickets, something we avoided doing at all costs. When I asked why they told me the story. The two girls were with their mom and dad at Epcot and on the way home they got into a horrible car accident. The mother was beheaded right in front of them. The father eventually died too but the two girls didn't know that yet. They were from overseas and had no money and no contact information for anyone they knew. They were bringing the tickets back to get the girls some much needed money to help get them back home. My heart absolutely sunk. If you had seen these girls you'd know why.

Read the rest of the story here.

4. EA's never living this down via ThisNameIsValid27

EA

The EA reply about Star wars battlefront and getting downvoted to oblivion is a classic.

5. This user kept combining things with rice and then.. giving it a score via ItsNotMe98

Shutterstock
 

The kid who tried anything with rice (per request) then gave it a rating out of 10

 

6. Quality arguing hours via Twelve_Volt

The drunk guy who did an AMA and answered his own questions.

Link

7. This is how not to play Diablo via ImAWhaleBiologist

Blizzard

These posts come up a lot and I never see WarPhalange get mentioned.

Ages ago, that user made a generic gaming post of a Diablo III beta code claiming he had cancer. Despite showing his post having literally zero substance, he got upvoted like crazy because cancer. He then came out and said he faked it to show how sob stories are used to game the system. Instead of taking the lesson to heart and thinking more critically about "My brother who died of AIDS left me this game collection photo of a stack of N64 games" posts, Reddit lost their god-damned minds and downvoted him for having lied. And to this day, sob story posts STILL get tons of attention, so basically nothing was learned.

8. So...this guy just played an extremely extended version of Roy from Rick and Morty? via GreatAndEminentSage

Adult Swim

The guy who was knocked unconscious and was out 10 minutes. He "lived" 10 years in another existence. Had a wife, children, a job and everything. Then one day he noticed something odd about a lamp in his living room. He spent a week not eating or sleeping just looking at the lamp. Then one day he was "sucked" back into his "normal" life. Strange story. Will look for link.

Link

9. Hey, internet. Don't do play detective. via Immobylized/Tuatha-an

Shutterstock

That time Reddit was so damn sure that they identified one of the Boston Marathon bombers.

Reminder that Reddit playing Sherlock Holmes got a man killed.

Here's a timeline:

And that's the story of how Reddit harassed a suicide victim's family and got a man killed.

Bonus quote from some moron moderator:

"it's been proven that a crowd of thousands can do things like this much quicker and better. . . . I'd take thousands of people over a select few very smart investigators any day."

10. Also don't do this via Ego_Sum_Morio

Shutterstock

Here's something I stumbled across a few months ago. Makes me laugh every time

~I used to masturbate onto whales at a local dock. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the whales would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go.

After you're good an horny, you get some fish. My whales preferred tuna but healthier whales might have a taste for slamon or maybe even sea trout. Fat, unhealthy whales are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the dock and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter fish out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the whales to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust.

Now you're finally ready to cum on your whale. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the whales, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the whale and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those whales reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the world. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a pod of whales, cock throbbing and waiting for them to swim close to me.~

Edit: for those asking, credit goes to u/MondoHatesYou


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