This Pantless, Barefoot Chick Walk Of Shaming In Storm Jonas Makes ‘Revenant’ Leo Look Like A Whiny Bitch

sbiwwakj

Snowstorms make people horny.

Having little connection to the amenities we rely on daily reverts us to animalistic tendencies–like peen in vag type tendencies. Tendicksies. <— Still ironing that one out.

Let's try to get in the mindset of the dude whose place she's coming from. The optimist in me thinks that he's such a suave Man Machine that this chick was willing to brave sub-zero temperatures and the very realistic possibility that she could get snowed in to his dog shit apartment that smells a bit like farts, rotting chinese food, and regrets. That's a testament to manhood.

But the realist in me knows that this chick got super hammered last night and he was the one who got laid simply because he was the last man standing. But he wasn't really standing because he was being propped up by the fridge. And after a short, uninspired stint of forgettable sex she wakes up to find what he really look like and scatters off like a fart in the wind.

I guess after blizzard sex you don't really care about the trivial details. What matters is that this dude obtained the novelty of slapping skins during a blizzard while I was home eating pancakes this morning. Cap tip, sir.

P.S. This happened in West Virgina–one of the most heavily impacted regions, 40+ inches of snow in some areas. Cap tip, lady. Making Leo in the Revenant looks like a whiny little bitch and that dude got fucked by a grizzly. Fully penetrated.

This Pantless, Barefoot Chick Walk Of Shaming In Storm Jonas Makes ‘Revenant’ Leo Look Like A Whiny Bitch