Stormy Daniels Gave Details On Her Disappointing Sex With President Trump

Stormy Daniels Gave Details On Her Disappointing Sex With President Trump

President Donald Trump had sex with adult film star Stormy Daniels like, right after his wife Melania gave birth to his son Barron. And I know you’re thinking about how this reflects on Trump, and we’ll get to that. But first I want you to think about how this reflects on Stormy Daniels. Are you going to be able to take her seriously as a porn star when you know she’s had Donald Trump’s tiny old dick inside of her?

Now to the Donald Trump part of our story. Trump reportedly paid Daniels $130,000 to sign an NDA and not tell anyone about they banged and how he was bad at it when he decided to run for president, and she has denied the affair every since then. But she had given an interview to InTouch magazine before she signed the NDA, which they apparently didn’t think was newsworthy enough to print until now.

What exactly did Ms Daniels tell InTouch?

“I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, ‘Please, don’t try to pay me.’”

So not only did she have sex with Trump voluntarily, she did it for free. Maybe what they say about porn stars having no self respect is true.

“When I came out, he was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.” After having sex, Stormy said, “We hung out for a little while and he just kept saying, ‘I’m gonna call you, I’m gonna call you. I have to see you again. You’re amazing. We have to get you on The Apprentice.’”

That’s a sentiment every dude wants to hear before sex. “Ugh, here we go.”

InTouch was skimpy on details because they want you to go to a newsstand and buy a copy of their magazine like it’s suddenly 1993 and people actually read magazines. Thankfully the New York Post had some of the more salacious details.

“[The sex] was textbook generic,” Daniels — whose real name is Stephanie Clifford — told InTouch magazine in 2011. It “was nothing crazy. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do.”

That’s kind of disappointing. I was honestly looking forward to someone saying the words “The President of the United States ate a porn star’s ass” on the news. Or at least getting to hear Terry Gross ask someone to explain what a rimjob is to all of NPR’s listeners.

“He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, beautiful and smart just like his daughter,” Daniels said.

Yeah, if Donald Trump isn’t having sex with his daughter, he totally wants to. I think they’ve done it, that’s why she calls him daddy.

Also, Trump apparently had a little crush on Stormy, because she also mentioned he kept calling her a few times a month trying to stick it in again. We’ve all been there, Donny, we’ve all been there. I can’t even get Bailey Jay to return my calls, much less have boring sex that leaves her entirely unfulfilled, so at least you’ve got that going for you.


WANT TO TAKE UP SEXERCISE? HERE'S HOW MANY CALORIES EACH SEX POSITION BURNS

WANT TO TAKE UP SEXERCISE? HERE'S HOW MANY CALORIES EACH SEX POSITION BURNS

1

If you despise jogging, along with every other form of working out, don’t sweat it. We’ve always known sex was a great way to burn off calories, but science has finally told us how many. However, these are just averages. If your sex is best described as a ‘Fast and Furious’ film you probably burn more than average.

2

Giving oral sex for 30 minutes burns approximately 60 calories. Good news: you also burn 60 calories just by receiving oral! Bad news: 60 calories isn’t even half a Snickers bar.

3

Simply making out for 30 minutes burns 230 calories! That’s easy to believe considering how many people get way too into it. In public.

4

Doggystyle allows you to burn 110 calories per half hour if you’re the one on top thrusting, and slightly fewer if you’re not. Hey, that’s still pretty good for us girls!

5

Classic missionary only burns 60 calories per half hour depending on how umm, intense you are. That number is easily doubled when you’re more vigorous. You know, like at the end.

6

Cowgirl and reverse cowgirl let the ladies burn up to 110 calories every 35 minutes. Yee-haw!

7

A 30 minute hand job burns 50 calories. However, unless you’re still in high school, hopefully your life isn’t full of 30 minute long hand jobs when there’s so much more you could be doing.

8


Just like with interval training, changing positions is also the way to go. Not just for better exercise, but for more interesting sex. So, go forth, and show this article to your girlfriend while trying to convince her to have sex tonight.


19 Hot And Sweaty Confessions From Personal Trainers

19 Hot And Sweaty Confessions From Personal Trainers

 

 

 


Comedian Speaks On The Life Size Sex Doll That Looks Like An Instagram Thot! "I Could Do Stuff I Never Dreamed Of Doing"

Comedian Speaks On The Life Size Sex Doll That Looks Like An Instagram Thot! "I Could Do Stuff I Never Dreamed Of Doing"

“She is only $2k and when I get tired of her, a new head costs $300. For only $3k I can have 4 girlfriends who are never gonna get on my nerves and are never gonna wanna get married. She thicker than 5 o’clock traffic in Atlanta. Y’all are not gonna disrespect my silicone queen.” – Ryan Davis.


Indian Man Busted Having 'Unnatural Sex' With Three Cows

Indian Man Busted Having 'Unnatural Sex' With Three Cows

I mean, is there any other kind?

According to Metro, a sick fuck in Vadodara, India was arrested earlier this week after he allegedly humped three cows, leaving one of them dead on the floor after he was finished with it.

Police said the cows’ owner, Lalji Rabari, brought one of his workers to the cop shop after discovering that somebody had tied three of his cows’ legs together with rope and likely had intercourse with them. The worker is known only as Rathodiya, and Rabari suspected it was him because he was busted plowing a calf two years ago.

How he managed to keep his job after that shit show is anybody’s guess, but not firing him really backfired on Rabari, as one of the three cows was not only a victim of “unnatural sex” but also murder.

Police interviewed Rathodiva at the station, and he actually admitted to taking all three cows to pound town sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning. Police and locals have come to the conclusion that Rathodiva has “psychological problems,” something that easily falls under the “no shit” umbrella.


The Moonlite Bunny Ranch Is Considering Accepting Bitcoin

The Moonlite Bunny Ranch Is Considering Accepting Bitcoin

The oldest profession on the planet seems to be keeping up with the times.

According to the New York Post, the owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch is seriously considering accepting Bitcoin from his rich clientele in exchange for sexual escapades with his hookers.

“We have some of the richest men in the world coming in and out of my brothels” owner/pimp Dennis Hof said. “Our high dollar clientele is accustomed to getting anything they want here, so when I started hearing requests from them to look into accepting Bitcoin, I took those suggestions very seriously.”

“We have guys carrying duffle bags full of cash right up to our cashier’s window, and we’ve had to install a safe the size of Fort Knox to hold it all,” Hof continued. “Not that I mind good old fashioned cold cash, but Bitcoin is making it so much more practical for those same clients to live out their sexual fantasies here at the Bunny Ranch without literally having to carry a lot of excess baggage.”

What a country!


The 21 Most Famous Celebrity Sex Tapes

The 21 Most Famous Celebrity Sex Tapes

A no-bullshit guide to the most famous celebrity sex tapes of all time.

Celebrity porn, is a fascinating watch, if you are into that... but waiting for the next 'leaked' tape or images can take forever.

So until the next big scandal hits the internet, check out this history of celebrity sex tapes. We break it down for you in the simplest way possible

 

Jayne Kennedy and Leon Isaac Kennedy

Long Story Short: Groundbreaking African-American sports bunny gets a hand from actor and soon-to-be-ex-husband.

The Breakdown: Leon, the star of the boxer-in-prison penitentiary film franchise, supposedly leaked the tape during the pair’s nasty breakup.

The Action: The former NFL Today cohost is a world-class hump, whether she’s grinding her big, beautiful booty on Leon’s cock or massaging his balls while two of his fingers are crammed up her ass. She gives tasty head, too, knocking his cock back like a shot of cheap tequila. Jayne’s up for just about anything — and by tape’s end, just about anything is up her. The tape is notorious for its show stopping fisting scene.

Stop, Look, and Listen: The tape was made in their home with the radio playing in the background, so the soundtrack is killer. Watching them pose naked to Blondie’s “Rapture” is cute, but watching Leon’s handy work during Herman’s Hermits’ “I’m Into Something Good” is hilarious.

Availability: This is why God invented Google.

The Go-Go’s

Photo by Robert Matheu

Long Story Short: High-flying, inebriated pop princesses stir up some shit, only to have it rain down on them years later.

The Breakdown: This one puts the “scandal” in “celebrity sex scandal,” and for good reason. When David, a member of the Go-Go’s’ road crew, is too shitfaced to get hard enough to jerk off in a hotel bathroom, Belinda Carlisle and Kathy Valentine try to get a fan named Elaine to blow him. She says no, so the gang raps about sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll. Basically it’s the new-wave version of the Stones’ Cocksucker Blues, only without the sucking.

The Action: Dave passes out in bed and Valentine tries to wake him up by smearing him with shaving cream, stuffing a vibrator up his ass, and giving him a hot foot. She succeeds.

The Best Line: A bleary-eyed Carlisle slurs, “This is gonna be real interesting to show one day, huh?” The answer to that one would be “Yes!”

Availability: Not hard to find. An edited version of this tape was sold for years, bundled with Rob Lowe’s and Chuck Berry’s sexcapades.

Rob Lowe

Long Story Short: Brat Pack heart throb gets caught with his pants down but keeps his dignity intact.

The Breakdown: The tape you’ve seen on the Internet and TV isn’t the famous footage shot during the 1988 Democratic convention in Atlanta that apparently featured Lowe with two women, one of whom was underage. This more widely circulated video features Lowe with a girl and another guy.

The Action: Though it’s grainy, you can still see that what Lowe lacks in dramatic chops, he makes up for with chops of another kind. He pounds away at his special friend for a good ten minutes at a time before calling time-out for a beer. And between the pixels, it seems like he’s got a pretty impressive package.

Blink and You’ll Miss: Rob Lowe drinks Miller!

Availability: Copies are available bundled with the Go-Go’s and Chuck Berry footage.

Chuck Berry

Long Story Short: Fifties guitar legend gets exposed as urophilic bad boy.

The Breakdown:Berry’s as prolific a pornographer as he is a songwriter, with both careers producing a trail of classics. His nude pics were published in High Society, which he sued, and his private sex tapes were made public. He’s also been suspected of putting videocameras in the women’s room of his Missouri restaurant.

The Action: The sex is pretty run-of-the-mill; it’s Berry’s scatological fascination that makes this one a keeper. When
 he’s not pissing on his girlfriend or having her shake his freshly drained vein, he farts in her face while she blows him.

Now We Get It: He did write “The Wee Wee Hours,” didn’t he?

Availability: In edited form, with the Rob Lowe and Go-Go’s tape.

Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly

Long Story Short: Knee-capping ice queen goes for the long green and unwittingly starts a cottage industry.

The Breakdown: Tonya and Jeff tried to revive her failing career by selling off what was hyped as a “honeymoon tape,” and was marketed for sale exclusively by Penthouse magazine.

The Action: Exactly how you’d think fucking a white-trash princess like Harding would be: interesting for a few minutes but for the most part, nothing special.

Oh, Really?: Even though Harding’s wearing a wedding dress in the beginning, it wasn’t her wedding night. It was a Halloween costume. No wonder this is so scary.

Availability: Although it sold thousands in the past, the only way to see this one is if a buddy has the VHS version lying around.

Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels

Long Story Short: Surprisingly resilient sex queen survives her first potential career-wrecker.

The Breakdown: This was filmed after a 1994 Halloween party and later swiped by a “friend” who saw dollar signs but got nothing but headaches. In 1998, Anderson and Michaels successfully sued to keep the tape under wraps, but by that time everyone and their brother already had a copy.

The Action: Pam strips and then
 plays with her tits for a good ten minutes — and they are a good ten minutes — before Michaels comes in. She gives him a slow, loving blowjob, then mounts him. Michaels eats her pussy then fucks her missionary-style. A second part of the tape is much higher quality but only a few minutes long, and shows her fucking him cowgirl while she flashes her bunghole.

Did You Know?: The metal bad boy likes to cuddle! Aww!

Availability: The Internet

Ted Turner and Jane Fonda

Long Story Short: Media mogul gets cornholed by his commie sympathizer–turned–workout guru wife and gets his ass saved by porn mogul.

The Breakdown: This baby was presumably only given one public screening when a solicitor brought
 it to the offices of Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine, hoping to sell it for around $1 million.

The Action: This one’s so rare that even we haven’t seen it. According to those who have, the tape features CNN founder Ted Turner in a three-way with then-wife Jane Fonda and another woman. Jane and Ted have never commented on it, but there’s good reason to believe the tape does exist. In his porn memoir Prisoner of X, former Hustler editor Allan MacDonell writes about having viewed it with Flynt in his office. Though the Hustler founder and top dog didn’t buy this tape, he purchased a different sex tape and gave it to Turner as a token. Of what, exactly, we couldn’t tell you.

Best Line (Allegedly): Jane’s dildo falls out of Ted’s ass and he barks, “Damn it, Jane. You always do that when I’m ready to come!”

Availability: In your fuckin’ dreams, buddy.

Vince Neil and Janine Lindemulder

Long Story Short: Once-relevant hair-band messiah beds otherwise-Sapphic sex queen, and a nation yawns.

The Breakdown: America’s hunger for rock-star porn is further fed when Internet Entertainment Group acquires this rough-cut gem, which surprisingly has no legal drama attached. We’re sure that Mötley Crüe’s female demographic was dying to check this out, but by tape’s end Neil proves that even though he managed to bag one of the biggest sex symbols in America, he’s no Tommy Lee.

The Action: Call us biased, but the only reason to check this out is because the well Neil dips his nib into is our own Janine Lindemulder, the Penthouse Pet–turned–porn star who was famous for only doing women on film for most of her career. This was her first officially released boy-girl scene, about a decade before her film Maneater. Nestled away in a tropical paradise, Neil, Janine, and a sexy female friend explore some caves. Neil does a little spelunking of his own back at their bungalow, chowing down on the happy hussies before making porno history with the beautiful blonde Janine.

Fun Fact: The sexy friend, whose face was blurred out for contractual reasons, is widely believed to be Penthouse Pet Brandy Ledford.

Availability: Sold in your finder smut emporia under the title Janine & Vince Neil: Hardcore & Uncensored.

Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee

Long Story Short: Living blow-up doll and her rock-star hubby share their love with the world.

The Breakdown: The Star Wars of celebrity sex tapes was found in a safe that was stolen from the couple’s home. After a company threatened to sell it online, Pam and Tommy sued for invasion of privacy, and each was awarded at least $740,000. Naturally, a deal was struck to release the vid over-the-counter; the legal version did boffo box office and was named Adult Video News magazine’s top-selling and top-renting release of 1999.

The Action: Sorry, but the banging is b-o-o-o-ring. Sure, Pam gives her well-hung hubby some spirited head, throws him a quickie, and takes a come shot on her tummy, but they’re so in love, it’s like watching your parents fuck. Okay, maybe not your parents, but somebody’s parents.

Did You Know?: Tommy has a big dick, but he comes in less than a minute.

Availability: Any adult-video store will have it, unless they’re sold out.

Gena Lee Nolin and Former Husband Greg Fahlman

Long Story Short: Pam Anderson Lite has her own sex tape, with less spectacular results.

The Payoff: According to press accounts, Nolin’s flack has said she leaked this in 2004 — the same year she divorced Fahlman and started dating hockey player Cale Hulse. It was reportedly being hawked to porn companies for $1 million but was never made legally available.

The Sex: Baywatch fans creamed at the thought of Gena Lee Nolin sans her trademark red swimsuit, but this tape, probably made around 1993, is one ugly affair. Fahlman makes her strip, but she’s hurting from breast surgery so she makes it quick. He keeps barking orders at her, telling her to get on all fours. The schlumpy Fahlman does her doggie-style for a few seconds before she says it hurts too much. Then she gives his dick a quick suck and begs off so they can watch the tape. She clearly isn’t into any of it and bad-mouths him the entire time. Frankly, we’d rather watch Hasselhoff.

Blink and You’ll Miss: Gena gives her panties a quick sniff before tossing them on the floor.

Availability: The proverbial black market.

Eve

Long Story Short: Rhyme-spitting fashion diva gets pronged by literal and figurative jerk-off.

The Breakdown: Yet another music star makes yet another sex tape only to have it leaked, yet again, onto the Internet.

The Action: The former Philly stripper gets pumped with a dildo while her partner jacks off. End of story.

Blink and You’ll Miss: Almost everything, since the online clip is only 20 seconds long.

Availability: Not!

Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon

Long Story Short: Inexplicably fascinating celebutante turns unwitting porn star and finally gets a career.

The Breakdown: For some reason, the Hilton Hotel heiress was banging the well-hung Salomon and trusted him enough to let him tape it. This is the result of their first video escapade. In 2006, the bootleg version became the third most-watched video online, logging a considerable 400 million hits until we, for one, stopped counting. The officially released version, 1 Night in Paris, was AVN’s top-selling and top-renting release of 2005.

The Action: She takes Salomon’s healthy cock with barely a shudder, but not surprisingly, she seems more interested in watching herself on the monitor. The then nineteen-year-old rich girl looks like a refugee from Meerkat Manor in the much-parodied night-vision footage, but the full-color blowjob scene is rock-solid.

Blink and You’ll Miss: Paris almost showing some emotion, but not quite.

Availability: Any good online smut shop.

R. Kelly

Long Story Short: High-rollin’ soulster lets his taste for water sports and young girls (and we mean young) out of the closet, and ultimately manages to stay out of jail.

The Breakdown: Kelly, who married the late R&B star Aaliyah when she was 15, got busted after the Chicago Sun-Times reported the existence of a sex tape featuring, among other charming scenes, him a girl who was allegedly fourteen years old at the time. Kelly was ultimately cleared of child pornography charges because the girl couldn’t be positively identified; his other partner from the video later claimed to believe the girl was 16 at the time.

The Action: Don’t make us do that.

Availability: Not worth the risk.

Fred Durst and Masha Novoselova

Long Story Short: Rap-metal meathead gets laid, hacked, and ultimately owned.

The Breakdown: Hot on the heels of the Paris Hilton cellphone hack came news that some enterprising techie swiped this baby from Durst’s computer — or Sidekick, depending on which version you hear.

The Action: Durst is such a flatliner in the sack (or just soooo self-absorbed) that at one point he turns the camera away from his dick and onto his own face. Surprisingly, you can tell the difference.

Fun Fact: Fred’s cock isn’t as small as chat-room trolls would have you believe.

Availability: You don’t really wanna go there, do you?

Gene Simmons and Traci Anna Koval

Long Story Short: You wanted the best and you got... grainy, B&W nanny-cam footage of Kiss founder Gene Simmons banging adult model Traci Anna Koval in a hotel room.

The Breakdown: Filmed without his knowledge in 2003, Simmons bought the footage (and its copyright) shortly after it was recorded. In 2008, a site called GenesSecret.com (don’t waste your time, it’s down) offered a one-minute teaser from the eight-minute original with the promise of more to come with a paid membership; to his credit, Simmons successfully had the site shut down. Interestingly enough, the site launched mere weeks before the third season premier episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels, which was set to reveal the results of the previous season’s cliffhanger lie detector test determining whether The Demon had actually slept with 4,800 women. Who woulda thunk it?

The Action: Not surprisingly, the world’s biggest sexual narcissist comes off as just that. He doesn’t use his trademark tongue on Traci at all, he just drops his pants, leaves his T-shirt on (thank god), slithers into a rubber (thank god), then mounts Traci missionary before some cowgirl and doggie-style. At one point he practically head butts her when they’re changing positions, which they seem to discuss like Gene’s negotiating a licensing deal.

Please, God, Make It Stop: Like the Jayne Kennedy tape, the best thing here is the radio playing in the background. The pair fuck to the almost-too-good-to-be-true soundtrack of “I Wanna Know What Love Is” by Foreigner and the Steve Perry hit “Oh Sherrie (Hold On),” which is pretty funny when he’s hitting her doggie-style.

Availability: The entire clip is available online if you know where to look.

Joanie “Chyna” Laurer and Wrestler Sean “X-Pac” Waltman

Long Story Short: Grappling ginch and insignificant other jump on the celeb-porn gravy train.

The Breakdown: Whether this was “stolen,” “leaked,” or intentionally marketed, the former WWE starlet was really just continuing the career trajectory started by her 2000 spread in Playboy.

The Action: Better than you’d think. Joanie’s surprisingly hot in faux dominatrix gear, but she’s a surprisingly docile and compliant sex puppet. She sucks cock like a pro and, in the tape’s best scene, takes it up the ass like she’s maybe done it once or twice before. AVN’s top-selling release of 2006.

Look Away or You’ll See: The forest of acne peppering Joanie’s otherwise accommodating glutes.

Availability: Most online porn retailers.

Jenna Lewis and Travis Wolfe

Long Story Short: Survivor also-ran trumps Mark Burnett with a sex scandal that was more marketing than mischief.

The Breakdown: Shortly before the live finale
 of Survivor: All-Stars, America learned that one of the players was all tore up over a honeymoon sex tape. When she mentioned that the tape was available on the web, a reporter snooped around and learned that Jenna and her manager allegedly owned the site you could buy it from.

The Action: The appeal of the tape has outlived the marriage, and with good reason: It smokes. Jenna looks like a blast in the sack.

Best Line: After complimenting Wolfe’s genetic makeup for enabling him to fuck so well, Lewis says, “That’s right, I invoked the name of your mother while we’re having sex. Now fuck me harder!”

Availability: A number of download sites.

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain

Long Story Short: Playboy Playmate beds Irish bad boy for fun and...

The Breakdown: Farrell and Narain made this “strictly private and confidential” 13-minute video in 2003; two years later he sued her, celebrity-sex-tape broker David Hans Schmidt (who committed suicide after trying to extort millions from Tom Cruise), and online smut peddler Internet Commerce Group to prevent its sale. Narain said she didn’t know how it was leaked and agreed to help stop it, but Farrell again accused her of trying to profit from its distribution. Farrell got an injunction and has aggressively pursued anyone trying to make money from the tape ever since.

The Action: Farrell shouldn’t have bothered hiding this. He comes off looking like a total stud, showing off his big cock, buff body, and ability to bag some top-shelf tail. The sexiest part is watching Narain slide Farrell’s cock into her mouth. The funniest part is watching her pull his pubes from her teeth. This beats Alexander by a long shot.

Best Dialogue: Narain: “Do you want to watch some porn?” Farrell: “I fookin’ live on parn!”

Availability: The Internet, kids, if you’re lucky.

Dustin “Screech” Diamond

Long Story Short: Former teen star revives failing career and performs an urban-legendary sex act.

The Breakdown: The real screech here isn’t Diamond’s character from Saved by the Bell, but the floundering actor’s gross attempt to get some attention. You’re invited to watch as Double D sexes up two chicks in a real-life round of hide the salami. Diamond told MSNBC talk-show host Joe Scarborough that he and some unnamed B-list Hollywood buds play a game called “poke ’em,” where they wager on who can commit the most outrageous sex act on film.

Blink and You’ll Miss: The last shred of dignity Diamond might have had after he hawked T-shirts to save his house from foreclosure.

What the Fuck: Diamond gives one gal the legendary “Dirty Sanchez,” a high degree-of-difficulty bedroom maneuver that involves poking his finger up her ass so he can leave a thin fecal mustache on her upper lip upon withdrawal. You may be amused, but she was not.

Availability: Most adult online video stores.

Kim Kardashian and Ray J

Long Story Short: Second-wave celebutard does a Paris Hilton and, for better or worse, a family dynasty is born.

The Breakdown: Vivid Entertainment made headlines with their tale of a leaked tape, which they then bought for a hefty sum and — after all the legal paperwork, including checks, had been signed — released Kim Kardashian, superstar to the world. What was originally a roughly five-minute clip is given the Pam and Tommy Lee treatment with the addition of some vacation and holiday footage to bulk up the running time — and the repetition of actual sex action to pad things out further, with the moaning and groaning dubbed in along the way.

The Action: Above and beyond Ray J.’s annoying habit of facing the camera to let... someone know how in control he is, the sex is pretty standard. If nothing else, the world finds out that Kim has a fabulous ass when she’s getting the prone bone, and Ray J. isn’t too shabby in the big black cock department.

You Ain’t Gonna See: The pair indulge in a little water sports, because that shit was cut out.

Availability: You can find the video all over the Internet, for sale or for free. Let your conscience be your guide.

Jimi Hendrix

Long Story Short: Vivid Entertainment’s zeal to corner the celebrity porn market reaches an embarrassing low with Jimi Hendrix: The Sex Tape, an obvious repackaging of an anonymous 70s stag film as the holy grail of celebrity sex tapes.

The Breakdown: A well-hung black dude who isn’t Jimi Hendrix bangs two chicks who never got closer to the guitar god than their turntable, while modern-day interviews with Pamela Des Barres and Cynthia Plaster Caster, two groupie goddesses who also never played with Jimi’s Wild Thing, give this piece of crap the socially redeeming, quasi-documentary something it needed to justify its existence.

The Action: There is none, because it ain’t Jimi Hendrix.

Blink and You’ll Miss: Jimi Hendrix fucking two groupies, ’cuz that ain’t what you’ll be seeing here.

Availability: Save your money. This thing’s a hoax.


Facebook Sex Video Triggers Child Porn Charges For 1,004

Facebook Sex Video Triggers Child Porn Charges For 1,004

 

The two videos tallied up to 59 seconds and could "ruin my life," says one 19-year-old. She doesn't appear in the footage, but was one of 1,004 people—996 of them between the ages of 15 and 24—notified Monday that they face preliminary charges for sharing child porn. The New York Times delves into the case, which involves video taken of two consenting Danish 15-year-olds having sex. The sex part is legal in the country. but sharing the videos runs afoul of Denmark's child-porn laws. The videos were disseminated via Facebook's Messenger app; Facebook deleted them in the fall upon learning about them and reported them to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, which alerted Europol and Danish police, NBC News reports.

After months spent tracking social media accounts and IP addresses, Danish police made their move in what Bloomberg calls the "biggest case of its kind" in the country. Prosecutors will make the call on whether to move forward with the charges, and the Times predicts that if they do, it's unlikely anyone will end up in prison. But the paper notes that getting off scot-free could be tough: A conviction would make getting certain jobs (with law enforcement, or working with children) impossible, and even if they were to successfully argue they thought the couple was at least 18, they could be hit with a charge for sharing the video without consent. The videos, which some outlets are calling revenge porn, were made by friends of the couple at a party and then shared by those friends.


Woman Auctions Her Virginity Online Hoping To Fund Cambridge Education

Woman Auctions Her Virginity Online Hoping To Fund Cambridge Education

An 18-year-old woman has posted an advert online 'selling' her virginity. Nicole, who hails from Italy and says she has received one offer of £890,000 ($1.2 million), spoke to the Sun about her decision.

"I decided when I was 16 that my virginity was precious," she told the newspaper. "I was in a relationship with a man much older than me, but I decided I would only lose my virginity to the man I love and the man I want to marry in the future.

"He told me he wanted to stay with me all my life, that he loved me, and that he wanted to have a family with me but I was only 16 and I was scared so I decided to split up with him."

After splitting with the man Nicole (which is a pseudonym) began thinking about her future life and career. She decided that she wanted to study at Cambridge University.


Credit: Nicole

"I wanted a good education," she told the Sun. "So I started looking on the web for ways to finance my studies and I came across a series of auction adverts and found there were girls who had sold themselves for £3.1m ($4.2) so I decided I would do the same when I turned 18.

"I hope to get as much as possible to fund my studies, to help my sister and my family, and buy my parents a house. There are a lot of men interested who are writing to the agency and the highest offer we have at the moment is €1m (£890,000)."


Credit: Elite Models VIP

Nicole posted her advert on European website Elite Models VIP. Selling sex is legal in Italy, though brothels, pimping and prostitution rings have been illegal since 1958. However, the legality of the woman's ad could be called into question depending on the country her 'client' is based.

Nicole is far from the first person to auction her virginity online - in March last year, 18-year-old Aleexandra Kefren successfully sold hers for an eye-watering fee of £2m ($2.7m).

"I wanted to sell my virginity with Cinderella Escorts rather than giving it to a future friend who might have left me anyway. And I think many other girls have the same attitude," Aleexandra said, as reported by the Metro. "How many would possibly forgo their first time in retrospect if they could have 2.3 million euros instead?"


Want To See A Sex Doll's Life-Like T*tties In Action? WATCH THIS

Want To See A Sex Doll's Life-Like T*tties In Action? WATCH THIS

Once we get some good artificial intelligence going we are gonna be robosexuals.  No contest, give me the robo titties.

 


We Are All Very Awkward About Sex

We Are All Very Awkward About Sex

 

Though we admittedly have it better than those poor schmucks in the past who thought looking at a bare ankle could damn you for eternity, we are still very far away from sexual liberation.

 


69 Rules Of What Not To Do At An Orgy

69 Rules Of What Not To Do At An Orgy

An orgy is not a free for all. Contrary to popular opinion, there is actually a best practice for an orgy. There are dos and don’ts. There is etiquette and there are standards. There is no limit to the amount of people that can participate in an orgy, but there is a point of diminishing return. There are no limits as to the gender, religion, or race of participants. But like the United Colors of Benetton, a good orgy strikes a balance between all identities and sexual preferences. Now, for those of you who have yet to participate in a proper orgy, the dos seem pretty logical and simple: take pleasure and have lots of sex. It is the don’ts, or the things better off not experienced, that make the difference in a successful orgy.

1. Do not wear dirty underwear.

2. Shave close; Chins can scratch up thighs.

3. Wear clothing that buttons and unbuttons easily—and not too much of it.

4. Do not bring children and/or pets. This includes dogs, cats, elephants, and aardvarks.

5. Try not to throw up on the others.

6. Do not drink too much and cry about your misspent adulthood.

7. Do not throw a tantrum.

8. Do not run around the neighborhood naked, and, in particular, do not run back to the wrong house.

9. Do not probe the guests; Don’t ask people's last names, what they do for a living, or what schools they went to—unless they seem not to mind.

10. Don't hog the bathroom.

Illustration by Ian Moore

11. Do not menstruate. Especially if you are a man.

12. Don’t come without a partner.

13. Don't come with a partner who leaves before the screwing starts.

14. Take your watch off. Better still, don’t wear one.

15. Don't be uptight when someone approaches, dominates, or just plain fucks you.

16. If you can't find a partner of your own, do not call up the host and insist he find you a partner.

17. Do not go into a jealous rage if you find your wife screwing someone else. Just remember that she came with you and she will probably go home with you; after all, that's where all her stuff is.

18. Do not pee on anybody who does not want to be peed on. Or in.

19. Do not fall in love.

20. Do not invite someone you just met to come home with you and live with you.

21. Do not ask anyone to get a divorce.

22. Do not suggest that you can't understand how a lovely woman like the one you are screwing can stay with such a dog of a husband.

23. Do not criticize the wine.

24. Do not say, "All the people here are dogs."

25. Do not threaten to burn down the house if your wife doesn't stop doing whatever she's doing.

26. Try not to put your fist through any doors or windows.

27. Do not have a heart attack or any disease necessitating calling the cops or the hospital.

28. If there's a pool, do not jump in at 6 AM, with an ear-shattering war whoop when everyone else is asleep. Do not drown people and then claim you were "just horsing around."

29. If there is someone famous at the party, do not fuck them and then spend the rest of your life telling everybody about it.

30. Do not go a week without showering and then wonder why people avoid you at a swing.

Illustration by Malika Favre

31. Do not suddenly become reclusive the moment you arrive at a party and go into a corner and curl up and rock back and forth like a schizophrenic.

32. Do not become paranoid and think everybody hates you or is laughing about you. Especially if it is true.

33. Don't touch any male's genitals unless you ask permission first, since most men at these things are not bisexual.

34. Don't be afraid to say hello to people you don't know, and don’t be afraid to fuck them.

35. If you drove eight people to a very rural area for a swing, do not get up at 5 AM and take off just like that and leave them all stranded.

36. Don't hog the pot.

37. Don't call your shrink from the party. Wait till you get home.

38. Don't have any screaming fights with anybody unless they really deserve it.

39. Don't bring all your horny fat friends, uninvited.

40. Do not give everybody the clap.

41. Do not charge for your services. For example, if you are a chiropractor and you happen to crack somebody's neck, do not present them with a bill as they are walking out the door.

42. If the party is racially mixed, it is not absolutely necessary to talk about this; Everybody already knows it. If you must express your prejudices, try to do so in a manner that will not cause the member of the race maligned to punch you out or leave the party.

43. Do not hog the New York Times on Sunday.

44. Do not arrive uninvited at a party unless you are sure you’re something pretty special.

45. Do not steal things.

46. Do not pass out. If you insist upon passing out, have the courtesy to remove yourself from the middle of the bed first.

47. Don't spend the dinner hour fucking—but if you do, don't stomp downstairs afterwards demanding to be fed.

48. If it is late, say, 4 AM, at a party, and you cannot find your wife and everyone’s asleep, do not run around screaming her name hysterically; She will probably turn up in the morning.

49. Do not try to steal anybody's wife; If you borrow one, try to return her within a reasonable period of time.

50. Do not get hysterical or have a nervous breakdown until you get home.

51. If you and your wife decide to get a divorce during a swing, do it quietly and in good taste. Ideally, no one at the party should know about the divorce until the whole thing is a fait accompli.

52. Don't say no to unusual things that could be great—like getting fucked by a big toe, for example.

53. Do not screw outdoors in the sun without first putting lots of suntan oil on your back, if you are a man—or on your knees, if you are a woman.

54. Pitch in and pay your share of the hotel room bill, the food bills, liquor, etc.

55. Do not call other continents without charging it to your home phone.

56. Do not assume that, just because a girl tells you to hit her, she wants you to beat her senseless.

57. Do not bring any nutcases, creeps, or weidos with you.

58. Do not have bad breath.

59. Do not let any pieces of toilet paper stick to your private parts.

60. Have a clean asshole.

61. Do not serve or eat cole slaw, cabbage, or beans.

62. Do not serve or eat asparagus. They have a high sulphur content and it makes going down on you taste like striking a match.

63. Bring foam rubber mattresses.

64. Put your underpants and your socks under your pillow or in your shoes.

65. Don't take out your contact lenses.

66. Cut your fingernails.

67. Don't keep cats, if possible. They make some people wheeze, and you're never quite sure what’s licking you, if you're one of those people who cares.

68. Do not take notes during a swing.

69. Do not write magazine articles about orgies.

If You Don't Follow the Rules

So what happens if you choose not to follow our well-founded advice? A Good Old Fashioned Orgy tells the tale of a would-be enjoyable orgy with far too many faux pas.

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Unrated

A thirty-something party animal decides to throws an orgy at his father's Hamptons pad for one last hurrah. Now he just needs to work through some killjoy friends, a potential romance, and try to finish up before the real estate agent sells the house.


Inside The Life Of A Sex Worker

Inside The Life Of A Sex Worker

Have you ever wondered what life must be like for a legal sex worker? To sell your body to strangers, to fulfil their fantasies and to deal with the stigma of living as a professional in that industry?

Some will tell you it's empowering to women, to use men to get what you want on your own terms. While others will say it's enslaving, turning daughters, sisters and mothers into little more than a tool for sexual gratification. But what's the truth?

The interview is with a legal sex worker, Ruby Rae, who works at The Love Ranch - which is in Northern Nevada and is part of America's Only Legal Red Light District, to pick her brains on the job, the lifestyle and all that goes with it.

First question, how did you get into it and how long have you been doing it for?

So, I started in 2011. I was 20, an undergrad and working at a full-time job. I just realised that I was working too much to be able to focus on school.

I've always known about the legal brothels in Nevada. I just got really curious and I researched them and the idea kind of blossomed from there. I took a really big giant leap of faith and reached out to them.

What exactly are the types of services you offer?

Because I work in a legal brothel, you can pretty much put it out there that, 'hey, if you come here you are going to get a full-service experience'. But for different girls that means different things.

I would say for me, personally, I specialise in 'the girlfriend experience', because I think that just fits my personality as I'm more introverted.

 

https://twitter.com/TheRubyRae/status/951910917872201730

What other types of experiences can you get?

So there's the 'porn star experience' which is a bit more rough and sexual. Then of course you have fetish, role play and also a lot of two-girl bookings.

As you specialise in the girlfriend experience, do the lines ever get blurred between the service and actually developing feelings for the client?

I've never really got too attached to a client. I see them as friends and my lover for the time they're with me. When I started the bigger obstacle was making sure that clients don't get too attached.

Without boundaries, it's not healthy for me or the client.

What would be a red flag?

Asking certain questions about my personal life is inappropriate. I would nip that in the bud pretty quickly. I never want them to feel like I'm leading them on.

It's also really healthy for clients to see a variety of girls, because when you just see one girl for so long, it's really hard for them not to get attached.

Would you ever consider giving it up for someone you met?

Well this won't make me sound like a romantic at all but no. Not at all. I mean who knows, if I met someone and it was my soul-mate then maybe, but I don't really believe in having one soulmate.

How about ambitions for a family?

I always say I don't think I will. If I'm being totally honest, child-birth really scares me. I just see myself as being that really cool aunt, who spoils all of her friends' children. I'm not saying it's completely out of the picture though.

https://twitter.com/TheRubyRae/status/940655107112177665

 

What is the most you've heard a sex worker earn?

It's before I started working at the ranches, but I have heard of one experience on Christmas Day where one guy paid $1.2 million, where he picked seven girls for a week-long experience. So now management always tells us 'just because it's Christmas don't think that nobody will come to spend some money'

What for you are the biggest misconceptions towards the industry and sex work in general?

That we're 'dirty' or 'desperate.' We certainly aren't dirty. At the legal brothel we are tested for STIs every single week and for HIV once a month.

We're also not here because we're desperate. I totally chose to do this. I re-searched it heavily and I knew what I was getting into.

One of the biggest issues sex workers seem to have is being labelled a prostitute. What are the main differences between sex work and prostitution?

People have created a bad stereotype with the word prostitute, especially Hollywood. When they show a prostitute in a movie, usually it's not in a good light. So, when you have things like that thrown up against the word it creates negative connotations and we don't want to be associated with that.

We want to be seen as business women. Women who have chosen to be free and empowered.

You were saying you think it empowers women. Why?

I am empowered by sex work because I have a lot of freedom in my life and my schedule. It would be very hard for me to go and work in corporate America after doing this job.

Of course there's the money. I make a lot more than I would in a corporate job. There's also something really empowering in being able to command a certain price.

What would you say to those who say the industry is degrading for women?

So you basically mean 'radical' feminists who are obviously against prostitution. With feminism, I think that a lot of them think we are contributing to what they call 'violence against women'. They think that by selling our bodies we are contributing to gender inequality.

What I would say to that is that we don't believe that we're selling our bodies. Selling my body, that's slavery. I am definitely not a slave.

I sell my time. I sell my energy. Of course, the physical is a part, but it isn't everything.

The fighting cry of sex workers is that sex work is just that - work. A career option.

A lot of women speaking out about sexual harassment at the moment. Does that exist in the sex industry at all?

A guy wouldn't be too bright to come into a brothel and sexually assault somebody because we are well protected. The sheriffs really have our back.

https://twitter.com/TheRubyRae/status/937137316816195584

What would a client have to do to a sex worker while they're working for it to be considered sexual harassment rather than part of the job?

It's hard to imagine because it's never happened. I guess if I'm with a client it would be them being insistent on performing a service that I have clearly stated I don't provide. I'd consider any attempt sexual assault. If I feel like they're violating my boundaries I wouldn't allow that. I'd end the booking.

We actually have a panic button. So, if a girl starts feeling uncomfortable she can hit it and a really loud, annoying ring goes off. Then the cashier will bust into the room and see what's going on.

Is this a lifetime profession?

I've known a few ladies who definitely made it a career. There's 'Airforce Amy' who works at Bunny Ranch and has been in the business about 20 years or maybe a little longer.

This is definitely a career for me but I say that knowing that people don't stay in one career their whole lives.

I read one time that said the average person has 'seven careers in their lifetime' so this is definitely a big chapter of my life and I don't have any plans to stop at the moment.

 

 

 


Study Finds The Sexual Position Most People Are Scared Of Trying

Study Finds The Sexual Position Most People Are Scared Of Trying

When it comes to sex, even though loads of blag that we're super-confident, I think it's fair to say we're all a bit anxious. Particularly when it comes to sleeping with a new partner, or trying out something new. Now, a new study has looked into exactly what it is that makes us the most anxious.

The study, conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor, asked 500 Europeans and 500 Americans what they found to be the most nerve-wracking part of getting it on, and some of the results are a bit surprising to be honest.

Firstly, the sexual position that was deemed the most anxiety-inducing across the board, was 69-standing position - with over 42 percent of fellas and 56.8 percent of women saying the thought of giving this a go is enough to make them panic.

via GIPHY

This was followed by anal, with 54.6 percent of women saying they would feel uncomfortable doing it, and 30.5 percent of men.

The kneeling wheelbarrow, which, not going to lie, is making me feel exhausted just thinking about it, came in third as the sex position people would feel least comfortable trying - with 18.6 percent of men and 24.8 per cent of women citing it.

Completely unsurprisingly, the least-stressful positions were missionary, doggy-style and cowgirl. When it comes to the position that men and women think is the most pleasurable for both parties - reverse cowgirl came out on top, so to speak.

via GIPHY

The study also found that compared to our friends in the US, European guys were more anxious about masturbating, oral sex and dirty sex. However, Europeans were DTF in public more readily than people from the US.

Of those asked, trying out new sex acts - such as going all 50 Shades of Grey with some bondage - was deemed to be the most nerve-wracking, followed by trying out sex toys together and lastly trying out new sex positions.

via GIPHY

Despite all the worry mentioned above, a whopping 87 percent of participants in the study said they reckon their relationship is 'slightly to moderately adventurous'. But, almost nine percent didn't consider themselves sexually adventurous at all, which is sad, isn't it?

 

 


7 Things Women Think About While Giving Head

7 Things Women Think About While Giving Head

The art of fellatio can be a daunting, redundant, and sometimes difficult job, a job not for the easily gagged or weakened jaw. Combine that with a woman’s inability to relax and you have quite a humorous adventure on your hands. While giving head doesn’t seem to be rocket science, even the most seasoned blowers admit to having a doubt or two when face to face with the one-eyed monster.

I already gave you an inside look at what crosses a woman’s mind while receiving oral, but now it’s time to examine the flip side. Here are the most common things women think while giving head.

Please let him be manscaped.

The last thing a woman wants when she is giving head is a face full of bush, because we all know the bigger the bush, the better chance of loose hairs. I apologize if I just made you gag, in my defense I did too. Don’t me wrong, I know men face this exact fear when heading south on a chick, but when it comes to tolerance of all things yucky and gross, women have a much lower threshold. So you can just imagine when her mouth is chock full o’ cock and a pesky little pube gets caught in her tracheal or worse, her teeth, that the only gagging she’ll be doing is from her vomit and not from deep throating.

What am I going to do with his balls?

Unless you’re a ball sack lover, most women are going to question their interaction with his balls. Thoughts of, “Am I touching them at all? Should I massage them or at least give them a little tug? Fuck, I really don’t want to lick them. Did he just ask me to suck on them?” Men’s nuts are a scary thing and while they can easily be ignored the first few blowjobs, eventually you’re going to have to face the music (the music being his sack). I suggest experimenting a little before setting a “NO BALL PLAY” law into action. See what you can handle and listen to what he likes, chances are if you hear him moaning and groaning like a sex-induced zombie, you won’t mind the fact that he is tea bagging your face.

Why the hell is my mouth making so much noise?

Photo via Toilet Paper Magazine

Ok, not to get to personal here, but the first few times I got on my knees I kept thinking, “Why the fuck is my mouth making so much noise. I don’t sound like this when I’m eating a Tootsie Pop, do I?” The sounds of slipping, slurping, and popping were so deafening (to me) that I was unable to concentrate on the task at hand, resulting in a very confusing and unfinished blowjob. I later found out that men rather enjoy these noises. To them, it’s like listening to the sound track of love, full of saliva violins and penis trumpets.

I sincerely hope he doesn’t expect any ass play.

While it is said there is no greater pleasure than a prostate massage, many men consider this area a NO FLY zone. Unless he grabs your finger and literally sticks it in his ass, I wouldn’t worry about it so much. Diving into ass play is definitely something to be discussed prior to play time, but if you’re in the heat of the moment and feel a strong urge to cork him with your pinky, try exploring the surrounding areas first to gauge his reaction. You will know rather quickly whether he is down for a game of Hole in One.

Should I be making more eye contact?

Photo by Wallace Berman

Thanks to porno’s everywhere, men expect women to be as eager as Jenna Jameson when it comes to sucking them off. As if we didn’t already have enough to do with the stroking, licking, and tugging, now you want me to look at you while your balls deep and look sexy while doing so? Yeah, fucking right! I am not saying an occasional glance upstairs isn’t possible, but if you think I can watch you the whole time without poking my eye out with your cock then you’re crazy son. My advice, when you get a chance ladies, throw him a batted eyelash or two, but don’t get too carried away resulting in an awkward stare down that resembles more of a blinking contest than an actual blowjob.

Why the hell is this taking so long?

Ahhhh, the never-ending blowjob. What was supposed to be a quick treat for your man has turned into a 20-minute workout leaving your mouth dry, jaw exhausted, and neck muscles burning. The first few minutes should be rather enjoyable, teasing him and showing off all your nifty dick-lickin tricks, but after a while, your mind begins to wander. “I thought this blowjob was just to get him hard and ready for sex. Is he planning on coming now and again when we have sex? That’s fine if he wants to come, but just fucking do it already, jeez.” Unfortunately, for women and our over-active brains, once a certain time passes of us doing the same thing whether it be riding a bike, riding a dick, or sucking one, eventually our thoughts stray elsewhere.

Last but not least, to spit or to swallow.

There is so much pressure when it comes to the final resting place of a man’s ejaculation. In her mouth, on her face, on her tits, or in her ass, the options are endless. So it is no surprise that when women are mid-blowy we question where his sperm will end up. “Should I swallow this time? Does he deserve for me to swallow? Maybe he drank pineapple juice then it will taste sweet. Please Lord I hope he didn’t have asparagus because if pee smells that bad after eating it I can only imagine what jizz will taste like.” Like all things manly and macho, men love when a woman swallows rather than spits. I can just hear them saying, “Me likey when woman drink me sperm.” Whatever the reason is and whichever method you choose, I can assure you your man is happy just by having his dick in your mouth.


Amber Rose Loves Sex So Much She’s Going To Sell It

Amber Rose Loves Sex So Much She’s Going To Sell It

Amber Rose has turned being Kanye West’s girlfriend into her own talk show, an appearance on Dancing with the Stars, and now, a sex empire.

According to Page Six, Rose filed for the trademark Muva and Muva’s House.

Muva was registered for, “electric massage appliances, namely, electric vibrating massager; inflatable life­ sized dolls used in sexual activity; sex toys; sex toys in the nature of edible underwear; adult sexual stimulation aids, namely, artificial penises, penis enlargers, vibrators, benwa balls and artificial vaginas,” while Muva’s House was registered for “entertainment services in the nature of live dancers, musicians, singers and comedians performances; night club services; night clubs.”

Go to Muva’s House where you can play with a bunch of Muva’s.

Shout to Amber Rose for being a boss. Instead of making her own sex tape and selling it, she wanted to help people across the world by getting them laid with sex dolls and such. This is how you profit off of sex and keep your dignity. Not that there’s anything wrong with sex tapes. Just, it’s a bad look if that’s the only reason you’re famous.

It’s unknown when Muva and Muva’s House will debut, but I’d venture it’ll be around June 9.

See what I did there? You see it.

In other Amber Rose news, her ex-husband and baby daddy Wiz Khalifa had some things to say about her.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BdkpHyKjjRN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_legacy

The freestyle is trash, but I’m convinced that Amber Rose is the dopest person on earth. Kanye and Wiz never have a bad thing to say about her. She’s the first person in history to be liked by two rappers after a breakup.

Keep doing you, Amber. I’ma buy all those edible underwear just to support.


Men Confess What They Really Think About The #MeToo Movement

Men Confess What They Really Think About The #MeToo Movement

With all the recent sexual harassment claims against many men in power, the #metoo hashtag is on everyone's radar. Most people know someone who's publicly posted their own account, or unfortunately has done so themselves. The response to this movement is unbelievable and powerful. The majority of people speaking out are women. The majority of people being accused of harassment are men. it leaves many of us wondering, how do men feel about this movement? These men have spoken up and now we know how they really feel about it.

 


7 Things Women Think About While Receiving Oral Sex

7 Things Women Think About While Receiving Oral Sex

Oral sex out is one of the greatest sexual pleasures of all time. Having a someone between your legs, while you pull their hair and claw at the sheets is what every woman wants, isn’t it? Sure it is, but unlike men who can shut down their brain and become sex driven idiots who barely know their name, women aren’t always so lucky. Unless you’re anticipating the act and rightfully prepared to be spread, licked, and poked, the act of having a man go down on you isn’t always glamorous.

We are talking about a part of our bodies that was created to birth children, an organ that releases eggs monthly, an entry hidden by tight lace and floss-like thongs. This is no penis, swinging around freely in a pair of cotton boxers, removed only to piss or get hard. Day to day a vagina changes, making them as complicated as the women they belong to.

So it is no wonder that when a man starts to head south, a woman tenses with fear. Even after a shower and fresh wax or shave, thoughts of doubt and insecurity cross our minds, especially if it is with a new partner. Don’t get me wrong, oral sex feels amazing and can provide some of the world’s best clitoral orgasms, but that doesn’t change the fact that initially or eventually, questions of uncertainty cross our minds.

Here are just a few of the thoughts that cross a woman’s mind when her partner goes down on her.

Do I smell/taste okay?

It only makes sense that this thought is first on the list; it is the most dreaded fear of all vagina owners. I mean women worry about their ass jiggle and waist size while walking down the street so it is only normal that we worry about our vajeen while a man is nose deep in it. While every woman has her own signature scent and flavor, what may be mere perfection for one, may be a total boner killer for another. Both men and women can admit to this concern especially after a drunken night in a sweaty club, because really who smells like lavender and fresh linen after that shit? Regardless of the activities prior to “the meal” every chick occupies those first few moments wondering if he likes it.

Did I shave well enough, did I miss a spot?

The bush, the landing strip, the bare as a baby; these are all options when it comes to pubic upkeep. Unfortunately, if a woman chooses to take this task on herself, she isn’t always guaranteed a shave job well done. Not to mention the fact that half the areas we have to shave are done through touch and luck. You try taking a razor to one of the most sensitive places on your body without being able to see, it’s like playing Russian roulette with a Bic. Therefore, it only makes sense that when our lover descends south that we worry if we missed a spot, or two.

Do I have to return the favor?

I don’t care what a woman says, during this sensual sex act the thought of, “Does this mean I have to blow him” crosses her mind. Now while I don’t mind a good tit for tat when it comes to oral, not all women feel the same. Of course, there is no written rule to this exchange but in defense, I’ve got to say, if you want them to go down on you then you should absolutely be okay with returning the favor. I’m not saying immediately following, but somewhere in the near future would be nice. We all have gag reflexes bitches, so suck it up (literally) and take one for the team.

Are they going to want to make out after this?

Ahhh, the infamous kissing-after-eating conundrum AKA do I want to taste my own Jamba Juice flavor. I mean listen, if they try to kiss you without a good wipe to the mouth, I can see how that can be a little gross, I mean who wants to kiss someone covered in saliva and juices, but I see no reason why one should steer clear of a kiss if proper clean up is taken. When you’re in a moment that is so hot and intense, your lover is pleasing you, and teasing you to no end, by trying to stop that kiss could seriously put a damper on things. However, if you really can’t handle it try going in for his neck and lobes or redirecting his mouth to yours.

Why are they so damn good at this?

Women love to over think shit. I can almost guarantee that every blowjob known to man never involved a dude questioning why the girl on her knees was so good at sucking dick. Maybe later on in a relationship, sure, but mid-blow, fuck no. However, women love to question every aspect of life and that includes the talent of their current partners pussy eating skills. “Do they eat pussy all the time?” “Is this why they make dental dams?” “Who the fuck actually owns a dental dam?”

When will they stop and just fuck me already?

I love a good chow sesh as much as the next chick, but sometimes (more often than I’ll admit) I just want to be fucked. I get it, you’re doing the right thing by giving us personal attention and preparing our body’s for what’s to come, but sometimes a quick lick and blow is all we need. Some sexual moments, especially really horny “must have you now” moments, women strictly desire penetration. Headboard shaking, wall banging, ass slapping kind of penetration.

Did I unplug my flatiron?

Okay maybe she isn’t thinking about her flatiron specifically, but chances are during some portion of her eat out session, she experiences a flash of anxiety. Whether it be if she forgot to unplug her iron or if she remembered to take her clothes out of the washing machine, whenever a woman has a free second, responsibilities and worries will cross her mind. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had sex and wrote my mental grocery list at the same time. Sorry babe, I’m a busy girl in a hectic world.


Scottish Woman Pleads Guilty To Filming Herself In Sex Acts With Her Dog

Scottish Woman Pleads Guilty To Filming Herself In Sex Acts With Her Dog

When I google my name, I’m happy to see that several stand-up comedy videos and links to my articles pop up. As a comedian and writer, that’s what I’m hoping people searching for me will see.

As for Suzy Cairns? Well, if she actually wants people to know that she’s into having sexual relations with her pet dog, she has succeeded and then some.

Scottish Woman Pleads Guilty To Filming Herself In Sex Acts With Her Dog

According to Fox News, the 39-year-old Scottish woman pleaded guilty this week to two counts of possessing pornography. That porno collection? You guessed it – videos of her engaged in a “sex act involving her pet dog and whipped cream” and “sickening child pornography photos.”

https://twitter.com/CapaMag/status/950811914577129473

Authorities were first alerted to Cairns’s shitdickery after her internet IP address was “discovered trying to access indecent images of children” in March. Police then found more than 160 porn pics of kids on her phone.

For whatever reason, the yellow Labrador retriever that Cairns decided to have hump time will remain in her possession until she is sentenced on February 9, but the good news is that she has already been added to Scotland’s sex offenders’ list, and officials there are asking the court to “assess her for electronic monitoring.”

Let’s hope part of that sentencing next month involves finding a home for the pup where people want to play with it the way it’s supposed to be played with.

 


Your Sex Life Is About to Get Hotter With Blockchain - Or Maybe Not

Your Sex Life Is About to Get Hotter With Blockchain - Or Maybe Not

What’s hotter than picking a girl up at a bar, heading home, tearing through each other’s clothes like a hungry animal and doing it? Filling in your likes and dislikes on an app and telling the other person to swipe left or right on each of them to verify consent before taking your clothes off and awkwardly looking at each other while wondering what to do next. So hot!

Blockchain company LegalThings is creating an app called LegalFling which aims to allow partners to tell each other what they are and aren’t comfortable doing. So if they swiped left at butt stuff, don’t even try to slip it in there. The info will be put on the blockchain which is decentralized which means no one can alter the contract.

Naturally, it doesn’t take into account into the fact people can change their minds in the middle of sex but whatever. It’s 2018. It’s all about the blockchain now. Who cares that there’s so many questions left unanswered. Blockchain! Crypto! This app sounds less sexy than putting honey on your dick and swinging it around in a bear’s den, but I’m sure the buzzwords will get these guys a $5 million valuation.

 


Alabama Man Accused Of Sexually Molesting A Horse

Alabama Man Accused Of Sexually Molesting A Horse

If you’re friends with Daniel Bennett of Irvington, Alabama, do the guy a solid and buy him an Xbox.

According to Fox News, the 18-year-old man has allegedly been spending his free time “repeatedly sexually molesting a horse” at a nearby farm, and naturally, the horse’s owners are sick and tired of it.

The last time around, Francine Janes and her husband, who was armed with a gun, found Bennett hiding in a barn stall, and when they asked him what the hell he was doing there, he allegedly said he “likes horses” and wanted to “pet the horse.”

Well, maybe the definition of “pet” in Alabama is different than the one I learned because Bennett was found in a trench coat with a “burglar’s tool” inside. And while that’s seems rather odd, it’s nowhere close to other things Janes and her husband have found after Bennett allegedly went to town on one of their horses named Polly “multiple” times in December alone.

“I would say seven maybe 10 times,” Janes said. “Toilet paper had been left. The hay stacks had been removed. Items had been turned over. And that’s as far as I want to go.”

It’s unknown exactly what Bennett did to Polly, but his arrest warrant lists his crime of bestiality as a misdemeanor and claims he “engaged in or submitted to any sexual contact with an animal, to-wit: a horse,” so you know it was pretty fucking gross.

 


6 Firefighters Accused Of Gang-Raping A 17 Year Old Girl And Posting The Video Online

6 Firefighters Accused Of Gang-Raping A 17 Year Old Girl And Posting The Video Online

Six volunteer firefighters in Virginia, including two department leaders, accused of allegedly gang-raping a 17-year-old girl and then posting video of it on social media have been charged in connection with the case, Virginia State Police confirmed on Tuesday.Police have charged 26-year-old Nathan Hirschberg, 24-year-old Andrew Key, 36-year-old Dale King, 21-year-old Bradly Marlin, 32-year-old Christopher Pangle and 25-year-old Fabian Sosa with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The misdemeanor could bring up to 12 months in jail and/or $2,500 in fines.

 


16 Famous People Who Probably Died As Virgins

16 Famous People Who Probably Died As Virgins

This list of famous people who probably died as virgins is loosely ranked by fame and popularity. Several famous people throughout history likely died without ever having sex. Some of these famous figures chose to remain virgins because of religious devotions, while others were born with severe ailments that prevented them from having sex. Still others just thought sex would distract them from their careers.

Who is the most famous person who likely died a virgin? Although he was married to Eva Braun, many people suspect that Adolf Hitler died a virgin. He was rumored to have never slept with his wife and it is believed that he was a bisexual. He did contract syphilis at some point, so it is possible that he may have had some sort of sexual experience. Other historical figures rumored to have died virgins include Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, and Mother Teresa.Are you surprised this many famous and notable people died as virgins? Share your thoughts in the comments section.


8 Lesbian Myths Uncovered

8 Lesbian Myths Uncovered

 

According to a portion of our intelligent society, lesbians are really robots who are programmed to think, look, and act the same. These lethal and contagious gay-bots are traveling the world stealing men’s wives, shaving their heads, and turning them… gay! Okay, I might be embellishing their theory a bit, but at the end of the day what’s the difference, ignorance is ignorance. To anyone who believes that gay women are any different than hetero women (aside from who they are attracted to) or that any of the below myths are true, then please contact me. I will immediately start a GoFundMe account to raise money for your stupid ass to get an education. I may even throw in a free flogging while we’re at it.

via Porn Hub

Apparently the country is obsessed with lesbian step moms. More specifically the east and west coast spend a great deal of time searching for lesbians online. Whether it is Orange is The New Black or the CW's sci-fi hit The 100, lesbians are the new stars of sexual fantasies for the average American web surfer. Perhaps the reality is not so surprising when viewed through the prism of human sexual evolution. Most scholars speculate that the simple reason lesbians were a less popular subject than homosexual men, was timing. Up until the 20th century, men were the dominant in every medium from books to film, women were secondary. In the workforce men were valued differently than women. In government, it was men who decided the fate of their constituents. Up until the 20th century, women barely had a voice. So don't be surprised by the popularity of lesbianism. The women of the world are just getting going. Viva lesbianism.

Lesbians stop getting their periods.

That’s right folks, there are people strolling your local streets who seriously believe that once a woman announces she is gay that she will then stop getting her monthly period. And no, I am not referring to people under the age of 12, these are grown adults making these assumptions. Honestly, I don’t even have any witty commentary to fire back because my brain will literally not allow me to respond to such absurd rubbish. Unless a female has issues with her ovaries, is experiencing menopause, or is an Olympic athlete, then she will continue to menstruate like every other woman, gay or not.

Lesbians love threesomes.

Lesbians love threesomes. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that a man came up with this one. Thanks to shitty porn and underactive imaginations, when some men see a gay female couple they automatically assume that the two women want to partake in an orgy, specifically with a man (and hopefully with him). Wheeooo wheeooo, you hear that? That’s the sound of the ASSHOLE ALARM. ALERT ALERT YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!

Lesbians all hate men.

I love the theory that all lesbians hate men. Is the basis of their hatred stemmed from jealousy over wanting the same sex? Is it that all gay women hate men because they are smelly pompous pigs with hairy balls? Whatever the reason, let me assure you they are wrong. Lesbians are women, women are humans, and just like any other human, their hate is based on a case by case basis. Most likely if a gay woman doesn’t like a particular man it’s because he is a stupid jerkface and no one really likes him except his mother. Wow, it sounds like I hate men, huh? Oh my god, does that mean I am a lesbian? I must have caught it from that girl in Target who had on a flannel shirt and work boots. Damn it!

Butch lesbians need a lipstick lesbian.

In a relationship, one of the women must be “manly”. Ah ha, so now not only do people think lesbians hate men, but now they are also saying they want to be men. Make up your mind you ill-informed fools! Yes, there are different types of lesbians including the stereotypical terms, “butch” and “lipstick lesbo” but just because a woman has a certain style about herself does not mean she wants to be a man. Just because a chick may like to wear a strap-on every now and again does not mean she wants a real dick swinging between her legs.

Lesbian are not religious.

Yes, it is true that many religions look at homosexuality as a sin, but that does not mean that gay women don’t have faith or believe in God. In fact, there are many churches that welcome and accept all people just the way God made them. Amen, hallelujah.

Lesbians fuck like porn stars.

They all have sex like lesbian porn stars. I hate to pick on the men again (not really) but it’s hard to imagine that a male didn’t come up with this brilliant philosophy. I mean seriously, so you’re saying homosexual women are born with a porn star gene? Are they are designed to like G-string tan lines, fake tits, and waxed assholes? Is it in their blood to moan and groan and roll around like an award winning actress when climaxing? Do they have no choice but to eat pussy like a cat lapping at its kin? Um, no. You know who has sex like a porn star? A fucking porn star.

Lesbians promote lesbianism.

Gay women live, breathe, and promote lesbianism. If you think all lesbian’s run around preaching and singing, “I’m proud to be a lesbian, and I think you should be too” then once again you are about as smart as a rock. Sure, some homosexuals will stand up and defend their life, just as millions of others do who believe in equality and rights. Untwist your inconsiderate panties and relax because I promise you they are not trying to persuade you or your girlfriend to cross over to the gay side. And if they are you should be grateful for the compliment.

Lesbians only scissor.

Lesbians don’t have actual “sex”. If your only definition of sex is penis entering vagina, then yes you are correct, lesbians do not have sex. However, if your brain allows you to see more than black and white than you can acknowledge there are other ways to have sex. Try replacing a penis with a dildo or rubbing two extremely sensitive body parts together, both not only feel amazing but also provide intimacy and orgasms (if they do it right). I don’t want to go into too much detail because personally, I think it is totally cool that no one really knows how two women have sex unless they try it. I mean how erotic is that, partaking in something that feels so good and yet remains a mystery to the rest of world.

 

 


Florida Teacher Arrested For Classroom Sex Encounters With Student

Florida Teacher Arrested For Classroom Sex Encounters With Student

It’s been a while since we’ve talked about a teacher hooking up with a student, right? WRONG, BUT HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Costadoni, the head of the language arts department at Miami Arts Charter School, was recently arrested on charges of having sex with a student since he was 15-years-old. The student, now 17-years-old, told the police everything was consensual. But Costadoni was still put in handcuffs and charged with lewd and lascivious battery on a child younger than 16 and with having sex with a minor.

According to police, Costadoni and the student at Miami Arts Charter School began their sexual relationship two years ago. The male student told police they had sex four times in Costadoni’s home, on “many different occasions” at the Wynwood school and in the teacher’s car.

The arrest report says police were informed about the sexual relations in October. It isn’t clear why Costadoni was arrested Monday. Attempts to reach Costadoni by phone Monday failed. For the past seven years she has taught at Miami Arts Charter, working her way up through the English department in its middle and high schools.

It isn’t confirmed if Costadoni has lost her job, but let’s all just assume that having sex in a classroom with a student is grounds for termination.


13 Real Life Sex Things That Are Never Found In Porn

13 Real Life Sex Things That Are Never Found In Porn

 

Porn is good as hell but is it possible it is...unrealistic? The jury's out, but intel from this r/askreddit thread asserts strongly that it indeed is. Here are some of the sweet ass sex things that pretty much every porn misses.

1.  Sneezyowl injecting Pornhub with a little more ~realism~

Asking if she locked the door, getting down to business then hearing the children ask for you. You yell that you are discussing Christmas presents and they need to go back to watching Disney Jr. 2 minutes later kids are pounding on the door but it's been days since you and your wife have had any time together so you power through. You progress to an advanced missionary position where you each cover your partners ears as to not hear the kids begging for a snack they could easily get themselves. She is quietly mouthing dirty words to keep you excited yet the children's cries for Doritos are not only distracting but also making you want Doritos. Neither of you can keep a straight face as the children start asking questions about what's taking so long.

2. Sorry! Sorry! You good? Via opus_4_vp

Putting my hand on the pillow next to her head for stability and her yelling for me to Get Off Her Hair!

3. Everyone's always also got a massive gorgeously decorated master bedroom, MobileTechGuy

Squeaky bed springs

4. beeps-n-boops is right, it just can't be comfortable. Take em off, stay a while

Women taking their shoes off.

Not only do I find the number of women who leave their shoes -- not socks, but fucking shoes -- on in porn to be unbelievably unrealistic, but it's also a complete turnoff for me.

I'm not even really a foot guy, but I want to see them at least. Who the fuck leaves their shoes on in bed??? And you have to go to extra effort to take off your clothes but leave your shoes on...

5. No better sex than hydrated sex. From Doctor-Van-Nostrand

Stopping in the middle to chug some water

6. Aaaaaaaandimdone droppin the truth bomb: sometimes sex is disappointing

The worst thing ever is when he finds that sweet spot after like 10 minutes and you're like "okay don't move don't move just keep doing that" but you can see on his face that zero hour is four seconds away.

7. Wait but seriously did you cum? Via WhatTheChef

asking the woman if they came

8. I could get into a 'Perceptive and Compassionate' Pornhub category, Tivia

When about 10 minutes in you both realize orgasm isn't going to happen, but you keep trying for another 10 out of sheer stubbornness. After that one person finally speaks up and the other goes "Oh good it isn't just me, I was just trying to get you there". This ends in a brief cleanup and usually watching TV/cuddling.

9. diegojones4 has a point here. Most porn just jumpcuts to the next position, you KNOW these people are accidentally donking each other when they swap how could they not

 

 

The accidental elbow to the head when changing positions.

10. The world is ready for incest porn but for some reason not this, yesacabbagez

We were having sex and she says "oh god stop stop stop". I stopped and asked what. She let loose the most comical sound effect sounding fart I have ever heard. I had to look her square in the eyes and fart to re-establish dominance. Went back to fucking.

11. When ya gotta go, you gotta go, _LightlyToasted_

foreplay ensues

"Oh one sec I just have to pee first"

Cheers babe I'll wait, my fleeting erection will keep me company

12. Comfortability with one another is the sexiest thing of all, picksandchooses

She pulls one leg out of her ratty flannel pajamas and says "Okay, but just hurry up. I have a busy day at work tomorrow."

13. Not all sex needs to be moaning and choke me daddies, everyone. From stink3rbelle

Laughter


Male Sex Robots With Bionic Penises Could Be Here To Make Us All Feel Inadequate

Male Sex Robots With Bionic Penises Could Be Here To Make Us All Feel Inadequate

Sex robots have been on the cards for some time now. Science fiction writers have played with the idea of humping androids for decades, but here in 2018, their nerdy fantasies are unsettlingly close to coming to fruition.

Traditionally, the idea has revolved almost exclusively around female sex dolls, leaving some critics asking whether sex with lady bots could eventually replace the real thing.

However, now it looks as though the men may be in for some... stiff... competition of their own.

Matt McMullen, the guy behind RealDoll and subsequently Realbotics, has announced that he reckons male sex dolls, complete with bionic knobs, will be rolled out later this year.


Credit: RealDoll

The sex robotics pioneer, who is also in charge of the world's most popular super-lifelike sex doll company, says the male versions will follow in the footsteps of the similar female sex robots that dropped last year.

Harmony was the name assigned to an app and a female robotic head which worked in unison to facilitate something resembling intelligence.

Admittedly, Harmony still has an extremely long way to go before becoming anything near convincing, but it's definitely heading in that direction.

As it stands there are only female versions of Harmony, and they weigh in at around £11,000 ($14,800), but Matt is adamant that there is a demand for male options, too.

"We're working on a male version of the robot AI," he told Daily Star Online.

"We'll eventually have a male and a female platform available."

Matt says the male robots will be able to be plugged in and go for as long as the user desires. He also says the size of each automaton's penis will vary, covering the entire spectrum of potential dick shapes and sizes.


Credit: RealDoll

However, he also reckons that there's much work to be done in order to turn his weird vision into a reality.

"There's rebuilding that needs to happen on both fronts to create a male platform," he said.

"We're working hard on that and that's one of the next big things we're looking to get up and running."

World leading AI researcher Dr David Levy told the Daily Star Online that if Matt is successful in his mission, male erotic cyborgs could even prove more popular than current sex toys such as vibrators and dildos.

He said: "I'm sure women will find robots equally appealing as men.

"If women are that interested in getting satisfaction from a vibrator, imagine how the same women will feel having a robot they can put their arms round and having the robot squeeze them."

What a time to be alive.

 

 

 


Guy Stabbed After Woman Takes Him To Her Ex's House To Have Sex

Guy Stabbed After Woman Takes Him To Her Ex's House To Have Sex

 

 

Dressed up couple knocking at their friends door.

This is quite the bizarre story, so try and keep up.

It a’ll kicked off when the unidentified victim met a woman at the The Albert Hotel in Hull. After talking, the pair decided to head out together as, according to defending lawyer Paul Genney, they “were desperate to find somewhere together, to be together, presumably with the act of sexual intercourse in mind.”

While they first tried hooking up in the woman’s house, her mother did not want the guy there, so she suggested quite the second option: her ex’s house. Here’s how prosecutor Matthew Burdon explains it:

“She suggested going back to her ex-boyfriend’s and said he [Jae McManus] would not be present. [The victim] acknowledges with the benefit of hindsight it was not the most sensible decision. The girl began knocking on this defendant’s front door and shouting his name.”

And guess what? Jae McManus opened the door and all hell broke loose.

At this point, it seems, the ex-boyfriend asked who was at the door, at which point the woman explained it was her and her prospective new partner. The defendant then opened the door holding a knife with a five inch blade. The other man, sensing danger, did back away at that point, but as he ran down the steps he heard McManus yell Fuck off,” and “felt a prod to his back but didn’t stop, carried on running and left the building'”

It was only once he was outside that the victim realized he’d been injured. A passer-by helped him and he was taken to Hull Royal Infirmary where he had three stitches and was kept overnight for observation.

McManus was then arrested at 4am. According to the prosecutor, he agreed the complainant had come to his address with [his ex-girlfriend] and agreed when he opened the door “he had a knife in his hand.” He said he was then attacked by the complainant.

The 26-year-old McManus – who had 28 previous offenses on his record – pleaded guilty to possession of cannabis but denied wounding with intent. McManus did admit wounding, which prosecutors accepted. He was sentenced by the judge to 15 months and six weeks in jail.

Here’s what the judge had to say about all this:

“He was obviously incensed at this; his ex-girlfriend turns up with the new lover for the purposes of intimacy. I can’t imagine a more unwise course of action on the part of the two who were wishing to have intimacy, going to the home of a former partner. It’s a recipe for disaster.

You were entitled to be incensed by what happened that evening; you were not, and I emphasis this, not entitled to act as you did.”

 


Teacher Had Year-Long Affairs With Two Students Claims All 9 Counts Against Her Are ‘Fake News’

Teacher Had Year-Long Affairs With Two Students Claims All 9 Counts Against Her Are ‘Fake News’

 Nobody likes fake news! But nobody also likes someone who gets caught with a 14-year-old and 16-year-old student… Another day and yet another story where I am letting off the post with this sentence: Another teacher has been caught, arrested, and faces punishment for, you guessed it! Sleeping with a student.

This time it was two separate ones for a long period of time!

Female teacher at Maysville Local Schools in Zanesville, Ohio has pleaded not guilty to nine counts of sexual battery against two male students.

Darci L. Lake, 23, appeared in court Wednesday in Muskingum County Common Pleas Court for arraignment.

The former full-time substitute teacher, who was 22-years-old when the offenses began, faces a maximum potential of five years in prison for each of the nine counts, reported the Times Recorder.

Both victims were students – one was 16-years-old and turned 17, and the other was 14-years-old and turned 15.

Lake, who is a 2012 graduate of Maysville High School​, was arrested on December 21 on allegations of having a sexual relationship​ with two underage male students.

Seven of the nine counts listed in her indictment​ occurred between February 1, 2017 and November 1, 2017.

The other two counts occurred between March 1, 2017, and August 31, 2017.

Common Pleas Judge Mark Fleegle continued her bond at $200,000.

Lake is no longer contracted with Maysville after Barrie Howell, president of Renhill Group, wrote in an email that she had been dismissed from the company.

Lake appeared in court Wednesday in Muskingum County Common Pleas Court for arraignment where she faces a maximum potential of five years in prison for each of the nine counts


What Sex Was Like In The Wild West

What Sex Was Like In The Wild West

Society has a certain image of the Old West. Though we look back and picture cowboys wandering the wild frontier, guns on both hips, we tend not to wonder what sex was like in the American West. There appears to be good reason for that, as Wild West sex facts are more scarce than you would imagine. Even in a time when prostitution was a staple in almost every town and city, people still didn't talk openly about what they liked to do in the bedroom. This surely owes, in part, to the puritanical nature of American settlers.

Even though it was a taboo topic, there are a few fascinating tidbits relating to stripping down and doing the naughty naked tango in the Old West. Whether it be how men liked to dress up like women or that oral sex was a little too French for most (Francophiles raise your hands), this list below highlights all the interesting facts about sex in the Wild West. Check out the list and see what American west sex facts titillate you the most.

 


Flier Accused Of Sexual Assault While Wife Seated Next To Him

Flier Accused Of Sexual Assault While Wife Seated Next To Him

A 34-year-old man was arrested Wednesday for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman sitting next to him on a flight while his wife sat on the other side of him, the Washington Post reports. The Detroit Free Press, citing the criminal complaint, reports a 22-year-old woman sleeping next to the window on an early morning Spirit Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Detroit says she woke up "to a hand in her pants and noticed that her pants and shirt were unbuttoned." The woman says the man sitting in the seat next to her had his fingers in her vagina but removed them when he saw she was awake. She went to flight attendants, who say she "appeared visibly upset and was crying."

The man, identified as 34-year-old Prabhu Ramamoorthy, was arrested when the flight landed. In an initial written statement, he allegedly said he had taken a pill and fallen into a "deep sleep" during the flight. His wife, who was sitting on the other side of him, corroborated his story, saying the woman fell asleep on her husband's knees. But a federal prosecutor notes Ramamoorthy gave "conflicting reports" regarding the incident. He later allegedly admitted the pill he took was "plain Tylenol" and told an FBI agent he was playing with the woman's bra and "might have" unhooked it. He also allegedly admitted to groping her breast over her clothing and putting his finger in her pants, though not in her vagina. Ramamoorthy, an Indian national living in the US on a temporary visa, was charged with aggravated sexual abuse. The AP reports he's due back in court Jan. 17.


12 Internet Horndogs Who Definitely Make Sex On The Reg

12 Internet Horndogs Who Definitely Make Sex On The Reg

Have you ever seen such virile studs before in your LIFE?

I bet these guys go out and get to have boners like at least six days a week and we gotta say, that's impressive.

Or, maybe they just paint the nails on their right hand and call it Julie and say they have sex all the time, but we know better.

 

 

 


This Guy Has To Tell Police When He's Going To Have Sex

This Guy Has To Tell Police When He's Going To Have Sex -

Getting someone to agree to flop around naked with you is difficult enough, but now Jonathan Garner has to inform police when he wants to hang out and have a good old naked time with someone.

Under the terms of a new court order, the 24-year-old must inform local officers in Humberside he if begins a new romantic relationship that gets intimate. This part of a sentence that also saw Garner jailed for six months as well as being handed the five year Criminal Behavior Order after he was found guilty of harassment.

Garner repeatedly attacked the victim’s home and threatened her. Here’s what the court order states:

“The defendant must inform his local police station station of the details of any address at which he lives/resides for longer than 28 consecutive days. The defendant must inform his local police station of the name of any new partner within 14 days of commencing an intimate relationship.”

Garner denied the charges but this punishment was still handed out. Perhaps I don’t have my head stuck in the news long enough but this is the first I’m hearing of a criminal having to tell the cops when he’s aiming to start an intimate relationship. But the cops wouldn’t need Garner to tell them if this was Minority Report.

 


Police Chief Charged With Seeking Sex From Agent Posing As 14-Year-Old Girl

Police Chief Charged With Seeking Sex From Agent Posing As 14-Year-Old Girl

 The police chief of Leechburg is being charged with felony counts of underage solicitation; KDKA's Paul Martino reports.


26 SEX TIPS THAT MIGHT HELP YOU 'GET SOME'

26 SEX TIPS THAT MIGHT HELP YOU 'GET SOME'

“My dad is a union painter, he always used to tell a joke that goes “Do you know why women love painters? Because we know it’s 90% prep, 10% finishing with long smooth strokes.”. Works for both painting a room flawlessly and satisfying a woman.”

“Sister-in-law told us to ditch the PJs and sleep naked. Frequency of sex increased almost immediately.”

“Sometimes you gonna bust in 2 pumps but don’t act ashamed and do your best to give you both a good time even if it happens. Also, comfort with a person makes your sex better. Both from dad, idk why he brought it up was kinda random at the time. But both have held true. I’ve came early twice, once I acted embarrassed the other time I laughed it off and kept going by other means, the latter was a positive experience, the former was not.”

“If you look hungry, you’re going to starve. Told to me by my older cousin when I started college”

“My sister told me to keep baby wipes next to the bed for the cleanup. It works so much better than Kleenex.”

“Never put your fingers somewhere you wouldn’t put your face.”

“When I would go out my Dad would tell me: “Behave. If you can’t behave be safe. If you can’t be safe, name it after me.”

“Put a pillow under her ass.” No idea where I heard it, but boy it does the trick!”

“Relax.”

“If the journey wasn’t better than the destination, don’t expect her to go traveling with you again. Told to me by my father, taken to heart by me, and beloved by my wife.”

“Your shlong shouldn’t go near her til she’s slick as a baby seal.” by Tormund Giantsbane”

“The decision to have sex should be a win-win for both parties. If you have to trick someone into bed, you haven’t made yourself valuable enough.” A professor of psychology and economics”

“My grandad when I was 12. “If you can cook & make them laugh you’re already halfway up their leg. The rest’s up to you,don’t fuck it up”

“I never got any in-person sex advice but Nina Hartley’s video about how to go down on a girl. Solid freaking gold and the most useful instructional video ever.”

“Tell him exactly what you want him to do – a guy I was casually seeing. After two long-term relationships (3 Years & 4 years) with 0 orgasms, this little tip made orgasms regular with my current BF. Seems obvious, but I know lots of other women who have experienced something similar.”

“Make some noise”

“Never decide for someone else that they are too good for you.”

“The more you worry about sex the less you’ll get it.”

“Always make her pee after sex”

“Always use a condom, otherwise you have an accident and have to name it. Thanks Dad.”

“Stop trying to suck it like they do in porn. Find your own style and comfort level and it’s a win/win. I used to be so awkward and now I actually enjoy doing it. Also enjoying it is half the battle. Men like it much more when there’s some enthusiasm!”

“I tell my kids, “If you think getting a condom ruins the mood, imagine what a crying baby will do for it.”

“Her enjoying sex means she will want you again. Focus on her now, she will please you more later”

“Never be a dead f*ck.”

“oral – no teeth, lots of slobber, make it look really fun, and do it for him regularly. — College FWB.”

“My grandpa told me that I should always date women with small hands so that when they hold my dick it would look big in their tiny hands.”


What Should You Do If You're Bad In Bed?

Contrary to what you might think, physical attractiveness is not the most important factor in sex.

 Being good or bad in bed has nothing to do with physical exertion; it’s all about a state of mind. Arousal is key!


“Church Girl” Reveals Why She’s Auctioning Off Virginity - Something About Her Boyfriend Cheating And Bad Parents (Surprise!)

“Church Girl” Reveals Why She’s Auctioning Off Virginity - Something About Her Boyfriend Cheating And Bad Parents (Surprise!)

 

 

Well… if you are going to do it and save it for this long, might as well make some money. Last time someone sold her virginity for over 2 million bucks!

This is quite the wild story.

Part of me thinks it is fake and just a way to drive up the price… But what do I know these days.

Bailey Gibson said that she is now open to bids on her virginity, and that she will surrender her chastity and have sex for the first time in her life with the highest bidder.

The 23-year-old from Wisconsin has announced that she is auctioning her virginity at the world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch legal brothel near Reno, Nevada.

An adopted daughter of devoutly religious parents and a graduate of an all-girls Christian boarding school, Gibson grew up as the quintessential “good girl.”

She said in a blog post: “I grew up nestled in a gated community in the suburbs of Sacramento, California. I was adopted when I was one year old, and grew up with very strong Christian values as my adoptive father was an elder at our home church.

“I was not allowed to watch TV, listen to any music other than Christian music, have friends over, or have sleepovers ever.

The graduate of an all-girls Christian school said that her adoptive mum and dad were very stern parents, and that she was sent to a girls-only Christian boarding school in her mid-teens.

She added: “My adoptive parents sent me to an all-girls boarding school in in Stockton, Missouri when I was 16 years old. “It was a strict Christian academy and I had absolutely no contact with boys the entire time I was there.

“My ex-boyfriend was a Christian at the time and I did not wish to have a sexual relationship with him until we were married. Knowing I was a virgin, he respected my values for a while,” Gibson said.

“I learned that love can be deceiving when I discovered that he slept with his ex on Valentine’s Day.”

It was after this painful breakup that Gibson first got the idea to capitalize on her virginity and contacted Bunny Ranch brothel owner Dennis Hof.

The brothel owner will receive 50% of the final, deciding bid for Gibson’s virginity. All inquiries and bids on Gibson’s virginity, and the identities of bidders, will be kept entirely confidential.

HERE IS WHERE THIS TAKES AN EVEN WEIRDER TURN!

Bailey blames her parents for not letting her watch cartoons like Carmen Santiago and others for leading her down this path.! ‘If we did watch a movie, it was on the Hallmark or Disney channel. If we were allowed to watch TV, we were allowed to only watch programs like Little House on the Prairie.’ When she was 16, she was sent to all-girls boarding school in Missouri where she was not allowed to speak to boys.

WHAT?!


13 Things Everyone Should Put On Their Sex Bucket List

13 Things Everyone Should Put On Their Sex Bucket List

 

 

If your romantic life could use a boost, adding the following to a sex bucket list will Ignite the spark back into your relationship.

When you have that one person you love and can do almost anything with there is nothing you won't do, including doing things to help your sex life evolve. There are many things you can put on a 'sex bucket list' that will help your sex lives more exciting, pleasurable, and infinitely amazing, while strengthening your relationship and increasing your intimacy. Having sex should never be routine or the same old same old, it should be something fun and worthy of exploring beyond limits and imagination. Living in our modern era we are luck enough to have all sorts of materials that can point us in the right direction–like magazines, videos, the internet– that help make it a breeze to find things to put on that sex bucket list of yours. So what are you waiting for? Open up your mind, indulge your sense of curiosity and set out on a sexual adventure – maybe you will even discover you're into more kinkier stuff than you thought.

Try a New Position

Let us start with the obvious item should make your list of things to put on your sex bucket list that will enhance the intimacy with your partner. There is so many times missionary can be achieved before sex becomes a chore and an all-out bore that lacks fun, imagination and any ounce of energy. Want to have bomb sex and figure out what you and your partner like? Then trying a new position is definitely a must. You be able to find positions that allow for deeper penetration, long lasting sex, greater enjoyment, stronger intimacy, and many more things that will leave you wondering why you didn’t do this sooner.

Try Some Role Play

Does your partner like to watch a certain movie, TV show, or play a certain video game? Do they look turned on when they talk about it? Then you have more hints than you know in order to bring their fantasy to life in a very sexy way. If he likes stars wars, then it is time to dress up as princess Leia and have him be your Han Solo so that he can rescue you from the evil clutches of Jaba the Hut – you don’t even need to watch the entire stars wars saga to know this scene is huge turn on.

Try Edging Together

Edging is underrated, but it can lead to mind blowing sex and deeper appreciation for communication. When edging, all you have to do is stop having sex whenever you are about to climax, calm yourself down, and start having sex again. Then repeat the process; the longer you do this for, the better because when you finally climax, it will be the one of the most intense orgasms of your life. You will learn to communicate more with your partner, and have sex that lasts longer. The added benefit of edging is that it actually helps guys who have premature ejaculatory problems last longer in bed by giving them more sexual stamina, which can also lead to more pleasure for both of you.

Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation (also known as non-penetrative sex) can be a very fun way to use your hands in order to please your partner sexually and switch things up in the sex department. Rather than a guy or girl locking themselves in bathroom and masturbating alone, you will help each by touching, rubbing, stroking or caressing each other’s private parts until you both orgasm. This shows growth in a relationship and allows for greater intimacy, as you will be able to see how your partner reacts to sexual pleaser more clearly. This is one bonding session that is also very exciting for both parties involved.

Threesome

While three is a crowd – as the saying goes. Sometimes, the more people there are, the merrier. If your partner is open to it, then you have to make a threesome one of the things to put on your sex bucket to try at least once. You partner also has to be very comfortable with adding an extra person, because this will bring a lot of extra variables into the sex equation, and they need to be ready. The idea of seeing your partner with someone else can be scary and may arouse feelings of jealousy, so this has to be attempted when your relationship is secured enough and both of you know that this is just a fun little adventure.

Mastering the Female Orgasm

This one is especially for the fellas; it is no secret that your lady loves orgasms and that she can’t get enough of them. She wants multiple of them in one session, because while it is the ultimate payoff for letting you smash, it also just happens to be a mind blowing experience that rattles her senses every time. So it makes all the more sense to master how to pleaser her so that she gets there faster and many times. Take your time to explorer and experiment so you find out how to get her there before you orgasm. Get her heated up by increasing the foreplay and hitting all the right spots. Use anything at your disposal, such as your hands, fingers, or tongue on her nipples, vagina, or clitoris. Try different positions like the woman in top as well – remember that the one doing all the work is having the most fun.

Get Kinky

If you are more secure and mature in your relationship that being more open is not an issue, then why not add some kink into the mix and enjoy a little S&M (sadism and masochism). This is where you and your partner abuse each other – by whipping, for example – during sexual intercourse. You can throw in a little bondage and discipline in there to get the full experience of bondage discipline sadism and masochism (BDSM) – just don’t forget to use a safe word incase suffocation is involved. This can lead to all new levels sexual arousal and orgasms that can intensify the sexual experience.

Have a Sex Marathon

Common convention dictates that for sex to qualify as a marathon (a sex marathon), then it has to last for at least one hour per session. Can you and your partner share some intimacy and continually pleasure each other for a full hour? How about all night, with only short breaks for the man to charge his batteries – so to speak – and for both of you to drink some water? It might be worth finding out by adding this item to the list of things to put on your sex bucket list. Just be prepare to burn some calories just like you would in an actual marathon.

Using Sex Toys

There are many unisex toys you can bring into the bedroom that make for a great way to learn how your partner like it in bed. We can all agree that sex needs to be fun – especially if you are not doing strictly to reproduce. If that is so, then what can be more fun than toys? While toys are great for solo play, they are even more fun when playing with others. It can be an amusing activity on its own for you and your partner to venture out there and find a toy to please both of you during intercourse.

Using Food during Sex

If you are looking to add a little variety and creativity into your love making session, then why not bring food into the bedroom? This experience also has the potential to be nourishing, sensual, and more pleasurable than either of you can imagine. Some foods are aphrodisiacs on their own and incorporating them into your sex session can lead to more arousal and intense orgasms. Who knew that sex can be tasty as much as it is fun? And not to mentioning eating food off each other’s bodies can be very hot. So grab some strawberries, whip cream, and some melted chocolate and indulge in something truly carnal.

Sex with Other Couples

You’ve probably gone on a few double dates with a couple that you and partner seem to like very much by now. It’s the third date, and things seem to be going very well. So it might be time to invite them over to take the friendship to the next level as couples. This is a more intimate version of a foursome and adds greater variety into the mix, such as a social dimension, quantity, curiosity and more, to give you a break from conventional sex. Whatever the reason, make sure to vet the couple you decide to have sex with very carefully, just to be on the safe side, otherwise have a blast getting to know your friends more intimately.

Hire a Sex Photographer

Nothing says you want to capture the magic of your amazing sex sessions than hiring a professional photographer to come snap pictures while you get hot and heavy or down and dirty with your partner. A lot of couples are doing this and it is quickly become a growing trend. Plus, the photos make a nice keepsake for you both want to take an outsider’s perspective into your love making. Not only is this exciting and hot, it is also sweet, unforgettable, and very intimate. This makes it one of the most memorable things to put on your sex bucket list.

Sex in Public

This one should have been at the top of the list, but I thought it required a little build up because it can be quite a rush. The excitement of being caught and trying to get away with it makes the whole activity very hot and dangerous (which makes it hotter). To go at it with your partner in places that are forbidden and pose risk of arrest and/or public humiliation can breathe a whole new life into your sex life and bring whole lot energy and arousal. It is time to have sex on the beach (and I am not talking about the drink). If you are ever thinking of doing it in the park, then you should definitely make this one of the things to put on your sex bucket list.


FASCINATING FACTS: 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Habits

FASCINATING FACTS: 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Habits

Ah, sex! We do it; animals do it; birds do it. It’s nothing to be intrigued about. But wait! Did you know that in case of some animals, their genitalia explodes after they have coitus? Or did you know that some fish disguise themselves as a female to protect themselves against rival males and sneak out the females right under their noses? Curious? Then read on to find more such intriguing animal mating habits.

1. Female ducks are known to have complex vaginas that are lined with several dead-end pockets and tunnels in order to confuse unwanted male ducks and prevent forceful fertilization.

Image source: phenomena.nationalgeographic.com, Image credit: Pixabay

Mating in the animal world is driven by competition. The same happens when it comes to ducks. Male ducks are always challenged by rival males who try to force themselves upon the female. To have a competitive edge over rivals, males have large corkscrew-shaped penises that are lined with ridges and spines which enable them to deposit their sperm further into a female compared to their rivals.

But it’s the female ducks that offer the most interesting scenario. With the mating war going on for some time, females have developed an evolved and complex vagina. Their vaginas are long and twisted, complementing the male penises, but are lined with dead-end tunnels, pockets, and spirals that curve in the opposite direction.

The complex detailing of their vagina ensures that if a male duck forces himself upon a female, the chances of him fertilizing her are quite slim. Even if the male duck does ejaculate, there’s no surety that the semen has been deposited anywhere near the egg.(source)

2. Male giraffes take a mouthful of the female’s urine to find out if she is a good mate. The male first approaches the female and rubs her back to instigate urination. He then tastes the urine to determine if she is willing to mate.

Image credits: Brocken Inaglory/Wikimedia© Hans Hillewaert / CC BY-SA 4.0/Wikimedia

Male giraffes use a strange way to determine whether the female is ready to mate or not. When a male giraffe approaches a female, he will first rub her backside until she urinates. When she urinates, the male giraffe tastes the urine to find out if the female is ready to mate. This is known as the “Flehmen sequence.”

If the male giraffe feels that she is willing to mate, then he starts stalking her. It has been observed in many cases that the female simply runs away from the male and keeps a lookout for better males. The male that tasted her urine keeps pursuing her until she agrees to the mating.

On the other hand, if a female develops an interest in a male giraffe, it is she who would pursue the male giraffe and get him to taste the urine. If the urine is to the male giraffe’s liking, then they end up having coitus very soon.

Another interesting case among giraffes is when two males fight over a female. It’s less fighting and more “necking” in which the males press their necks against each other until one of them gives up. They sometimes also swing their necks and try to hurt each other but that is very rare. Under such circumstances, it is the male with the long neck that wins a majority of the times. Once the fight is over, the males caress one another with their necks and end up having sex with each other! In fact, 75% to 94% of the time that male giraffes have coitus, it is with another male giraffe! The animal kingdom is strange!(1,2)

3. The testicles and penis of male bees “explode” and are ripped off right after sex with the queen bee. The queen bee goes on to mate with multiple partners leaving a trail of dead, penisless bees behind.

Image credits: Michael L. Smith/WikimediaMichael L. Smith/Wikimedia, Pixabay

The male honeybee exists for one and only one reason – to mate with the queen bee. Known as “drones,” this is the only service that the male bees contribute to their society. The queen soars into mid-air in the search for mates. The drones compete to mate with the queen and swarm around her as she flies.

Eventually, when a drone gets hold of the queen bee, he inserts his penis tightly into the queen bee’s reproductive tract with the help of pressure of his abdominal muscles. Without losing any time, the drone immediately ejaculates. The ejaculation requires such explosive force that the tip of his penis ruptures. The broken penis remains inside the queen. The drone collapses to the ground where he dies soon after mating with the queen bee.

Moreover, it’s not just one drone bee that gives his life to fertilize the queen. The queen mates with dozens of bees and during this, she leaves behind a series of dead bees who sacrificed their lives.(source)

4. Quolls are very violent and ruthless while mating and often get their females killed during the act. As if that’s not bad enough, the males put out so much energy during the mating season that they lose weight, get bald, and die within only a few weeks of their sexual rampage.

Image credit: Ways/Wikimedia

When you are a quoll, life is tough. You end up spending your life fighting for female attention and fighting with rival males, only to end up dead just after you have got it all. That too, before you even get to your first birthday!

Quolls have a lifespan of only 12 months. In that time, they travel long distances to find female mates. In the meantime, they are also required to fight off rival males who are in the same pursuit. They travel as far as 10 square kilometers, which is a long range away from home.

All the pursuit for mates wears out the male quolls. They begin losing weight and hair, and just within a few weeks of their reproductive cycle, they lose their life. According to Jaime Heiniger, a University of Queensland Ph.D. student who has been studying the behavior of quolls, this unusual reproductive behavior is known as “semelparity,” and even though it’s common in the animal kingdom, it occurs rarely in mammals.(source)

5. Gray whales mate in threes. One of the males involved is non-dominant and acts as a support to hold the female in place so that she doesn’t float away.

Image credit: Charles Melville Scammon/Wikimedia

Gray whales are one of the most majestic marine creatures. But their mating process can raise a few eyebrows! During the mating season, that is in the months of November and December, gray whales begin to be spotted in groups of three or more.

The reason being this is the time when they are on the lookout for eligible females to mate. The whales perform a behavior known as “Spy Hopping,” where they put their heads out of the water and scan the surrounding area for females, at the same performing some circular motions to attract them. After few hours, they split into groups of three comprised of one female and two males.

Both the males have a part to play in the mating process, but there is a dominant male who can be identified as the one extending a single flipper. He lies motionless on the surface of the water, waiting for the female. The female approaches him, grazing him with her flippers, and lies belly-to-belly with him. The mating then begins which can last up to an hour during which they mate several times.

Where is the second male in all of this? Well, he lies on the far side of the female, holding her tight to the dominant male so that she doesn’t float away in the middle of the ritual. That’s a strange kind of partnership that you wouldn’t see anywhere.(source)

6. When anglerfish mate, their bodies melt into each other. They then share their bodies forever. The male latches and fuses onto the female, losing his internal organs in the process, until they share a bloodstream.

Image source: Wikimedia

Anglerfish might just be the most angry-looking deep sea creature. Their females have a distinctive piece of the spine that protrudes above their mouths. It looks like a fishing pole and acts as a bait for prey.

But that’s not what we are interested in. Anglerfish literally become one when they mate. When a free-swimming young, male anglerfish encounters a female anglerfish, he latches onto her with the help of his sharp teeth. After some time passes by, the male fusses with the body of the female physically. He loses his eyes and internal organs in the process, and at the end of the fusion, they end up sharing the same bloodstream. The only organ that remains of the male is his testes. Since not just one male has sexual encounters with a female, the female carries around five to six males on her body! Crazy right?(source)

7. Male dolphins sometimes separate the females from their families and deny them food until they agree to mate.

Image credit: Pixabay

Dolphins are universally loved creatures. They are always happy and contribute their share of spreading happiness around. Also, their behavior and the large size of their brains indicate a high level of intelligence.

But the story is quite different when it comes to mating. A group of male dolphins would form an alliance with another group of male dolphins to seek help while luring fertile females from the hands of rival males. And after they have succeeded in stealing the female away, the alliance remains intact to ensure that the female behaves and complies with requests of courtship.

Two or three males surround the female like guards. If she tries to escape, then the males chase after her, bite her, slap her with their fins or slam into her with their heavy bodies. They even deny them food until they agree to mate with one of the males.

But once a dolphin gives birth, the alliance loses interest in her and goes off on their next adventure. The females raise their kids as single mothers for four to five years.(source)

8. The adult luna moths develop without a mouth as their only purpose is to mate during their 7-day lifespan. After this, they die of starvation.

Image source: creationwiki.orgWikimedia

Ever heard of anyone brought into this world for just seven days with the only purpose of mating? Sounds crazy, but that is the life of the luna moths. The luna moths stay inside their cocoons even after they have turned into adults via metamorphosis. It’s only when all the biological factors are suitable that they come out of their cocoon. Just after they emerge from the cocoon, their abdomens are swollen and their wings are yet to be fully developed. This takes around two to three hours.

The things that stand out is that they do not have mouths. Luna moths come to the world without any mouths and they just have a lifespan of one week during which they do not consume any food. Their sole purpose is to look for mates.

The females, on the other hand, give off pheromones to attract males. Normally, a female mates with the first male that approaches her. Once a male moth approaches a female, they mate and remain in the same position until the next evening if left undisturbed. After their separation, the female looks around for hosts on which to lay her eggs. Once a week passes by, the male moths starve to death.(1,2)

9. Mating for pandas is difficult because the sexual interest of the female lasts just 24-72 hours per year.

Image credit: Tim Evanson/flickrscreengrab via ibtimes.co.uk

Mating among pandas is a tricky business. This is because the female pandas are not always in the mood for breeding. They are just in the mood for one to three days in a year! That’s a very short time for the male pandas to woo the female as well as convince her to have coitus.

A few researchers have discovered that several months prior to the females entering their phase of ovulation, the males start getting ready. It’s also a possibility that the sperm production increases among males during the few months leading up to the time when the females are in the ovulation phase. This is in order to accommodate the brief window when the females express interest in breeding.

In China, a breeding and research center for pandas resorted to “panda porn” to get two grown-up pandas to mate.(1,2)

10. Weak, male cuttlefish pretend to be female by changing their skin color so that they can sneak past the bigger males and mate with the real females right under their noses.

Image credits: Nhobgood Nick Hobgood/WikimediaJoi Ito/flickr

Cuttlefish have taken sexual trickery to new depths. Cuttlefish have heightened the ability to change their color for communication purposes. Male cuttlefish are normally adorned with pulsating stripes, whereas females have dots on their body.

Scientists have observed an unbelievable phenomenon while observing cuttlefish mate. They noticed that weak, male cuttlefish tag along, disguised as females, with breeding male-female pairs. They wait for their chance to woo the female when the strong male is not around.  The strong male never doubts the cuttlefish in disguise and goes off to tackle other rivals. As soon as he is gone, the weak cuttlefish reveals its true colors to the female, woos her, and mates with her. In case the strong male returns back unexpectedly, the weak male cuttlefish quickly changes its color again to look like a female! This is some high-level social intelligence going on here!(source)


Texas Couple Busted Having Oral Sex In Family-Friendly Mexican Restaurant

Texas Couple Busted Having Oral Sex In Family-Friendly Mexican Restaurant

If you’re going to be “hot and spicy” with your partner, it’s probably best you keep it in the bedroom and not in a restaurant booth like the couple below did.

A 31-year-old Austin man named Jonathan Hightower and his 28-year-old gal pal Lashanda Fisher, were caught having oral sex in the booth of the family-operated Baby Acapulco Tex-Mex eatery. It all kicked off when the restaurant’s manager caught them in the middle of their good old naked time. One witness says the horny pair were going at it for five minutes all while kids and their families were nearby. Classy.

 

And police even say that there is surveillance video to back up these claims made by the witness, although that video has not been released as of yet, nor I don’t know if it will.

These clown were arrested and charged with misdemeanor public lewdness. They now face a fine of up to $4,000 and up to a year behind bars. No word yet if they will be returning to the restaurant to finish their good time.

 


10 Thoughts All Girls Have During Sex

10 Thoughts All Girls Have During Sex

We all have things that go through our heads when we’re having sex and they aren’t always super sexy thoughts either. We ladies can have entire conversations with ourselveswhile our partner is inside of us. Heck, we talk all the time so having a silent conversation in our head during sex isn’t as strange as it sounds. So, here are 10 thoughts all women have during sex and why.

1. Maybe I should moan louder so he will step this up a bit?

Sometimes an orgasm isn’t going to happen. It’s not anyone’s fault, it just is. Once a woman realizes she’s not having one, she’d like to wrap up the sex and go do something productive instead. We don’t want our partner to feel bad, especially if he did his best to make it happen so we fake it occasionally. He feels good and we can go to sleep, watch t.v. or whatever.

2. Did I pay that bill?

Yeah, sometimes random crap pops in there. We don’t do it deliberately. It also throws off our mojo a bit because we’re going to want to check. We may fake it here too or just start yelling out crazy stuff like “oooh baby, yeah harder, harder or faster, faster” because that is most likely going to bring us to orgasm unless he comes too quickly. Either way, we can double check that bill.

3. Did he just come? Really?

Things are moving oh so nice and the build-up is happening. She is well on her way to a mind-blowing orgasm and then he makes that sound, stiffens up and then plops. Then we hear Bob Uecker’s voice “ just a bit outside”. Damn, damn, damn…

4. I wonder if I can sneak this fart out without him noticing.

Okay, I know this sounds terrible but we’re human and we fart too. Sometimes the urge strikes us and hopefully it strikes when it’s when there is a penis in the vicinity rather than a tongue, if you catch my meaning here. The urge happens during sex sometimes and is made worse when the position is missionary rather than doggie or cowgirl. Having all that extra weigh on top makes it harder to hold in, which almost every woman on the planet would rather do but it’s not always possible.

5. Does he really think that squeezing my boob a few times is foreplay?

Seriously guys a peck on the lips and a couple squeezes on the tit does not foreplay make, okay? We need the foreplay to get our working parts ready for action and without it…ouch. Little or no foreplay is likely going to create a situation like #1 except this time we’ll blame you – in our heads if not outright. Yeah, we’ll fake it but you’ll pay for it later, we are petty like that.

6. I think I may have to help myself out a bit.

Maybe the foreplay was shallow or things just aren’t going as we hoped but we’re still in the game and wanting the prize. When that happens, we’ll snake a hand down to our clitoris or pull out old faithful (our vibrator) and get things moving a bit. Don’t panic, we adore you, really, we do that’s why we didn’t fake it and go eat ice cream. Go with it.

7. I’m hungry.

We’re human and we get hungry. Deal with it. I mean you don’t want our thighs to cramp up while in a reverse cowgirl, do you?

8. I think the dog/cat is watching.

Dogs and cats are so weird, they will totally watch you bang. Some people don’t care but most of us find performing for an audience awkward. I always worry that they will try and stick their nose someplace it does not belong.Literally.

9. Why do my boobs always go into my armpits?

Women are generally always worried about how their bodies look and that’s when we have our clothes on. Once we’re naked we notice everything like the boob thing. Smaller breasted women will complain that they look flat or become a large set of nipples and not much else when on their back. Larger ladies have boobs that go sideways right into the pits, bend us back far enough and then we get strangled. Boobs…they look nice but they cause a lot of trouble during sexy time.

10.Seriously, how do you not know where the clit is?

We really need you to get fully acquainted with the clitoris. It’s not GPS accessible so you’re going to have to locate it on your own or you could ask. If you’re rubbing till your hand cramps or licking till your jaw aches and moaning isn’t happening widen your search area. If you hit a hole, go up slowly about an inch or so. If it is more than an inch away from the vagina, orgasm through vaginal penetration alone won’t happen so that clit is going to be your salvation. The clitoris accounts for nearly 70% of all orgasms in women so you really need to locate it and give it a good workout.

 


SECURITY EXPERT WARNS HACKED SEX ROBOTS COULD MURDER PEOPLE

SECURITY EXPERT WARNS HACKED SEX ROBOTS COULD MURDER PEOPLE

Sex robots could be hijacked by hackers and used to cause harm or even kill people, a cybersecurity expert has warned.

Artificial intelligence researchers have consistently warned of the security risks posed by internet-connected robots, with hundreds recently calling on governments to ban weaponized robots.

The latest warning comes from a cybersecurity expert who made the prophecy to several U.K. newspapers.

 

“Hackers can hack into a robot or a robotic device and have full control of the connections, arms, legs and other attached tools like in some cases knives or welding devices,” Nicholas Patterson, a cybersecurity lecturer at Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia, told the Star.

“Often these robots can be upwards of 200 pounds and very strong. Once a robot is hacked, the hacker has full control and can issue instructions to the robot. The last thing you want is for a hacker to have control over one of these robots. Once hacked they could absolutely be used to perform physical actions for an advantageous scenario or to cause damage.”

Researchers have already discovered security flaws with Bluetooth-enabled sex toys, which hackers could control from remote locations. One such example, of a vulnerable butt plug, was revealed last year.

In November, experts wrote a commentary for the scientific journal Nature that outlined a scenario in which rogue artificial intelligence hijacked a brain-computer interface. In such a situation, a person’s thoughts, decisions and emotions could be taken over by AI and manipulated against the person’s will.

 

A hypothetical example of how such a scenario might play out, according to the authors of the piece, would be if a paralyzed man using a brain-computer interface took a dislike to someone. That could be misinterpreted as a command to harm that person even if no direct order is given.

“Technological developments mean that we are on a path to a world in which it will be possible to decode people’s mental processes and directly manipulate the brain mechanisms underlying their intentions, emotions and decisions; where individuals can communicate with others simply by thinking; and where powerful computational systems linked directly to people’s brains facilitate their interactions with the world such that their mental and physical abilities are greatly enhanced,” the researchers wrote.

“The possible clinical and societal benefits of neurotechnologies are vast. To reap them, we must guide their development in a way that respects, protects and enables what is best in humanity."

If you like to read about robot sex, check out this POST.

 


The Top 10 Sex Fears - Things We Are Most Afraid Of When We Are Making Love

The Top 10 Sex Fears - Things We Are Most Afraid Of When We Are Making Love

Sex Fears is a study that portrays in a series of infographics the things we fear the most when we are making love. Conducted on a sample of 2,000 European and American, the study compares the different sex-related fears for men and women, but also the differences between American and European.

 

 


'Coronation Street' Star Faye Brookes Mortified After Sex Tape Leak

'Coronation Street' Star Faye Brookes Mortified After Sex Tape Leak

Police have reportedly been called to investigate the alleged hacking of Coronation Streetstar Faye Brookes, after a sex tape of hers leaked online.

According to the Sun, the video, which has already notched up to 100,000 views, involves the 30-year-old actor and an unidentified man.

"It has somehow been accessed by someone who doesn't care how much upset they cause."

Gates has since responded, tweeting a message of support for his partner.

https://twitter.com/Gareth_Gates/status/947438419650793473

"United we stand," he wrote, alongside a picture of the couple holding hands.

Fans have also flocked to social media to send support to the 30-year-old, with one person writing: "I'm devastated for @Faye_Brookes, it's such a shame for her amazing year to end like this! I just hope she knows that this story will soon be forgotten about and be yesterday's news! We all love you and will do no matter what."

https://twitter.com/ItsJessssssx/status/947385079566913536

https://twitter.com/Kate_rana_kana/status/947412457080967168

Another said: "Got Twitter specifically to send a tweet of support to @Faye_Brookes. I am so angry on her behalf, but it's actually amazing to see whenever I search her username, there's not one negative tweet and that restores my faith in humanity a little after this disgusting, pathetic act."

But this isn't the first sex tape scandal involving an actor from the ITV soap opera. Corrie star Kym Marsh was horrified when she learned a racy video of hers was being shopped around to the highest bidder.

The Sun was approached by a person who had the video of her performing a sex act on a man and was asking for £30,000 ($40,500). The UK newspaper declined and told Kym's representatives to let them know what might surface.

Ms Marsh didn't even know the video existed - which would be pretty terrifying for anyone.

A source told the news organisation: "This news has left her reeling. She is stunned that someone is willing to betray her.

"She feels furious, humiliated and very vulnerable. She can't believe that someone could sink so low.

"She can only assume this is an act of pure greed. Kym has done nothing wrong. She will do anything she can to stop these images being made public."

 

 


A Very Detailed History Of Orgies

A Very Detailed History Of Orgies

Long before the first grunting cave person discovered that his/her sexual pleasure was multiplied by having others, not only present, but participating in a group melange, warm blooded mammals were taking part in orgies. Porpoises have been holding group sex parties (along with extra-marital, pre-marital, bestial, masturbatory, homo, bi, and other sexual practices) in the ocean for millions of years before we came along.

But you say fish-sex bores you? OK, then, let's talk about human orgies. Where did they begin? Nobody knows for sure, but early historical evidence indicates that the Persians, the Lydians, and the Sybarites were no strangers to the delights of multiple sex. Governors and other famous rulers of the Middle Eastern lands were often famous for the debaucheries they constantly enjoyed. But, without a doubt, the inventors of the modern orgy were the Greeks.

Photo via Typepad

Beginning of Orgies

So famous are the Greeks for their orgies that one whole kind of sexual act has been given their name for posterity. “Greek love,” the polite way of saying sodomy (itself the polite way of saying ass-fucking), was made prominent almost single handedly by the Ancient Greeks.

The Greek women that tended the Oracle at Delphi regularly held their own separate orgies to the God Dionysius, and, every autumn, the Elyesian Rites were held at which massive incest was joyfully practiced. The statues of Aphrodite were famed throughout Greece for the beauty of their buttocks, and Greek boys and girls actually took the statues into streams and bathed them, as well as attaching garlands of flowers before the annual festivities. And the Olympic Games, first held by the Greeks, were orgies in the classic sense of the word. On the last day of the games, the prizewinners were expected to share their physical superiorities with the men and women of the hosting towns. This was a day of feasting and revelry, where the young boys held contests of dancing while the young female cup-bearers stripped off their clothes and did erotic dances.

And so, from our point of view, the Greeks began it all. They were soon followed by the Romans, who took up the torch of Greek culture, and whose own culture was in many respects just a poor imitation of the Greek. And so it was with orgies. What had been in Greece a graceful and refined style of mass sexuality became in the Roman world an excuse for cruelty and perversion. Roman orgies were filled with the cruelties of castration, rape, forced incest, vomiting, and other excesses which, unfortunately, came to be associated with the orgy itself and, in time, gave orgies a bad name. The Christian takeover of Rome ended the practice of having large public orgies and drove orgies underground.

Unknown to the Christians, and very little known to the Romans and other provincial rulers of the times, a Greek cult lived on which worshipped the Goddess Diana. This underground counterculture carried on the Grecian tradition of love, boundless energy, and free eroticism. It survived quietly into the Middle Ages. Then, the modern era of orgies began.

At this time, orgies were not held in the temples or large cities, nor at international festivals, but in secret, in the deep forests by moonlight. Free sex had been driven underground, and stayed there for nearly a thousand years. So who were these new orgiastic participants? They were the people the Christian church called the witches, who met at night and held their own rituals. Of what did these rituals consist? Well, one thing we know—“The final activity of the sabbath was a phallic orgy: heathen, drug-abetted, communal sex.” And you’d better believe it was no small affair, what with six males, six females, a head priestess, and all the guests who cared to attend the midnight festivities.

But eventually the Christian Church managed to put an end to these orgies—that's what the Inquisition was all about—and again orgies, for all practical purposes, died out until the 20th century. Oh yes, there were incidents at nunneries and in Elizabethan England, and the French and southern European courts were said to be pretty wild, but it just didn’t have the old excitement that had been present in the days of old.

Art by Fee Greening

Orgies of the 20th Century

The 20th century, the birthplace of the transistor and the neon sign, was to be the place where massive sex would begin again. And how has it begun? Well, first of all, there have always been two type of orgies: the secular, which was primarily just for the hell of it, and the religious, in which the participants at least pretended to be doing it all for the gods.

Religious orgies in the 20th century? If you don't believe it, just listen to this excerpt from the United World Marriage Ceremony practiced by the “OM" community:

OVERSEER: “Will you sip the Wine of Love that the Goddess Lovelight pours from her Heavenly Chalice before the eye Of OM...?”

GROOM: “Yes-O Sacred Mistress—I will most gladly do so.” (Kneels between the open thighs of the bride and places lips on her vagina and with tongue lovingly parts the vaginal lips of the Bride)...

And this:

OVERSEER: “Will you sip the Love Nectar that the Archmaster pours from his Fountainhead of Power before the Eye of OM, before the Overseer, and before this holy Community?”

BRIDE: “Yes-O Sacred master—I will most gladly do so.” (Kneels between the parted thighs of the Groom and places lips on his phallus and with tongue lovingly licks it, finally places phallus into her mouth and begins most lovingly to suck it).

And what of secular orgies? Well, folks, they’re happening all the time, but nobody seems to mention them. In nearly every town that this writer has ever visited, he's either attended or at least heard mention of a good party which became more. But the problem is that everyone is so damned quiet and secretive about the orgy (which is, today, more likely referred to as group sex). Therefore, we have prepared this next section, to help you hold your own orgy, and perhaps bring back the most joyful form of sexual camaraderie ever known.

Now that we are all familiar with the history, scope, and worldwide occurrence of orgies, we thought it might be nice for us to consider some of the factors which might go into holding your own orgy.

Photo via Katrina Conquista

Tips for Hosting Your Own Orgy

The People: The first consideration is to invite the right people. To begin with, the number of people invited must be correct. How to determine this magic quantity? Easy. Simply calculate how many people can comfortably fit into the padded surfaces of your apartment or house, and then add five per every average-sized room. This guarantees some groping, fondling, and at least some spontaneous brushing. There is nothing more dismal than to attend an orgy in which the rooms to be used are virtually empty, thereby causing the necessity of moving constantly to seek out one's next sexual partner. The partner should be accessible by just reaching out and holding. The best orgies of this century have involved pilings of three or more contiguously.

Then there is the question of who to invite. This is very touchy in some circles, as may be imagined, so let us simply lay down some time-tested rules: invite only those who will participate, with the possible exception of a few photographers. Do not invite claustrophobics, catatonics, or members of your immediate nuclear family (unless they’re cool). Do invite people who are reasonably attracted to each other so that no one will be left out. It’s a real bummer for the host or hostess to be worrying about someone left out and sitting in the corner, with only himself to abuse.

As a final consideration about those who to invite, make sure your crowd is somewhat open and free in their sexuality. A division into couples can ruin even the social event of the decade. It must be firmly understood by all prospective attendees that they are not to discriminate in their choice of orgasm partners by either race, creed, nationality, political leanings, marital status, or sexual preference. Avoid those who will get into arguments about the meaning of the 21st Psalm, the best way to repair an air conditioner, or the number of times they’ve come. The best guests are those who will get it on with anyone who still moves, because that's what you hope will start to happen.

The Atmosphere: The first element of a successful orgy environment is the lighting. Lighting should be just bright enough to enable the participants to distinguish their own bodies from other peoples'. Another test is whether those involved can find their favorite bodily orifices. Any brighter, and you'll simply undo the whole thing.

Candles are not so good for this occasion, especially on the floor, as hot wax (like sand at the beach) has a habit of getting into the most private and embarrassing of places. Red and purple lights are the best, as they add to the general “hot” feeling of the room. Avoid blue and green, unless you wish an "android" effect. And above all, turn off any direct or fluorescent lighting. Sunlight is the ultimate faux pas.

The Food and Drinks: The next element is food. Make all the food you serve wet, slippery, and rich. Chocolate syrup is perfect for this, as is whipped cream, Wesson oil, mayonnaise and buttery things in general. It is best to avoid “crunchy” foods, such as celery or soy nuts, and concentrate on semi-fluid edibles. Serving dishes are not usually necessary, as the guests will find their own containers into which they will pour and from which they will imbibe. A large box (or several) of tissues and napkins might be helpful.

Another consideration: the providing of relaxants. Even the most sexually liberated person will come to an orgy with slight reservations about the whole thing, even if those reservations simply concern staying power. You, as the host or hostess, must make your partners and friends as relaxed as they do at home reading Head. Plan to provide ample marijuana for twice the number you expect, as well as plenty of sweet liquers, smoking herbs, aspirin (for those with the “headache” routine). If all this is too expensive, ask each guest to bring something—they’ll be glad to provide something that contributes to their own relaxation and pleasure.

The Stimulants: One last consideration: You must provide certain “stimulating devices” to get the action going, and to keep it going once it starts. Vibrators and ribbed condoms will turn it from conversation to action. Dildos of all sizes are recommended highly. The spirit of many people, alas, remains long after the flesh is exhausted. Double-headed dildos are especially recommended for those who prefer group anal or vaginal stimulation. Many will especially appreciate the presence of Vaseline or KY Jelly.

Well, that should be enough to help you discover your own “Golden Age.” Have your own Olympics in your own Elyesian Fields, and remember: Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.


15 Little Known Facts About Prostitution In America

15 Little Known Facts About Prostitution In America -

The world's oldest profession in the US is a complicated economy, drawing in pimps, sex workers, clients, police, and a number of other professions. While many of the details regarding the sex industry are difficult to confirm, recent studies have pulled back the curtain on a secretive world that operates on the edge.

Research published in the last few years regarding selling your body for money and human trafficking statistics reveals that what we thought we knew about both sex workers and their "bosses" needs to be adjusted. For example, most men who control these women have at least a high school education - and many people involved in this type of work were brought into it via family members. It's also hard to overstate how much the Internet has changed the nature of prostitution.


Guy “Accidentally” Posts NSFW Public Snapchat Showing How Tinder Date Is Going

Guy “Accidentally” Posts NSFW Public Snapchat Showing How Tinder Date Is Going -

 

Oh man! What a classic mixup here. The dude scored a Tinder date with a miracle hail mary of a pickup line and probably ruined any chance at a second one after blasting his business (literally) on his story.

Side note – his friends are really the dicks here for screenshotting the story and posting it on the internet.

At least he got dressed up for the date…

Here is how the Tinder convo went down and what started it all. Let me just say this real quick, if Tinder was around 5 years ago… I might be dead. The amount of effort that it seems to take to get “dates” aka hookups seems ridiculous. Cat puns?!

COME ON MAN! I can’t be mad though, it’s working for him.

He got the date and of course had to update his boys on how it was going. The best place to group chat these days is Snapchat. It is like WhatsApp but the messages all disappear at the end of 24 hours.

Unless you “accidentally” hit mystory and not the group. We have all done that before…

The date was going so well he didn’t go back on his phone to see how his buddies liked the pic until the morning. So that story got seen by a LOT of people.

Including his Mom.

His friend posted the pic on Twitter with the text and pics” Well… That was easy. Take notes Tinder users. LMFAO”

Here is the pic.

I am sure this was an “accident”…

 

 


12 Rock Stars You Didn't Realize Were In Love Triangles And Swapping Ladies All The Time

12 Rock Stars You Didn't Realize Were In Love Triangles And Swapping Ladies All The Time

 

There is something about rock and roll musicians and the response they elicit from members of the opposite sex that seems to smash the boundaries and limitations of traditional romantic and emotional relationships. Rock and roll love triangles, rock stars who shared women, and rock stars who fought over women seem like just another day at the office for the biggest name music makers. Toss in unlimited amounts of narcotics, alcohol, and money, and you have a recipe for some amazing rock star love drama. Although you may have to take a shower after reading about some of these escapades, you'll probably no longer envy the lot of many of the the most famous groupies, ladies who featured so prominently in the romantic lives of some of the best rockers of recent memory.


10 Of The Worst Sex Tips Ever From Women's Magazines

10 Of The Worst Sex Tips Ever From Women's Magazines

Women's magazines have told us to do really weird things in bed over the years. Here are some of the worst sex tips from women's magazines of past and present.

Women's magazines get a lot of flak for being a bit crazy at times. Though they often raise great points in terms of relationship and sex advice, the truth is that even the greatest magazines out there will occasionally slip up and come up with advice that is totally off-kilter, weird, or downright hilariously bad.

Bad sex advice is everywhere - and sometimes, even pros may get fooled. One can only imagine how bad some of the outcomes of this bad sex advice could have been with the poor people who tried these. For your own sake, you might want to avoid trying out the following sex tips - even if someone you know may have shared that advice via email or Facebook.

"Lick the soft spot in front of his ears."

Uh, wait. Guys have a soft spot in front of their ears? I thought that section was skull...or like, these chubby things people call cheeks? Could we have an anatomy lesson, here? I think someone forgot what a human head looks like.

Or, you know, maybe they forgot what species they were working for when they were writing this thing. It kind of sounds like a sex tip Liono from Thundercats would use.

"Take a tennis ball and roll it with slight pressure between his shoulders and over his butt to help him release pent-up sexual energy."

We're not kidding, people. This is a legitimate tip that was published in an old issue of Cosmopolitan. I don't know about you, but I don't really feel comfortable using tennis balls as part of sex.

Also, what kind of guy has pent up sex energy between his shoulders? At least, with the butt part, that makes sense.

"Firmly hold the bottom of his shaft in one hand and slowly push it towards the base. (Imagine you're pushing his penis into his body)."

If you literally are trying to push a man's penis into his body, you probably don't understand how sex is supposed to work. He's not a transformer robot. You can't make him turn into a girl, and if anything, this might just feel really uncomfortable.

This hilariously bad tip regularly gets called one of the worst sex tips from women's magazines as a whole. We can see why.

"Very softly bite the skin of his scrotum."

Photo by Nastia Cloutier-Ignatiev

This reader-submitted tip appeared in yet another issue of Cosmopolitan, and we have to at least point out that the magazine writers weren't the ones who came up with that idea. That being said, we'd be terrified if we felt teeth down there as men.

In terms of being able to get guys into the ER, this is one of the best sex tips out there. However, in terms of being able to get guys into the idea of sleeping with you, this is one of the worst sex tips ever suggested in history.

"Head to the local Indian restaurant or try a new recipe together - the spicier the better. Studies found that ginseng and saffron, in particular, are two spices proven to enhance bedroom performance."

This tip, which came right from SHAPE, has its heart in the right place. You should take care of your body and diet right in order to ensure that you can perform well in bed. Indian food also happens to be very healthy, so there's that, too.

However, going to an Indian restaurant probably isn't a good idea if you're trying to get laid. Indian food is incredibly filling, is easy to overindulge in, and trying to bounce up and down during sex may make certain things come back up.

We love the idea of bringing fitness and nutrition into the world of sex tips, but for the love of all that is holy, you might want to actually think about them being realistic.

"Bring your lover on your food shopping excursion. View it as sensual foreplay. You can have a lot of fun caressing and gently squeezing foods and inhaling their aromas. The conversation should be entertaining, too."

This gem appeared in SheKnows, and anyone who has ever taken their lover food shopping can tell you that it's really not that erotic. More often than not, it's scrambling to get all the items you need without forgetting things - just like every other food shopping trip you've ever taken.

That being said, if you can turn it into foreplay, I will be impressed with your skill. If you do decide to get pervy in the grocery store, you should probably expect to get stares. You might even end up having a kid nearby ask his mom what you're pretending to do to that zucchini.

Oh, and you may get banned from Trader Joe's. Isn't that sexy?

"Make two fists around my shaft and twist them in opposite directions as hard as you can."

This sex tip first appeared in Cosmopolitan, and since then it has gone viral - and for good reason. This really bad sex tip has been inspiring people to write about bad sex tips because it literally is telling you to give your partner an Indian Rug Burn on the most sensitive part of his body.

Many sexperts say that this might just be the worst sex tip in magazine history. In fact, it even sparked an entire article on Cracked about the sex tips published in magazines that would land you in the hospital.

That being said, if you do choose to use this sex tip, you will make your man scream. However, his screams will not be pleasurable; they will be telling you to get him an ambulance.

This only goes to show you that the worst tips from women's magazines often make for the best comedy.

"Making him a snack after sex. It doesn't have to be a gourmet meal – a simple grilled cheese or milk and cookies will do."

Glamour magazine was the one that penned this pearl, and to be fair, it would probably go over well with the guy. The only problem with this is that it's kind of a 1950s-ish tip that makes the girl basically act like a house servant to a guy, and that this tip was actually noted as a way to "lock him down."

The same article that spawned this bad sex tip also ended up being retracted, with the magazine's editors releasing the following apology and statement:

We understand that the list read like a 1950s marriage handbook – and nobody wants to go back there. That being said, we'll always be here to help you decode dating. So let's be clear: You're welcome to make a grilled cheese for anyone you love, but you shouldn't be whipping one up in an effort to lock the all-important 'him' down. (That's just a waste of Gruyere.)

What we want for you is love based on equality, not indentured servitude with date night. We're sorry for slipping off message. And speaking of slipping, please, please ignore that beer-right-out-of-the-shower thing. It feels like it could get dangerous fast."

You know things are pretty darned bad when the editors of a magazine actually have to step in to apologize for what they said.

"My girlfriend gets a glazed donut and sticks my penis through the hole. She nibbles around it, stopping to suck me every once in a while. The sugar beads from her mouth tingle on my tip."

 

This confession became Cosmopolitan's worst notorious sex tip, primarily because it just doesn't work, looks hilarious, and could also possibly cause yeast infections and UTIs - depending on the man's cleanliness.

Colloquially, it's known as "The Donut Trick," and it's spawned a huge number of articles mocking the magazine's sex tips section. Some have even used it to illustrate the insane disassociation that there seems to be between men and women.

Though some of Cosmopolitan's advice has been spot-on, the Donut Trick was not one of those sex tips that actually helps women rule the bedroom. It's only excellent when it comes to adding humor to sex. Besides, not all guys can actually fit in a donut hole, anyway.

"Pick up a box of drugstore hair color (the kind that eventually washes out) and go to town on each other. You'll get that sexy hands-on-the-scalp feeling along with the risky excitement of not knowing quite how it's going to turn out."

This gloriously awful sex tip was found in the pages of Women's Healthand man, it leaves us speechless.

Hair color and sex do not work out well. That "tingle" you feel dyeing each other's hair is actually your scalp burning. Moreover, getting frisky while dyeing your hair is a good way to dye your pristine white bathroom walls brown, blue, black, red, or pink.

Also, if you have ever seen the kind of sheer panic women tend to have when they're not sure how their hair will turn out, you already know that this isn't so much a sex tip as it is a form of psychological torture.

What's scary about this is that this is one of the worst sex tips from women's magazines. Like, they should know their demographic well enough to not suggest a form of torture on them. Really, Women's Health?


Hooker And Client Wanted Cop To Settle Money Dispute

Hooker And Client Wanted Cop To Settle Money Dispute

 

If you’re arguing with a hooker about payment, the last thing you want to do is reach out to a cop because chances are you’re going to end up behind bars. Well, it looks like the folks in the story below didn’t have much common sense.

A 30-year-old hooker named Kimberly Moore and her 65-year-old client named Robert Sartor Jr., recently found themselves arguing with each other over a $150 payment for a sexual encounter. And since they couldn’t figure out a solution they thought it would be a brilliant idea to reach out to police instead.

The incident, which occurred in South Carolina, is quite the doozy. Here it is according to The Smoking Gun:

Sartor told deputies that he picked up Moore “because she was messaging him on Facebook,” and acknowledged that he “offered her $150,” was going to get a hotel room, and “bought her some new clothes at the dollar store.” Sartor added that he went to a friend’s house with Moore, and that the duo showered together (though he did not touch her). Moore said that Sartor tried to get into the shower with her, but she denied him entry.

When asked to empty his pockets, Sartor pulled out a cock ring, which deputies described as “a sex toy which is used for sexual pleasure.” The discovery that Sartor, a Spartanburg resident, was going commando (which is common when someone is on the lookout for a hooker) with a cock ring in his pocket appeared to undermine his earlier claim that Moore owed him money “for driving her around.”

So obviously this pair isn’t very bright. Moore and Sartor were both arrested and booked for misdemeanor prostitution. Moore is also no angel as she’s been busted before for credit card fraud, disorderly conduct, grand larceny, filing a false police report and narcotics possession.

 

 

 


12 People Admit The Nastiest Thing That Has Happened During Sex

12 People Admit The Nastiest Thing That Has Happened During Sex

 

Sometimes you have bad sex. Whether you had too much to drink or you just weren't meshing well with your partner -- it happens. But THESE people...hoo boy. These people had next level bad sex. Bad sex that can haunt you for the rest of your life. Bad sex so bad that you might regret even READING about it. Yeah. You've been warned.

1. Pict -- Who doesn't love a little boyle suck now and then?

Sucking a chicks nipple in the dark. She was loving it. All of a sudden there is liquid.. Lactating.. sick. So keep going, she seems to be loving it.

Lights come on, dun dun dunnn, I had been sucking the pus out of a boyle.

2. hong_kong_phooey -- You didn't HAVE to.

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn't feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior...and i had to help pull it out....

3. lhjmq -- Somehow, this doesn't seem so bad compared to the rest.

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least. He said gestured if I was coming to class and said I rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, "Do you mind helping me with these papers?", with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis. I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

4. jlc1400 -- I really hope this cannot happen.

used to work with a guy who came into work with a doctor note saying he had a "spontaneous testicular hemorrhage", his ball exploded while cumming... We never bugged him to much about it cause we all felt bad... true story, i believe

5. tellme_areyoufree -- The mental imagery this one produces is BAD.

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I'm also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse...

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought "whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex." I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out - only to see a stream of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

... and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn't have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that's not what gay sex generally looks like.

6. technodeity -- This thread is gross, indeed. Why are you still reading these? THEY ONLY GET WORSE.

I split my 'banjo string' if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

This thread is gross. Upvoted.

7. Howlinghound -- Ahh, the ole cum-fart combo.

Sixty-Nine. She came. She farted. My hair blew in it's fetid breeze.

8. ukqjlv -- ONE word: NO.

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

9. saegiru -- Oh god. Hilarious is not the right word.

Sadly enough, I have heard a similar story from my friend about one of his friends- except the guy had never gone down on a girl before and didn't know what to expect. He thought the white lumps were what 'eating out' meant, and bit off a few of them and ate them, even though they tasted really bad. Later when my friend and his buddies told him, he threw up pretty heartily.

Couldn't say for sure if it was a true story or not, but hilarious nonetheless.

10. I-330 -- Why are there so many worm/sex stories? How can you be in the mood when there are WORMS ABOUT.

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

11. criscoxl -- OMG, INSANE.

So this one time I'm having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little human being comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

12. rivalthecreator - Read this last one at your OWN RISK. You've been warned.

Nothing tops the Jolly Rancher story.

Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.

He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it...but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn't want to offend her though because he hadn't seen her in months...so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn't do much to help.

In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her... and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only...it wasn't the Jolly Rancher.

It was a nodule of gonorrhea.

As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth...

He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and fucked some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.

So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else.

 


People Shared Stuff About Sex That Surprised Them The First Time

People Shared Stuff About Sex That Surprised Them The First Time

People on Reddit are sharing their initial impressions of sex, and the responses vary from deeply relatable to absurdly specific. The journey to sexual enlightenment (or basic comfort with the act) is a unique one, but there are some obvious common threads of novice confusion that bond us all.

Given the universal appeal of sex, the answers were bountiful when the Reddit user Bld123 asked the question: What surprised you about sex the first time you had it?!

One user lamented how disappointing the act was in general.

This sounds like a personal problem, as other Reddit users pointed out. But again, it's rare that sex is stellar the first time out of the gate.

Obviously, people had different opinions here.

Some people focused on how lovely it is to experience the cuddling and overall physical intimacy.

Oof.

The comments about cuddling got a bit depressing fast.

Still, it's refreshing to see strangers open up and share on this level.

One user had a hilariously cryptic comment about the difficulties of waterbed sex.

WELP.

Another commenter expressed a preference for PT Cruisers over waterbeds.

Where are these people hiding?!

That escalated fast.

One woman shared a lovely story about the emotional intimacy and release she experienced the first time.

This is lovely.

While others lamented just how messy the ordeal can be.

It gets graphic.

One man revealed his awe at the sounds.

Bodies are majestic.

While another user shared a hilarious story about the "clapping sounds" during sex.

This is a crash course for sure.

At the end of the day, some Reddit users are just plain exhausted from the act.

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Plus the LOTR references are on point.

It seems the jury is out, having sex for the first time is as disorienting as it is wonderful.

We'll cheers to that.


Man Posts Wild Craigslist Listing Looking To Surprise Wife With Gangbang For Christmas

Man Posts Wild Craigslist Listing Looking To Surprise Wife With Gangbang For Christmas

WTF is going on in Fort Myers?! This is one wild Craigslist post but I guess if this is what your wife wants for the holidays, why not! Where else are you going to find enough people to show up to your random house and hook up with you and your wife?

The husband made sure to include some pics to go with his post to really show off the goods.

The post reads: My wife wants to try a 3 to 6 guy gangbang so for her Christmas present i agreed to try and arrange one…She wants to experience dvp, multiple creampies, facials from 2 or 3 at the same time, basically just to be covered…She also wants to experience having oral sex on her while she is being fucked so orally bi guys or those comfortable with this scenario need respond…

Shes very reserved but has this wild fantasy to just let loose one night and be a total slutwifeShes not camera shy and wants me to record and take pics to help her feel like a real amatuer porn star…It will be for our private use and faces will be kept to a minimum

Shes only into Caucasian guys and over 30…We will do this on a Sat or Sun only in the next few weekends…Ideally we will all meet publicly to assure everyone is on the same page…We can host but prefer to meet somewhere near a hotel where we can get a room as this just adds to her slutwife fantasy…Cost will be split 

She is bi and wouldnt object to one other female being present but she does want to be the center of attention…She likes to dress sexy/slutty and loves to tease and give lap dances…Shes very attractive, 5’7″, 120lbs with nice D cup tits…We do smoke, dont do 420 but comfortable with those who do

If you respond please put 1 of 6 in subject, include a pic, face not required, location, when available and your comfort level with her desires listed…We want this to be a very memorable night for all involved so only drama free, open minded, respectful individuals need respond…I will be the one to screen the responses as i know what her tastes are, but she will definitely be involved in the final say…I just have more time and patients than she does to sort thru all the bs we are sure to receive

Please be patient for us to get back with you but if you catch our interest we will definitely respond…This is a very real ad and ask that only those serious respond…Ty and happy holidays to all

It is still up if you live in the area! Give him a shout!


Girl Has Insane Facebook Rant After A Mall Santa “Knocked Her Up”

Girl Has Insane Facebook Rant After A Mall Santa “Knocked Her Up”

We need to just take this story and leave it in 2017. We need a fresh start here in a few weeks because this level of intelligence is going to set us all back… Just wow.

I saw this story first as a meme with 100,000 retweets already!

How do you get knocked up from a Mall Santa?

Here is what she posted on Facebook:

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO FUCKING START. I guess I am going to be the new mizz Claus.

OmFuckingG, this is beyond crazy i don’t even know what to do. As most of you know I am a big fan of Christmas. I plan out the activities for months in advanced and this year was no different. I was drinking spike egg nog ready to get lit.

I started earlier going to the *SOME MALL* on Nov 29th to see the first Santa of the year and tree lighting. This is where I got pregnant and I dont know what to do.

The Santa who was there that day no longer works at that mall and they won’t give out his personal info to me. EVEN THO HE IS THE DADDY TO MY LITTLE 1

I wore a Christmas dress with no panites (obvi) and when I sat on his lap during the lighting I rubbed a lil bit n I felt a little poke . we snuck into the elves workshop and I thought he had a condom on at least he told me it was a “Santa special”

FUCKING LIAR

We were only in there for a steamy 3 minutes and thats all it took…… Now I have a baby growing in me and have no idea how to contact the dad.

My family laughed when I asked for money to book a ticket to the North Pole. They think this whole thing is a joke and will be providing zero help. whats new with them.

I am thinking about starting a GoFundMe to help me raise little Rudolph SINCE THE DAD IS OBVI A DEADBEAT LIAR I’ll use some of the money to get a new Ps4 while I wait for him to get here.

If anyone knows the Santa from the tree lighting at the *SOME MALL* please message me.

Happy Holidays.

Damn Santa…