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How Talking About Threesomes Actually Can Help Promote Responsible Sex

 

As the saying goes, ‘best friends do everything together’.

But would you let your best friend sleep with your partner? And, at what point is it OK to go on camera and discuss the whole issue? After all, isn’t sex meant to be a private and intimate moment between two partners?

Lena Nersesian, known in the vlogging world as ‘Lena the Plug’, is a 25-year-old from Los Angeles.

She recently took to YouTube to talk about two threesomes she’d had with her best pal, Emily.

Lena and Emily discuss their feelings throughout the video. Credit: Lena The Plug

The first was with an A-list rapper, apparently. Openly on her vlog, Lena speaks about the weird experience that it represented.

She talks of how he wanted photographs of him and Emily together in the bath, and then full-blown sex as a threesome, which included the two girls making out.

The second experience comes with Lena’s own boyfriend, Adam – a fellow blogger. Here, Lena and Emily openly discuss what is about to go on, as well as the aftermath.

But is there more to this than just outright pornographic discussion? Could it be argued that, behind all the comments, the extreme language, and detail, that Lena is actually doing a good thing? That, by discussing a ‘want’, she’s helping to normalise a sexual activity – and, with it, a responsible attitude to sex?

“Activities like this are a little more normal in LA,” Lena told LADbible. “People are willing to explore outside monogamy. But importantly it depends on your relationship with your partner and your friends.”

So, here comes the first issue – what do you need in a threesome?

Credit: Lena The Plug

“Me and Emily are not competitive when it comes to guys. Trust is important, I understand Emily’s intentions. I know she’s not going to go behind my back with my boyfriend outside of this scenario” explained Lena.

“When I first met Adam, we were always open to the idea of hooking up with another girl. We knew about Emily and it worked.

“It’s not something we do all the time. And I wouldn’t do such a thing with someone I wasn’t comfortable with. I didn’t go to a bar and pick a stranger up.

“It brings me and him closer together. I can’t figure out why, but I’m trying. Seeing him excited and happy makes me feel the same. I enjoy the scenario.”

Right from the start, Lena is open and honest – there is no hiding that. She lays down her laws, has an agreement with her partner and her friend, and they all stick to that. Communication seems the key.

Credit: Lena The Plug

In a strange way, it’s educational. She told LADbible exactly how to avoid getting hurt and how to avoid tricky, relationship-testing situations. The first bit of responsibility in her ‘duty’, you could say.

The message seems to be about being comfortable.

“With Emily, it feels like kissing my sister,” Lena continued. “So we did use this social lubricant [alcohol], but not too the point where I blacked out; to the point when I feel like I’m doing a good job, sexually.”

Lena also tried to explain that she’s trying to balance the books. She believes that the ‘shaming’ comments wouldn’t occur if it was a man sat in front of the camera openly discussing his sex life.

“I get shamed all the time, my boyfriend doesn’t, he looks ‘cool’,” added Lena. “I’m the stupid s**t with no talent or intelligence.

“I’ve just accepted that the world has not caught up to the fact that women are also sexual and can do what they want.

“It depends on what perspective you fall in to. Some feminists will believe I’m just using my body for advancement. I feel empowered in what I do.

“I’ve been asked to do porn, but that’s just not me. I wouldn’t be in control. I own my body in its entirety.”

Again, it’s all about what you are comfortable in, and what you feel in control of. It comes back to the point of responsible sex.

But, there are issues that are still to be addressed. Both within her own relationship, and the wider community.

“I guess you could say we have double standards,” Lena said. “Another man is not acceptable in our relationship. It’s okay, I’m not interested in that, some may say that’s not fair.

“Talking about sex should be normal, even if you’re not trying to engage in group sex.”

Her conversation, for a moment, did briefly make you wonder about the whole ‘stiff upper lip’ British mentality.

Does talking it over really make it better? Credit: Lena The Plug

“We are constantly seeing sexual images every day. We want women to look sexy but can’t talk about. I think it should be normal,” she concluded.

Reading between the lines of the blog you can see that Lena makes some valid points.

Sure, LA is full of ‘wilder’ experiences – it’s a fast-paced lifestyle and perhaps a greater chance of exposure makes these practices more open.

Openness with a partner is vital to any good relationship, along with honesty and experiences. Lena stressed the importance of knowing you can have a good time even if it’s just one-on-one.

The points that she makes are ones that certainly raise eyebrows, but ones that open our eyes, perhaps, to sexual activity that does go on, and does offer a responsible attitude towards sex.

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