The 9 Dumbest Reasons Someone Has Ever Been Stabbed

Sometimes a meatball is just a meatball. Other times it is a cause for stabbing.
1. She Ate The Last Rib

 Never confront a human while they’re shame-snacking.

Muncie, Indiana woman Sabrina A. Davis. snuck into the kitchen at a BBQ Sunday night and ate the last rib. When the BBQ host’s daughter confronted Davis about the rib theft, Davis grabbed a fork and stabbed the daughter in the eye.

Interrupting someone while they are shame-snacking is like waking someone who is sleep-walking, they’re liable to do anything.

Source: foxnews
2. His Poo Smelled Really Bad

After 29-year-old Emi Mamiya’s husband left their bathroom smelling like poop in April, she lost her shit and slashed his face with a knife. Come on, Emi, think with your head! Facial blood is not a glade plug-in ingredient. If she wanted to solve her problem, she should have burned him with a scented candle.

Source: Metro
3. He Hated The F*ckin’ Eagles, Man

65-year-old roommate and ex-boyfriend of Vernett Bader couldn’t listen to her playing the Eagles anymore, so he told her to “shut up” and turn the music off.

Instead of pausing Hotel California, she grabbed a serrated knife from the kitchen and stabbed him multiple times in the arm, hand and elbow. You can check out any-time you want, but you can never ask someone to turn off the Eagles.


4. He Stole His Co-Worker’s Meatball

A couple employees of a Fallston, MD business were taking lunch break last September when one of them ate the other guy’s meatball.

I know. Isn’t that how WWI started? Someone ate Archduke Ferdinand’s meatball?

Of course, the original meatball owner had to stab the thief in the arm because how the hell are you going to steal another man’s meatball?

5. She Was Cursed By Her Boyfriend

According to a police report, Florida woman Amanda Lopez spent a year believing her boyfriend had put a curse on her. Thinking the only way to end the curse was to kill herself or her boyfriend, she decided to stab her boyfriend ten times and then went to wash up in a “nearby pool.”

She was charged with first-degree murder.

The problem with dating crazy is, say it with me now, “sometimes your girlfriend thinks you put a curse on her and believes the only way to free herself from it is to stab you to death.”

Source: WFTV
6. He Refused To Give Up His Beer

A 32-year-old homeless man was trying to drink a beer under East Washington Avenue bridge in Madison, WI when an unknown man in his 50’s tried to take it from him. When he refused to relinquish his suds, the 50-something-year-old stabbed the homeless guy in the stomach and hand. Despite the attack, the beer-drinker decided to sleep off his injuries under the bridge and only received medical attention after someone else called for help.

Source: Channel 3000
7. His Sign Language Was Confused For Gang Signs.

In 2011, 31-year-old deaf man Alfred Stewart was hanging out at a Florida nightclub with his deaf friends when their sign language caught the eye of gang member Barbara Lee, who thought the group was “throwing gang signs.”

When she confronted her hearing-impaired instigators, they told her to leave , and she did, but she returned with a couple of thugs who stabbed Stewart and his friends.

Even if we assume Lee had never heard of sign language, she’s stupid. Aren’t there specific signs for each gangs? Aren’t they supposed to mean something like sign language signs mean something? You can’t just go around stabbing anyone who talks with their hands or your going to have to take down every Jewish or Italian person you meet.

8. She Wanted More Salsa

If you finish Phyllis D. Jefferson’s salsa, she’ll finish you. Last March Jefferson delivered a pencil to the hip of her 61-year-old boyfriend because he plowed through her salsa reserves. Then she threw his TV to the ground, and as he went to catch it, she stabbed him again in the stomach with a knife. Maybe she was trying to get the salsa back out? The boyfriend went to the hospital, Jefferson was charged with felonious assault, a second-degree felony, and a misdemeanor count of criminal damaging.

Source: Cleveland
9. He Thought He Was A Fish

Yes, even Chris You-Could-Have-Me-Any-Time Hemsworth has been the victim of a dumb stabbing. He was also his own assailant. According to an interview he did with GQ magazine in January, when he was a kid he was living in a remote, aboriginal town and went fishing with a ridiculously large knife. (I guess in Australia people fish with knives). While he was snorkling, “I thought I stabbed a fish, but I stabbed myself in the hand instead,” He told GQ.  Shhhh, that’s ok baby. I still love you. Let me hold your fish-hand.



One reply on “The 9 Dumbest Reasons Someone Has Ever Been Stabbed”

Saluting with your left hand? Now THAT is worth a stabbing.

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