Here are the most bizarre moments in sex ed videos from a time when adults had nothing better to do than carry around diagrams of genitals and invade the personal boundaries of children. Nowadays I feel as though the kids learn on their own, which is a bit of a sad reality. The mainstream culture is filled with sex, which makes it hard for kids not to see and learn things at much younger ages.
The Intro to Your Parents’ Sex Advice Videos *Shiver*
This clip is terrifying for a few reasons:
1. These are the VHS videos that we would find in our parents’ cabinets while spying around looking for…who knows what.
2. This seems to be the intro of a video for adults who’ve never touched other adults.
3. The music. This is the type of music you’d find at a planetarium where the seats move.
You’re the Guy Who Said Gonorrhea Was No Worse Than A Cold
The video is only about 30 seconds long and features the angriest doctor anyone has ever seen taking the teaching approach of yelling at kids for contracting STDs.
We’re not even sure that the doctor provided these kids with any treatment, but we’re pretty sure they all got a prescription for wise cracks.
How Does It Get Hard?
In this clip, a young boy is taught about the physiological processes that lead to male arousal by a much older man. What makes this bit worse is the scuzzy couch they sit on together in what looks like the older man’s basement.
The cringe-worthiness is accentuated by the graphic diagrams of male arousal and how often the man asks the boy if he experiences such stimulation.
Shake it off! Shake it off! Next…
I Had A Wet Dream Last Night
Though it’s worth watching the entire video, the strangest part occurs after the 3:45 mark as these young boys awkwardly recite dialogue that their parents probably haven’t yet explained to them in real life.
Some Women Still Call Menstruation the Curse
Skip to 00:28 for a kind moment between mother and daughter – quickly interrupted by the awkward, smirking father who almost blames the mother for his child’s body rhythm.
4:24 is where the young girl, Molly, learns how to put on a pad that is less revealing than some bikinis seen at an everyday beach. Why should you see this? The pad comes with a belt. Accessorize!
5:39: Here we learn what can and can’t be done while on your period. Any girl can dance on her period, but square dancing on her period is unheard of.
That Mike Is Really Filling Out…
This is a perfectly well-meaning video from the 1950s entitled “As Boys Grow.” However, in it, the teacher takes a little bit too much notice of the boys’ bodies.
Head to 02:36 for the creepiest bit, where he starts playing favorites. There could be an entire list on just this particular video series.
One Never Knows When The Homosexual Is About
This video teaches kids what about homosexuality…sort of.
This is a 1950’s video that warns kids to avoid older members of their own gender who are too friendly because those people might be “sick in the head.” The “sickness?” Homosexuality. How does one spot a homosexual? Well, it’s not easy because *cue dramatic music* he may appear normal.
This one’s pretty much an outdated, bizarre gem the whole way through.
Period? What’s That?
Four teenage boys are sitting around casually talking about periods, as they do, but one of them doesn’t know what they are.
“Periods? What’s that?”
This is when their inexplicably prepared gym teacher walks in with charts of the female reproductive cycle under his arm, probably on his way out to lunch with other teachers walking around with charts under their arms waiting for moments like this.
Skip to 00:53-00:59 for what one young teen thinks sperm cells are.
The video’s real shining moment is the teacher’s befuddlement at the question of why a guy would want to “go around” with a girl anyway (skip to 3:44). As he struggles to answer the kid’s question, his answer boils down to “having a family.”