The Pros and Cons Of Every Type Of Sex

1 Drunk Sex

Sex is both incredibly intimate and insanely gross. It’s the closest two people can be, completely exposed emotionally and physically, each trying to give the other their most primal desires. It’s also jammin’ genitals together and gross fluids everywhere and your weird lumpy body all out with nothing to hide it. And that’s why a little bit of alcohol oils the gears of lovemaking so well – lower your inhibition just enough to make each part a litttttttle more palatable.

Pros: Less Inhibited, You Might Last Longer Cons: You will most likely not even be ABLE to have sex or you are lasting way too long and this isnt really that great for either of you Youre too drunk to figure out the right middle ground

Appointment Sex

Sometimes in a relationship, you get to the point where you both have busy schedules and you REALLY need to make sure you do the ol’ genital-mash tango on certain occasions, like anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and The One Day Where Neither Of Us Has To Wake Up Early The Next Day So We Are Gonna Fuck Come Hell Or High Water.

Pros: Efficient, StraighttoBusiness Cons: You Have To Do It Even If Youre Not Feelin It Since You Got the Squirts From Eating Seafood That Night

Boredom Sex

Ugggggh there’s nothing on TV and there’s nothing on Netflix and it’s cold outside and sorta cold in here but the heater’s busted soooooooooo…


Just Watched an Episode of The Affair SexI mean, technically this could apply to watching any show or movie with a lot of passionate sex-doing in it, but COME ON IT’S THE AFFAIR AND THAT’S WAY HOTTER THAN WHATEVER NICHOLAS SPARKS SHIT YOU GOT.

Pros: Hot, Sweaty, Passionate Cons: Possibly Thinking of McNulty Or the Redhead From Luther The Entire Time, Will Definitely Pale In Comparison To How Good Those Actors Are At Pretending To Do Sex To Each Other

New Person Sex

Whoa! New person in bed with you and you’re kissin’ WAY hard and you both know where this is goin’ – a one way ticket to genital-mash city. The excitement of a new person, the adrenaline of not knowing what kinda hand stuff they’re into, and the unrelenting terror that you’re WAY WORSE at this than literally everyone else they’ve ever been with.

Pros: A NEW PERSON AGREED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU ULTIMATE VALIDATION Cons: Generally Pretty Bad Because Neither of You Is Familiar With The Other SexWise, Any Small Mishap Looms a Lot Larger Cuz Youre Both Thinking

TryingStuff Sex

After a while, any sexual relationship can get a little stale – so both partners make an active attempt to spice it up by trying new uncomfortable positions, wearing new uncomfortable underwear, and sticking things in new uncomfortable holes.

Pros: New, Exciting, Lots of Potential Cons: Okay So The Butt Isnt For Me Good To Know

In a Different Place than Usual Sex

Whether you’re AirBnBin’, at one of your parents house for the holidays, or staying in a hotel for a wedding and/or vacation, there’s something incredibly erotic about the idea other people can hear your gross sex grunts (and knowing you won’t be entirely responsible for cleaning the sheets afterwards).

Pros: The Best Cons: Your ParentsOther Hotel GuestsAirBnB Neighbors Deffffinitely Heard Your Weird Sex Grunts



The Pros and Cons of Every Type of Sex

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