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This Guy Came Up With A Brutal Way To Dump His Cheating Girlfriend – So If Your Girlfriend Ever Cheats On You, Do This

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Thsi is the story of Redditor BinanoSplat and his somewhat-clever, vaguely confrontational and very viral plan of dumping his cheating girlfriend. You see, BinanoSplat was dating this girl for at least a month, however upon finding out that she’d been hiding her Facebook relationship status from everyone but him and then going on dates with random guys, he decided it was time for a good ol’ fashioned dump:

BinanoSplat: I mean, her Facebook relationship status has been hidden from all but her for about a month now. So to her I’m just physical companionship at this point. So no. I’m not her boyfriend. I’m just making sure that she knows that I know.
Edit: We were Facebook official. She kept the status hidden though so that she could date around while still “having a boyfriend”. I guess it made her feel good to have the title, but she sure as shit didn’t care about me.

Other Redditor: I’m pretty sure he’s saying that she has been telling other people that they are not dating, but in reality she is stringing him along and telling him he’s her boyfriend. So he considered himself the boyfriend but found out he was actually just one of many guys she is secretly seeing. I don’t think the context is different at all. They were supposed to be exclusive but when they aren’t physically together she claims they aren’t dating.

BinanoSplat: This. Exactly. We were Facebook official, but nobody knew about it. She kept it hidden so she could act single around all her friends and other guys.

So what did BinanoSplat do to dump her?

Obviously, if you were given the option of not getting cheated on or roasting your girl by cleverly dumping her for it, you would obviously take ‘Another Dude’s Penis NOT In My Girlfriend’ for 300, Alex. But, we live in an imperfect world–a world where Hulk Hogan gets $140 million for fucking his best friend’s wife and you get chaffing for fucking a tube sock.

So when you find out your loving girlfriend has been cheating on you like a drug test, its best practice to leave as much collateral damage as possible without coming off as a fucking psychopath. Things a psychopath does: 1.) Breaks household items that he will inevitably need to replace 2.) Shares something, ANYTHING, on Facebook 3.) Draws his own blood and writes “SOON” across her bathroom mirror.

In order to inflict the most damage without getting arrested, one must make his prey believe that they are being courted, even if he knows she is being lead to slaughter. Heighten her expectations. Buy flowers, chocolates, a fucking mini pony I don’t care–make her believe that in that very moment she’s loved more than the entire football team she fucked while you two were saying ‘I love you’ ever could.

Then, when she’s most vulnerable, FINISH HER.

And if you’re too cheap for a mini pony, a nice card like this will do just fine.

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catastrophic

Fist bump. Smooth as fug. It sucks that she’s fucked more people than are in that GIF though. Michael, Jared, Derek. Damn she was banging an entire boy band.

On the bright side, Tinder is pretty tight for a while. And then you start swiping all robots and it couldn’t be a sadder state of affairs. Find that happy medium….

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This Guy Came Up With A Brutal Way To Dump His Cheating Girlfriend – So If Your Girlfriend Ever Cheats On You, Do This

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