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A bachelor party death is always the least expected worst case scenario. STDs, broken limbs, and lost cell phones and wallets are really as bad as it usually gets, but when way too much alcohol comes into play and people start sticking their heads out of party buses, things really start to hit the fan. So from multiple deaths at bachelor parties, to punctured lungs, to the most unfortunately embarrassing incidents caught on video, here are the ten most awful bachelor party stories the Internet has to offer.

 

Man Sticks His Head Out Top of Party Bus, Dies

Photo: flickr/CC0

One for the Darwin Awards: A Detroit man died from injuries after he stuck his head out the emergency exit – not the sunroof – of a party bus in June 2011. If there’s one place you don’t want to die, it’s a strip club, but a close #2 is sticking your head out of a goddamn party bus driving on a highway. In Detroit.

Salvator Tatullo, 24, was making merry during his pal’s bachelor party when he stood up to undoubtedly yell a long celebratory “Wooooo!” just as the bus was going under an apparently very low-hanging overpass.

The overpass didn’t tate his capa, but actually caused head trauma so severe that he went into a coma as soon as the bus made a detour to the hospital. He was declared dead the next week from his “massive head injuries.”

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4 Die in Bachelor Party Boating Accident

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY

What’s more fun than day-drinking on a boat? Not much.

(…I seriously can’t think of anything.)

So it was no surprise that a bachelor party piled into a 25-foot motorboat very, very early in the morning (i.e. they hadn’t gone to bed yet) in May 1995 for a cruise around the Ohio River. But something terrible happened somehow (i.e. BUI). The party collided with a coal barge, which ripped the bow off the fiberglass boat. Two survivors were pulled from the water, but the accident left four men dead – including the groom.

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Jeep Drives Off Cliff During Bachelor Party

Photo: flickr/CC0

A bachelor party ended on a decidedly sour note in July 2002 when a Jeep full of bros went over a 30-foot cliff in Farmington, MO. The vehicle – out muddin’ around the driver’s dad’s farm – was carrying the groom, Daniel Francis, 22. While neither he nor the driver were injured, two men were killed, including the groom’s older brother. As the crash happened around 2 in the morning, and this was a bachelor party, alcohol was believed to be a factor.

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Bachelor Dies After Mysterious Fight

Photo: Metaweb/CC-BY

In March 2012, groom Jacob Jarozewski died after a fight during his bachelor party. Attendees say the members of the party were drinking (natch), and Jarozewski – a mixed martial arts (and motorcycle) enthusiast – engaged in fisticuffs. Details of the night are sketchy, so there’s no official word on whether the fighting was friendly or vitriolic… Either way, he was found dead on the living room floor early the next morning, the day before his 26th birthday. The man who had been fighting with Jarozewski was questioned and released.

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Bachelorette Paralyzed at Pool Party

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY

How many times do grown-ups have to tell you? No horsing around the pool. The thing about Rachelle Friedman and her closest friends is that they were all lifeguards. Seriously. So when they pushed her into the shallow end of a swimming pool during her bachelorette party in May 2010, it was just a joke. No biggie. NBD.

Very unfortunately, the bride hit her head on the bottom, injuring her spinal cord. Though Friedman can use her arms and feel on the insides of them (but not the outsides or her fingers), she is technically a quadriplegic. Early reports of this awful news story emphasized the inconvenience that, if she were to go on with the wedding, her and her potential husbands’ combined income would cause her to lose her Medicaid benefits. So not only could she never ever walk again, but she also had to postpone her dumb wedding. What a week! After lots of therapy, Friedman and her fiance Chris did finally marry in July 2011.

Bachelor Shoots Coke Dealer

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY

Ain’t no party like a Wichita party cause a Wichita party ends in first-degree murder. In May 2009, Jeremy Trout and Mike Reed went out boozing with Mike’s little brother Robert, who was supposed to get married the next day. When Mike decided he needed cocaine to make Wichita even a little bit fun, he called up his old dealer Vincent Barnes, 33. Unfortunately for the party boyz, Barnes had been trying to get clean and hung up the phone, which peeved Mike. The whole party went to confront this dude, and – long story short – coke-dealer Barnes ended up dead. Trout received more than 11 years in prison for his role in the scuffle, and Robert Reed (the bachelor) got 19 years.

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Bachelor Pukes on Stripper

Photo: Metaweb/GNU Free Documentation License

This video is kind of my worst nightmare, but maybe the depraved bachelor got what was coming to him for being such a scumbag? I like to think so. Listen to that gal’s shriek of disgust. Maybe after this, everyone involved had a nice long re-think about their life choices.

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Old Man Beats Bachelor Party with Golf Club

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY

Florida, man… In May 2012, 61-year-old James Alonzo Hines was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after he attacked men on a Jacksonville Beach golf course. Enraged that the five bachelor partyers were taking too long, weren’t “playing the game right,” and were “malingering” on the greens, Hines began hitting balls at them from about 200 yards away. When someone threw a ball back at him, Hines drove his cart into the group, running over one dude’s leg and yelling, “You need to respect your elders.” The old man bashed the irreverent whippersnapper with a golf club, breaking it over his head. A brawl erupted and comically tumbled into a sandtrap before police arrived.

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Ski Star Punctures Lung at Bachelor Party

Photo: Metaweb/CC-BY

In June 2005, Norweigian ski star / bachelor Jens Arne Svartedal and friends were on the way out to a sailboat for a totally rad day when something ridiculous ruined everything. The rubber boat that was taking them from the dock to the schooner somehow took off at high speed, crashing into the stationary sailboat. Seven people ended up in the ocean, including Svartedal, who suffered a punctured lung and a broken rib. The accident resulted in a lawsuit, and Svartedal (spoilers) later won the silver medal at the 2006 Turin Olympics.

Friends Handcuff Bachelor to Midget

Photo: Metaweb/GNU Free Documentation License

Since the guy who posted this on Barstool Sports in April 2012 was so eloquent, I’ll just let him do the talking. For the record, I don’t condone his use of the statural slur “midget”:

So I was at Ainsworth… to watch the Knicks and Rangers… when all the sudden [sic] I see this Rick James lookin midget through the crowd just hangin. I thought I was so drunk and hallucinating… Upon closer inspection I realize he’s handcuffed to some poor son of a [gun]. And there was just a crew of like 30 dudes laughing it up as this guy paraded around the bar with a [expletive deleted] dwarf tethered to his arm.

Is this the worst prank your buddies can pull on you? Like its one thing to have the stripper pull your pants down and spank you and humiliate you because its all good you know at the end of the party you’re getting a blow job. But chaining a Rick James midget to the groom to be is just atrocious. Everywhere he went he had to take that little [person]. Into the bathroom, holding his [junk] and this midgets hand is 2 inches away from his junk. Trying to walk through a crowded bar, midget on your arm. Every time people took pictures the midget would grab his [schwantz] or his nipples.

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