Whether you’re freshly divorced and just dipping your toes back into the singles pool, or you’re someone who has been wading in the deep end for years, brandishing your career bachelor moniker, you’ll likely be intrigued by this list willing to lead you by the nose to the best cyber meat markets that $34.99 can buy.
I count myself in the first category — I’ve recently found myself single after the end of a six-year marriage in which the sexual intimacy had ended about five years earlier. So coming across AskMen’s initial list of hookup websites seemed like just what the doctor ordered — or so I thought.
After a fair share of due diligence and a rather large leap of faith, I threw caution to the wind and put down $35 toward a membership on one of the list’s featured sites. I got exactly what I bargained for, and failed in my quest to find the golden pot at the end of the proverbial rainbow.
I’m not easily deterred, however, and I refused to believe that cyber sexual bliss did not exist. After all, how could all these sites stay in business if they were nothing more than scams? Phony profiles, sketchy emails and failed promises of casual encounters confirmed my skepticism and raised my curiosity. So I set out on a quest to learn the truth about who’s who in the hookup website business, and took the reins on a comprehensive review.
Turns out, there is a pretty wide range of options out there, most of which look very different from one another (compare Adult Friend Finder andMatch.com , for example). I learned that, as with most things in life, there is some good, some bad and certainly some ugly.
What follows are the results of that review, complete with rankings that should help guide you on your own journey toward cyber sexual bliss.
Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. CHAOSTROPHIC does not take any responsibility for the quality of these sites or the experiences you may have on them. Proceed at your own risk.
10. Horny Matches
Within an hour of signing up to Horny Matches, and before even posting a picture, I had an email from a woman with a very provocative photo. I’m usually wary when something seems so easy, so I sat on it for a day, during which time a second woman contacted me. My doubts persisted, but my curiosity got its way, and I signed on for the Gold membership. The emails stopped immediately and the only correspondences I received thereafter were shabbily written emails from “women” asking me to chat via Yahoo! Messenger. In the case of one “woman” whose phone number I asked for, I was told that her mom has her phone and that she could only chat with Yahoo! Messenger. That was when I knew the jig was up on HornyMatches.
Learn more at HornyMatches.com – $34.95 for one month
Similar to Tinder, iHookUp was created with horny singles in mind. Unlike your average dating platform, iHookUp it is strictly a desktop website — no app — meaning its users must be anchored at a desk to get the proper user experience. That being said, members are still able to find localized matches in their area for a quick date. Plus, what’s really great about iHookUp is the three-month guarantee. After three months as an active user, should you still not find a single date, you’ll receive a three-month membership extension, free of charge.
Learn more at iHookup.com – $7.98 for a two-day trial (renews at $35 unless canceled)
Let’s get this out of the way with: Passion.com is a great name. Makes me think of passionfruit juice. But will it quench your thirst as well? Your thirst for a special someone in your life, that is. Well, Passion.com hits a pretty neat sweet spot between the raunchier aspects of sites likeHornyMatches.com and tamer sites like Match.com. Let’s say it’s for people who have dirty minds – – but a clean conscience. And thanks to its 53 million active members, you’re sure to be able to find someone who’ll hit your sweet spot, too. If you know what we mean.
Passion.com – $29.95 for one month
7. Adult Friend Finder
The filthiest on this list by far (and we say that in a good way), Adult Friend Finder has nasty pictures and even nastier profiles. Its platform definitely screams hardcore. AFF keeps with the basic strategy of luring you in with suggestive photos and invitations to join from hot women, but it’s much more circumspect in what it allows without a subscription, which piqued my curiosity. Results? An AFF subscription is kind of like the online hookup equivalent of a mud fight. It’s dirty, it’s kinda gross, but you have a strange urge to do it anyway, and with girls involved, yes, it’s pretty hot. Leave the romantic bouquets of flowers at the door on this one, fellas.
Learn more at AdultFriendFinder.com – $17 per month
6. Get It On
“Get It On” is Marvin Gaye’s best song. No argument. The classic tune is about sex, but compared to the dating website GetItOn.com, it might as well be about hand-holding. Yes, Get it On is a raunchy site. Let’s make no bones about it. Membership starts at a very reasonable $5.95 a month, and unlike sites that try to match people’s personalities and interests for dating purposes, Get It On prioritizes matching people who are sexually compatible, meaning there’s less of a chance you’ll end up struggling to get to first base on a date with a Catholic nun. Unless that’s just a little role-play the two of you decided on.
Learn more at GetItOn.com – $5.95 for one month
5. Ashley Madison
Most people associate the notorious Ashley Madison site with infidelity, and while there are definitely users on the site looking for extramarital affairs (they exist on every dating site), there are also a surprising number of singles over at Ashley Madison looking for more traditional romance.
The site boasts over 32 Million active users while pulling in several thousands new recruits every week through its aggressive advertising campaigns which have quickly made it one of the most well-known dating sites in the world.
Learn more at AshleyMadison.com – Prices vary, starting at $49
4. Friend Finder
Welcome to the classier counterpart of AdultFriendFinder.com. Now, we know what you’re thinking, and no, Friend Finder isn’t just for platonic buddy-buddying with people. The “friend zone” here describes something else entirely – – the fact that, at the end of the day, your significant other is your best friend. Boasting award-winning content and close to half a million members, Friend Finder is the world’s largest personals-based website, so if you’re of the more old-school, place-an-ad-in-a-newspaper persuasion when it comes to finding love, Friend Finder is definitely the place for you. Yes, sometimes when you’re looking for a hookup, what you’re really looking for is another heart to hook up with.
FriendFinder.com – $22.94 for one month
FriendFinder-X bills itself as “the world’s largest casual personals site” and advertises that it’s “where good girls do bad things.” There are lots of guys in the world who would not be into that, but if you’ve gotten this far into this list I feel like it’s a safe bet that you’re not one of them. The site encourages users to express their fantasies to each other. Looking a nice girl to introduce to all your friends? This… might not be the place. Looking for a bad girl who will want to hook up? This is definitely the place. It boasts of millions of members and, on top of sexy member videos and live chat, offers “intimate dating advice” in case you think you could use some.
Learn more at FriendFinder-X.com – $9.95 for one month
2. Plenty Of Fish
Plenty of Fish runs the gamut in terms of what men could be after, and it’s definitely a legit casual dating site. Because it’s free, though, it lacks the quality of potential companions that a site like Match.com orPassion.com can offer. Because I tend toward the superficial side, I was disappointed by the relative lack of compatible matches on PoF. I was able to meet decent-looking women, but none whom I was into to the point of dating. That said, I know guys who have had legit success on PoF. And with pay-to-play seeming to be the standard format, PoF offers a good alternative to dudes who are looking for a hookup (or more) on the cheap.
Learn more at POF.com – Free
As any guy who has visited Match.com looking for Mrs. Right or just Ms. Right Now can tell you, Match offers plenty of opportunities for men to meet great women, and it caters to the full spectrum of singles, regardless of how honest you want to be in your profile. I’m a pretty straightforward guy, so mine was upfront about my intentions, and it wasn’t hard to meet women I clicked with. But if you’re the kind of guy who is comfortable cyber-pretending you’re George Clooney, you’re likely to find success as well, regardless of how you define it.
Learn more at Match.com – starting from $17.99 per month and up
Top 10: Hookup Websites