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Virgin Bride Beats Up Husband After Realizing His Penis Is Too Large And ‘Scary’

And that ladies and gentleman is the most bizarre headline you’ll read today. And that’s saying something.

Mnombo Madyib, 32-year-old man, was on his honeymoon in Coffee Bay, South Africa, with his bride, and things were going well until they decided to have sex. Let me first say that the two had agreed to not have sex until marriage, and this would have been the bride’s first time. Well, shit hit the fan.

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Poor Mnombo was bitten in the ear, hit with a wine bottle and had his bean bag squeezed.

“Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I’d bought her as a gift,” Mnombo recalls. “All was well and she enjoyed the foreplay but all hell broke loose the moment I took off my underwear.” Mnombo adds.

So what the hell made the unnamed bride act this way?

“He has a big penis – long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush. I only slapped him on the cheek.”

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Read that previous sentence again.

“I think she’s angry because I could only afford a cheaper honeymoon instead of the one she wished for in Zanzibar,” Mnombo said. Well, see now that would make sense.

And a quick update: The two decided to go home on different buses, but they will be going to counseling. And we are going to let Mnombo have the final word:

“I’ve only heard of penis enlargement and not penis shrinking.”

 

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